Hello like many of us I hsve experienced loss of loved ones I have cared for and whilst I have genuinely been close to them when alive when they passed I have felt nothing and been surprised that my response isn't like others around the loved one whom seem to be very traumatised by loss and bereavement.whilst I recognise that this maybe due to my asd I am wondering is this response common for others whom are asd or is it just me?I won't comment further but I would appreciate any feedback.
I hope this thread doesn't cause anyone any distress as this is not intended
Yes. I'm not sure if it is a processing error or delay from the ASD, or perhaps a consequence of alexithymia.
Examples:
1. I was 2 when my 7-week old brother died of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Now, some 55 years later, I can describe the ambulance, the emergency medical response team, the local sheriff, the chaos in the house, my grandparents coming over, etc. However, I never processed his death until I was about 6 years old. A friend of mine were playing under a picnic table in his back yard, covered it up with blankets to make a "fort" to get out of the hot summer sun, we had the crayons out coloring in our coloring books. He went inside, his mother calling him in for lunch. I stayed under the picnic table, then for some reason, it hit me out of nowhere. My brother had died, and I can remember just sobbing under that table alone.
2. Fast forward to my 40's. My other little brother died. Colon cancer at the age of 36, leaving behind a young wife and two little boys. I spent the day with my family and him the night before he died. Again, not really processing what was happening at an emotional level. We came back to the hospital early the next morning after he died. His wife grieving loudly. To this day, I am confused as to whether I was responding to her grief (mirror neurons) or my own. I don't know, but I was crying.
3. A best friend of mine from childhood, we were both married with children at the time, but he and his 3 young boys were in his pickup truck on the way to the airport when someone slammed on their brakes in front of him, he put on his brakes, and a semi-tractor-trailer hit the truck from behind, ejecting 2 of the kids onto the pavement, both dead. So, I am at the funeral, sitting in the church, listening to the eulogies for these kids, and I am crying my eyes out. Now, I never met these kids, but I obviously knew the family and they were grieving. Again, I think it was mirror neurons, not my own grief.
4. My father passed away in the night about 4 years ago. Now, my father and I had a respect-dislike relationship. It wasn't the best. In his own way, I think he loved me, but was Stoic enough not to say it or show it. At any rate, my little sister calls me on the phone just as I am getting ready to pull out of the driveway to go to work. Honestly, I sort of went numb, and didn't know what to say to her. Mom didn't want any attention from me or anyone else for that matter. I called her about a week later, we tried to talk about things, but evidently what I was saying or the way I was saying it wasn't what she wanted to hear, and she hung up on me suddenly. It wasn't like she seemed upset with me, I perhaps didn't seem like I was processing things correctly in her mind, and didn't want to carry on with the conversation. At any rate, there wasn't a funeral and I haven't spoken with her since, nor my sister, and I have yet to shed a tear.
So, I am not sure what to think about any of this. I know that I exhibit fully functioning mirror neurons. I can cry watching a movie scene, at a funeral, and respond appropriately to other people's grief. However, I don't seem to have the ability to process my own for some reason.
