Difficulty with work and other commitments? Anyone else?

[katiediddy]

Hi, I am new here but I really need some support. I have aspergers/HFA.

I have noticed that I am able to do ok and appear more "normal' socially and behavior wise for a while but then I can't keep it up. Its way too exhausting and frustrating. I have had 2 previous jobs and now I am on my third. I am worried that because my true self is coming out, I am going to loose my job. Does this happen to anyone else? Are able to maintain some level of "normalcy" until you just can't? How do you cope with it?

Luckily, my boss is understanding (we work with children with autism) but I am worried she is going to notice this huge shift in me and fire me. I just can't keep up with all the social and behavior demands right now. When I first told her I was on the spectrum, she was shocked and said I carried myself well and now there is a huge behavior shift in me. I am not sure what to do.

 

[Sparticus]

You doing what you should-posting here seeking info. The same pattern happened to me. I had a great coping strategy. Either I'd get fired or I'd quit many jobs. But at the time the economy was better. Not saying you should do that & I say this tongue in cheek. Whatever that means... But consider checking out more threads here to see how others think. This has helped me a lot to see what I'm doing Aspie wise.

Someone once told me to "talk it out" and seek support. There are others here who are more informed per what you are asking. But I hope you find some Aspie acquaintainces & a place to either talk it out or write it out. Good luck!

 

[Judge]

Are able to maintain some level of "normalcy" until you just can't? How do you cope with it?

I suppose such a question may depend on where you are on the spectrum. I'm not even sure about that.

While I seem to have nearly all the traits/behaviors of AS, they are relatively mild. Of course this has been problematic for me being in my late 50s and only beginning to figure it all out at this point in my life. I've come to realize that I have been able to "fake" it to some degree depending on the circumstances and my traits involved. Attempting to mimic Neurotypical behavior even though it never came natural to me. I'm just not sure at all whether I can correlate my ability or inability to mimic such behavior based on where I am on the spectrum of autism.

I held a highly analytical job (insurance underwriting) for several years- nearly two decades. However the job evolved as a result of changes in the legal/political environment causing my job to become far more marketing oriented than making authoritative decisions. As an underwriter I was great. As a marketing representative my Aspie traits made the job overwhelming.

Eventually I finally left the company. A good solution in hindsight, as that was a decision I made 17 years before I knew I was on the spectrum. I wish I had definitive answers to your question, however I can only offer possible "strategies" to consider. And yes, even though I could mimic certain behaviors, it never stopped being stressful or uncomfortable for me.

At this point in my life I'm self-employed....and the stresses of being an Aspie are minimal. However self-employment has its own stresses...however I still don't think I've robbed Peter only to pay Paul. Not yet, anyways. I guess from my perspective, the best solution may lie in choosing a job that accommodates your traits/behaviors the best you can. Admittedly a very tall order in this economy and job market.

 

[Stik]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I often feel like I can't keep up and once in a while I just need an entire day to be alone and relax to rejuvenate. I do feel it becomes easier as I get older because I find that I care less if I do something socially awkward. Just the other day someone on here gave me the advice of just concentrating on the next twelve hours. GREAT advice, but it's not super easy. It has helped me get through this crazy week!

 

[MoCoffee]

Welcome to the site Katie! Have you thought of talking to your boss about this? She is familiar with autism and might be understanding. She would probably prefer to know you are struggling rather than find out when you have a meltdown or quit. Perhaps she can help you find ways to manage your social anxiety, so you can keep, and maybe even enjoy, your job. Good luck. I wish you all the best! I'm retired now, but I absolutely know how hard it is to have to act NT all the time. It truly is exhausting.