Greatshield17
Claritas Prayer Group#9435
I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right category or not; it touches on several topics and I'm not sure which one to put it under. Regardless of what category this fits under, I do want this thread to focus mainly on personal issues of trying to express myself; rather than my views of what I am trying to express. So here's my story:
Back in 2016, I reverted to the Catholic Faith, throughout my teenage and young adult years, I had developed the habit being reclusive and not expressing myself. At the time I was attending a secular college, and the classes in that college taught certain agendas and a certain worldview and narrative which, after reverting, I got a fuller picture of, frank, how hostile that narrative was. On top of that, there was the whole 2016 elections, and some of the media my parents were consuming started to portray people of my philosophical persuasion in a very negative light.
All this, combined with my reclusive habits caused me to really hide my thoughts, feelings and views, I had to make the Sign of the Cross covertly when I prayed. (I was self-conscious about making the Sign of the Cross in public in general, but I was especially scared about doing it at my college.) This led to feelings of frustration, guilt, shame, and eventually bottled-up anger, which added more to my reluctance to express myself, because I was afraid of exploding and lashing-out at people.
I'm now at a point where, I could talk to a stranger on the street about my views, if I prepared myself in advance. But with my parents and brother, (They know now by the way, or they have some idea at least) and some of my peers and former-classmates, I have issues; I have difficulties expressing myself without getting angry, and I have bottled-up anger and resentment over not expressing myself in the past. In general I still have bottled-up negative emotions over all this, it all leaves me feeling like I won't be respected or treated with dignity.
Do you have similar experiences and struggles? How have managed with them? (Particularly the bottled-up emotions.) Do you have any advice about how to deal with this?
I mentioned the Canadian Martyrs in a thread on the Religion sub-forum. The main reason why I admire them and have a devotion to them is, I want to be like them; I don't want to have these feelings of anger and resentment when I'm faced with some kind of opposition or hostility, I want to hold on to my peace.
Back in 2016, I reverted to the Catholic Faith, throughout my teenage and young adult years, I had developed the habit being reclusive and not expressing myself. At the time I was attending a secular college, and the classes in that college taught certain agendas and a certain worldview and narrative which, after reverting, I got a fuller picture of, frank, how hostile that narrative was. On top of that, there was the whole 2016 elections, and some of the media my parents were consuming started to portray people of my philosophical persuasion in a very negative light.
All this, combined with my reclusive habits caused me to really hide my thoughts, feelings and views, I had to make the Sign of the Cross covertly when I prayed. (I was self-conscious about making the Sign of the Cross in public in general, but I was especially scared about doing it at my college.) This led to feelings of frustration, guilt, shame, and eventually bottled-up anger, which added more to my reluctance to express myself, because I was afraid of exploding and lashing-out at people.
I'm now at a point where, I could talk to a stranger on the street about my views, if I prepared myself in advance. But with my parents and brother, (They know now by the way, or they have some idea at least) and some of my peers and former-classmates, I have issues; I have difficulties expressing myself without getting angry, and I have bottled-up anger and resentment over not expressing myself in the past. In general I still have bottled-up negative emotions over all this, it all leaves me feeling like I won't be respected or treated with dignity.
Do you have similar experiences and struggles? How have managed with them? (Particularly the bottled-up emotions.) Do you have any advice about how to deal with this?
I mentioned the Canadian Martyrs in a thread on the Religion sub-forum. The main reason why I admire them and have a devotion to them is, I want to be like them; I don't want to have these feelings of anger and resentment when I'm faced with some kind of opposition or hostility, I want to hold on to my peace.
