Differences between memories and old school reports

[NothingToSeeHere]

So, I was re-organising my room this morning and I found my old school reports from primary and secondary school! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the differences between my own memories of school and the reports from my teachers. Although the academic side of things is much as I remember (although it is interesting reading the reports on my English skills now knowing that I'm dyslexic), the comments on the social side of things are a different matter.

The primary school ones aren't too bad... the comments from my first school few years go along the lines of "she is very cheerful and has lots of friends" which was true, I was teased occasionally but I had my best friend I devotedly mimicked and who eased social interaction with others, and I had a brilliant imagination and was popular for my ability to create fantasy worlds to play in (although it doesn't quite demonstrate the amount of effort I put into fitting in).

It's the secondary school reports which surprised me, the one from year 7 (first year of secondary school) stated that "Isobel has made lots of friends and integrated well into the form"... was he talking about someone else? I didn't make a single friend in secondary school, I was ostracised and bullied from the beginning and even my best friend promptly ditched me and joined the bullies in making my life miserable. The year 9 report states that "Isobel is very cheerful, greatly enjoys all parts of school life and is a valued by her peers"... valued as an easy target maybe? By this point I hated school, regularly lied about being ill in order to not have to attend and was already sinking into severe depression and thinking about killing myself. "Very cheerful" indeed

Has anyone else experienced these differences in how others perceive you, or been shocked by others descriptions of your childhood/ teenage years?

(not sure if this is in the right section, sorry)

 

[Ste11aeres]

Are those reports that the school made for your parents?
My former boss used to make up positive things (lie) to make it sound as if kids were doing well when she was talking to their parents. I wouldn't be surprised if your school purposely stretched the truth just a little bit.

Adults don't always know what's really going on in the lives of kids.

 

[Harrison]

We never had reports for our primary school years, once I went to grammar school we had them every term. They were bound into a hard back book which I kept until I was about 30 years old.

The reports had to be signed by the parents but my parents never even knew they existed as I signed every one of them.

Reading the report was like reading about someone else, I would skip school all the while because of constant bullying, yet my report showed me as being present. I'd turn up for exams and pass with high grades so I think no-one cared where I was. My folk never attended a single parents evening in all the time I was at school, but I was no better as a parent either.

Like the OP I lived in my own world, would tell anyone that listened that I came from 'out there' and only had one real friend. My school report said I was an affable and well liked pupil who was conscientous and courteous, so far from my truth.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I haven't found my old school reports, but I bet if I compared those ones to the reports I get now in my special class, I would find a huge difference, seeing as the teachers in my class now have a better understanding of me.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I was homeschooled. Most errors with opinions were addressed pretty quickly, like how when one week my test scores took a drastic drop it was NOT because I was embracing my natural nocturnalness, it was because my dad was on vacation and the sheer volume of noise he made shattered my ability to concentrate. My grades picked right back up when he returned to work and I made sure to point out the difference since they were looking for any excuse to put me back on a "normal" routine.

 

[OddGirl]

Back in the 80's, so little was known about learning/processing disorders. I have a severe learning disability called dyscalculia, which was not fully or correctly diagnosed until after I graduated HS, just like my ASD.
From grades 1-4, especially grade 4, my teachers chalked my poor math grades up to 'laziness', 'disinterest', and being 'not very bright'. But my 4th grade teacher was an abusive bully who chose 4 or 5 kids out of every year's class to torture, and I was one of them. I was working my butt off and still failing math, and my parents refused to believe that a kid who taught herself how to read at 2 years old and was reading and understanding her mum's university textbooks in grade 2 was 'not very bright', so they pushed for testing.
The man who did the testing told my parents that I was far smarter than my teacher and that I had some sort of learning or processing problem that was causing my issues with math. He described it as being quite like dyslexia, but only effecting math. He also determined that, due to the constant abuse from that teacher, I was also dealing with math phobia and depression. He suspected an ASD, but at that point, given the limits of the current knowledge in the early 80's, I was considered too verbal and interactive. The only kids who got ASD diagnoses back then were the very severely effected ones who didn't speak..what would be considered low-functioning autism today. He did the best with the information he had, and a few pieces of the puzzle clicked into place for my parents and I. He realized that I really was trying very hard, but that no matter how hard I worked at it, I could not process or retain mathematical input.
After the testing, I stopped taking math in his class and instead went to the resource room, where I was given one-on-one remedial help from the special ed teacher, a tough but fair lady who understood learning disabilities and phobias. The abuse from my 4th grade teacher continued to escalate, but at least my grades were improving.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

OddGirl It's very sad to hear about your experiences in Grade 4, how awful that teachers like that are allowed near children. It's great that your parents trusted their knowledge of you and pushed for testing, and that it helped you and them understand your problems. I was very lucky that my parents also never allowed me to feel like I was stupid and knew that I was working hard in English despite what the teachers said. It was my mum who told me to get tested when I started uni, neither of them were surprised when the results showed me to be severely dyslexic.

Are those reports that the school made for your parents?
My former boss used to make up positive things (lie) to make it sound as if kids were doing well when she was talking to their parents. I wouldn't be surprised if your school purposely stretched the truth just a little bit.

Adults don't always know what's really going on in the lives of kids.

Yup, they were written for my parents, so it's possible they stretched the truth a bit. I also generally don't show what I'm feeling, and got into the habit of lying about friends and how other children treated me from mid-primary school years, because I was ashamed of the fact that no one liked me I didn't even tell my parents about being bullied until I was 18 so I wouldn't be surprised if the teachers genuinely believed that I was well liked and happy, my parents certainly did!

 

[Peace]

Wow, well my primary school years were strange for two reasons. One was, I moved in second grade. My new school wanted me to be back a year because of different age requirements. My mom refused and insisted that I be tested. If I failed she agreed I would be put back. I did amazing and was allowed to stay in second grade, even though I was a year younger than the rest of the class. They also had my parents (my mom) come in for a special consultation. They told her that they thought I had the equivalent (at that time) of ADD. They wanted me to be put on meds and in special education. My mom refused and battled with them. She finally threatened to get a lawyer and they left it alone. I did poorly in general but passed all of my tests with almost 100%. Later in school, they thought I was cheating somehow because of this and I was separated for a while until they figured out I was not.
My reports all say things like: Does not pat attention in class, Is always day dreaming,Is a disruption, does not complete homework, and so on. I did really well on the tests though and so I made it through.
I survived socially by being the class clown. I was constantly screwing off and joking with everyone. When I started in high school, the whole staff already knew me by name.