Difficulties in Learning to Drive

[Numbat]

Hi everyone,

I am currently taking driving lessons. I have gotten through the most part, but the beginning was especially hard.
I was excellent at the theory tests (I live in France, where we do a theory test before being allowed in the car) But the first few hours in the car where a nightmare.
At first the instructors were patient, but they quickly seemed to become frustrated that I wasn't making any progress (or not very quickly, at least.)
I also grew very anxious, and my nerves are still a problem.

I have since switched driving schools, and found an instructor who is more understanding. He knows I am "in my head" as he puts it, and does what he can to help me relax and feel calm.

I'm currently taking a little break from lessons, as university is very intense, but I was wondering if anyone else has or has had difficulties in learning to drive, and maybe stories of how you got over them.

I ask because most of the difficulties I have experienced point to ASD.

 

[Archer36]

You actually did the right thing. An instructor that gets frustrated while you are trying to learn is a very bad thing.

Last summer, I took my motorcycle licence. I was a huge challenge for me. As you, I did very well with the theory. Then I went to a ridding school, and the instructors were horrible and unhelpful. Then I quickly got nervous and it destroyed my experience and I failed the test miserably.

So few months after, I went back to a different school, and it was day and night .. they were extremely helpful and gentle with me. I really enjoyed the experience this time and I passed the exam and didn't lose a single point. *is proud*

If you can control you anxiety, you wont have any trouble getting your licence. A good instructor is the key. Also there is nothing wrong in spending more time on lessons before doing your final exam. As an aspie, I like when people tell me directly what to do instead of expecting me to do it naturally. Conveniently, at least in Canada, the final test is just a series of direct commands and they aren't allowed to trick you, they can't ask you to do an illegal turn. So its not too stressful.

You'll get it.

 

[Flinty]

I got my learner's permit on my 16th birthday...and had to renew it twice because I didn't know anyone who I wanted to teach me to drive and was available. No chance of me learning anything with my dad teaching.

Finally I found a cop and his wife who were willing to do so. Also, I had moved to the big city from the small town so this gave me the opportunity to work in actual traffic with actual signals that get used in other places in the world.

Also, I learned to drive just to get the identification. Seriously. It's been over 10 years since I last drove.

 

[King_Oni]

I never managed to get my license to drive and I doubt I ever will.

I've spent a great deal of money years ago (somewhere around easily 2500 euro/3500 USD) and it just isn't for me. I don't drive a bicycle either... so I think traffic in general is a big no-no for me.

The instructor in general wasn't bad. He was quite calm and took his time. Yet, because of that I felt that my driving lessons were a clock ticking where in stead of minutes I just saw money falling in a pit. I wasn't that nervous driving, but it just didn't feel intuitive to me. The shifting, anticipating others, focusing on traffic and the overall controls of a car... these are things that are a given in driving a car, but my brain just didn't really do a lot with it. And perhaps having a temper at times doesn't add to keeping calm either. I just couldn't deal with other people on the road that were not model drivers (well, I can't even deal with them when I'm just walking on the sidewalk; I'll just silently wish horrible things upon them)

So add in the non-intuitive feel for driving a car, the high expense that comes with it, it doesn't work out for me. What I've also found an issue; retaining information. That's a more personal thing as well I guess. But I had an hour a week (or even 2 hours a week) of driving (since most driving schools don't even do more hours a week than that) it didn't really work out well either. I really need to do it a lot to keep the information (hopefully around). At some point my driving classes felt like day 1 every single time (and of course, at the end after 35 somewhat lessons, when my money slowly ran out; cause no job or any income, I ended up doing an hour per 2 weeks). If I were to obtain my license I think I'd need to drive a car around 10 hours every day just to retain my driving capabilities. Those factors all together made me decide I shouldn't drive...

Perhaps if I were to obtain a license to just cruise around in a car on a track for fun, that might be different. But considering there is safety and risks involved, I"m not the best for driving. And considering a license often is means for a job, it would mean I would have to force myself through a high risk environment daily... I don't see that happening (nor would I be able to get the motivation for that).

Funny thing however is, I own a moped license. I never drove a moped though (and I never will I think). Back when I got it (in 2008) there only was a theory test (which changed in 2010 or so when you have to do a practical exam for a moped as well), and I did that just fine. I passed my theory for car at the first time as well. So rules are the least of my worries... I think there's a certain type of driving dyspraxia with me, if anything.

 

[Salmongirl17]

Lol I can't drive yet

 

[PrincessBubblegum]

I've never gotten my license. Let me put it this way: I drove a golf cart with my parents as a kid when no one else was around and was doing ok until I had to go down a confined curved path, panicked half way up and abandoned the cart on the hill. Since then, 20 years later, I am still practising steering a shopping cart down the checkout lane and past stopped carts without hitting anything.

In all honesty, I wish to god that I could drive, but I know myself and know I would be so overwhelmed with the multitasking and watching out for others' errors, and preoccupied with what others are thinking, that it wouldn't be safe. That you've gone for lessons is really awesome. I haven't even done that. You ARE succeeding already, you're just taking a bit of extra time to do it correctly -- taking a break when it becomes too much, and making sure you have an understanding, supportive instructor, are really good things.

 

[wyverary]

I agree that a good instructor can make all the difference in the world. The classes I took had a rotating cast of practical (on-the-road) instructors. Two were really nice and laid back, and I learned a lot from them.

I, too, found myself utterly terrified. The trick, I think, was using that fear to my advantage--to keep in mind all the things that could go wrong, to make mental lists of everything I had to do and think of while on the road, and to keep worst-case-scenarios in mind alongside what I knew I could do to avoid them. This was one of those programs that you took, that was licensed by the state to provide instruction, and to give discounts on insurance rates; so, they administered the final road test themselves, much more rigorous than what I would have gone through had I just gone to the DMV; and I wound up with the highest score they had ever given.

As it is, I've been licensed to drive for ten years, and have never had a single citation.

Driving, I am sure, is not for everyone, and maybe those on the spectrum are more prone to difficulties than the wider population; and maybe it's not for everyone. But I am saying, if you can get your mind in the right place, if you can direct your focus where it needs to be...that is what it will take to become proficient, confident, and safe.

 

[Dr. Calagari]

Well, I'm too young to drive, and won't be able to drive when I'm older for medical reasons, but yeah, I find go carting and other things like that impossible

 

[Max]

I eventually decided that driving was not for me; it was just so stressful, and unnecessary in a city with decent public transport.
I would have guilt dreams all the time about running someone over or causing a crash.

 

[tlc]

I got my license 22 years ago. I am thankful I live(d) in a desolate area, because learning in the big city would be frightening. The big city is frightening enough as it is, and when I say big city I mean 50k people. Here the city is more like 5k people, and I still prefer to stick to the back roads most of the time. I couldn't begin to imagine a place like Chicago, New York, LA, etc.

I drive about 30k miles a year and most of it is to work and back, and to get my daughter here and back. Public transit is basically nonexistent here. Besides I like to explore quiet back roads and things. I'd go nuts if I couldn't go get away from people. Don't know what I'd do without a car.

As far as finding my way around, that's always been natural. I have an innate sense of direction and also can go by things like sun, moon, stars if needed. My grandpa used to try to get me lost on back roads and I always knew where we were. I don't have a smartphone or gps, but I have a paper map book for all the counties. To go somewhere new I first look up where I'm going, get a visual, then it's planted in my head. I don't say left, right... I say north, south, etc. The full map is always upright in my head. And if something happens, I just think about what I call the law of boundaries. Keep going in a certain direction and you pretty much have to encounter one of the roads that surround where you are, or a river, or whatever. And if you don't then you just turn back around and go back the way you came.

 

[Wintertime]

I love driving. I do better with machines than with a lot of other things, especially people. I know what to expect from machines and they understand my input perfectly (e.g. I want to go faster, so here's some pressure on the gas pedal, no ambiguity there). That's why I was drawn to computers early on too, I could understand how they worked better than I understood hyoomans (hehe). I understand how the car works, how the engine does its job, the physics of propulsion, cause and effect, and I was able to do a lot of experimentation as I grew up in a more rural area. I also had access to a 'beater' car, so I could just mess around on my own and gain experience without too much stress or dire consequences. Maybe that made the difference.

I got my license around 25 years ago (started driving 5 years earlier than that) and things have probably changed a lot. I feel bad for people who have to take the test now, or have to take it in really busy urban environments. I actually failed my first driver's test but got a perfect score on my second one. The call for independence was just too strong. And my car is my haven now. I live in an apartment so I often feel so constricted here, can't make any noise without unpleasant neighbours yelling about it, so when I'm stressed I like to hop in the car and go for a drive with the music at high volume. There is no stress relief that works better for me than music and freedom.

I guess if it is possible, that is what I would suggest to those on the spectrum who want to drive. If you can, just have alone time to work things out for yourself in the mechanical sense. Having someone else around evaluating doesn't usually make for optimum conditions for us when we are insecure or not very confident with a thing. So that would be the best advice if possible. Go somewhere with a car that it won't hurt too much if you ding or dent it or even ruin it, experiment with it in a safe place outside of traffic so that you can take your time to learn what to expect from it and gain familiarity with the whole process.

The points made about finding a good instructor are key as well. My dad tried to teach me to drive manual and it was a horror, I almost dropped driving forever after that outing that I had with him. He had me drive from our house in the boonies to the town we lived by, I was a neurotic anxiety-ruined mess and at some point had to just pull over and let him drive. The failure was a big blow and deeply upsetting. But the instructor actually explained the process of what was happening, explained what happened when I put in the clutch, explained about the flywheels, and how the mechanical aspects worked, and what do you know? I nailed it. Thanks to that information. I drive a manual to this day and love it.

There is hope for anyone on the spectrum who wants to drive. But I definitely also respect people who don't want to do it, like King_Oni talked about. I can understand that, because I have the same experience with different things so I don't do them. Just not the car, thankfully. Cause I sure need it where I live!

 

[King_Oni]

Cause I sure need it where I live!

That's probably true for a lot of people. They need a car to get somewhere. Myself, not so much. There's a train stop (which has a train departing to either side every 15 minutes) at the end of the street from 6 am till about 1 am. There's a good public transport network and I'm on walking distance to the mall and grocery stores. I can pretty much go places all over without a car. And taking in considering that if I want to see my girlfriend, the train is cheaper (since a 100 mile drive at extortionate gas prices over here is silly).

So there's a certain logic and reasoning to it as well for me.

Would it be bad if public transport just stopped... yeah, probably, but that such reasoning would be the same if they upped the fuel prices at a rate a your monthly wage per gallon. It's not likely to happen to be cut off completely.

 

[Wintertime]

Gas prices... ugh. Ours aren't as bad as I hear they are in Europe, but the States is of course cheaper. I want my hover car already. We have terrible public transit in my area, which is the lower mainland of BC. Vancouver itself isn't too bad but there is only a 7-11 within walking distance of my building.

 

[tlc]

Yes Wintertime I understand completely about being one with a machine. That's how I am. I fix everything myself so I couldn't go without understanding exactly what's happening to make the car do it's things.

I carry my tools with me and a handful of times over all these years and miles I've had to stop and work on something on the way. But what's better is I can be aware of every little thing the car should be doing and if it's starting to go weird, I can get home or somewhere safe and fix it more conveniently before I end up dead on the side of the road.

Also helps with driving in the winter, understanding the physics of traction and keeping yourself out of the ditch.

 

[Wintertime]

Yeah tlc, me too! I used to fix my old Honda Civics myself, just light repairs like changing starters and stuff like that, I was never physically strong enough to swap a transmission or anything. I remember my dad and his friends swapped out one of those old Civic's motors for me once. I couldn't have done that. :} I have arthritis problems now so I can't even change a tire, but I miss being able to. I love machines and used to build computers a lot too, but got bored of it because it got tedious and so I bought a laptop finally. I was the kid that would take apart the toaster then put it back together again. I always just fixed stuff myself, electronics especially. I understand machines. But I am terrible at programming vcr's or whatever we use these days.

That is exactly how I ended being ok to drive in the snow, learning about physics of traction in a practical context as opposed to just academically. Applied knowledge. My dad actually helped that time, we used to go out and do donuts in parking lots and did a lot of recreational snow driving, including on mountains. So by observing, and then doing what I was not supposed to do but in a controlled environment, I learned how to do what I -was- supposed to do in adverse conditions. I love physics and figuring out why things work the way they do, and applying it to real world scenarios. :}

 

[tlc]

My thing has been mainly FWD GM cars and minivans. But lately I tried breaking from the mold a bit and got a Geo Tracker and it's been fun, I can now go on a lot of these back roads I couldn't do or would get stuck trying. Figuring out where an old road goes is one of those obsessive urges once I find out about it. It's also very easy to work on, which is most important to me. Otherwise I probably WOULD be afraid of all the driving.

A possible aspie trait of being able to visualize everything, helps to fix cars too. Since often you can't see what you are doing but have to just feel around and get a visual of exactly what's there and know what to do with it.

And yes about gas too, it becomes more and more valuable to seek out the cheapest gas on our travels. (Basically I run 700 miles every other weekend for my daughter, reasons later.) I often run numbers in my head to see if I can make it to the cheaper gas station that is some distance away, accounting for weather, etc. I've also done aermods to one car to take it from 32 to 40 mpg.

Yes I used to tear apart appliances and things since I was 2. And when I was a kid I was the only one in the house who knew how to reset the clocks for time change and all. But now I'm happily stuck on the old tech and am clueless about these smartphones and all (but could learn if I had to). I still use a 10 ft c-band dish.

 

[Wintertime]

Ha! We are so alike in that respect, tlc, I am lost with today's technology as well. I don't own a smart phone and the thought of figuring out how to use one makes me nervous. I could probably learn them too (well you know, of course, it isn't rocket surgery) but I will admit to being a bit intimidated and I think it's because they simply do too much these days. There are too many options and all I want is a phone, because I have ADHD too and so all those options and functions tend to be really distracting and doesn't help me focus on the task at hand. The new way that cable tv is delivered now makes me a bit anxious, too and for similar reason, it isn't very linear, there are all these different options and what not and it is just too much for me. It's funny!

My dad was the 4x4'er and loves his stock car racing and Chevys, I took on that love of cars but had to put my own spin on it, so I prefer imports and enjoy other kinds of racing (I wanted to be a race car driver sooo bad but the noise was too much for my sensitivities anyway). My 1980 Civic was FWD and therefore could mountain crawl with the best of them. Me and an ex got out of some potentially sticky situations with that car, like almost being stuck in a muddy lakebed that had dried up a short time before we had gone driving on it. I actually drive a 99 Sunfire 5 speed now, I've had that car for hmm, 10 years? and to my surprise, it has been a fantastic car and the sound of her engine is very pleasant. I got the car from my cousin and normally I would have chosen a Prelude or something. Not too throaty like muscle cars but you can tell there's something under the hood making the nice purring noise. It's only a 2.2L engine, so I'm proud of her and that car has been good to me, only had to replace the clutch in 10 years use (although that ended up costing a lot of money).

I've been trying to think of things that might be helpful to someone on the spectrum that would like to learn how to drive. I think it would be different with what the main problem is- is it the random aspect of dealing with other drivers and not knowing what they are going to do, or is it having too many things to focus on, like traffic rules, or just operating the car itself? I think that the best advice is to find someone to teach you, or have a set up to learn in that works with your best learning style, without anxiety. Like with me, and how having the mechanical process explained helped me learn how to operate the car with confidence because I understood the actual process of the effects my actions were making. And having the space to pfutz around yourself without being watched and evaluated, to get the hang of things at your own pace and comfort level without having to worry about another person. But that isn't possible for everyone, which is unfortunate of course.

I was also thinking about your answer, King_Oni, and I will admit that it would be nice to have reliable public transport here, or be able to walk to shops and things. I do like the convenience of my own car though, definitely. I would really love to take a train, like a real train. That would be really cool and I've always wanted to do that, but it's an expense that I couldn't justify right now. I'd have to rent a room for at least one night because of the schedules probably, ah so many logistics to worry about.