Dipping my Toes Into the Pool

[EthelthrethWinetiger]

Hello to all of you!

I'm a 37-y/o man (well, more NB, but that's another conversation) who has been in the process of realizing that I'm autistic. I always resonated with spectrum-y folks, but was relatively high-functioning, so I thought it couldn't be me, especially because I was able to explain away a lot of the symptoms with trauma. But, after dropping out of school a few times, I finally managed to graduate and become licensed as a counsellor, and in the course of my studies, it became obvious to me that descriptions of Asperger's/HF autism fit me to a T. The past few weeks I've been obsessively researching, and am shocked how much this explains pretty much everything in my life - the social dysfunction, the hyper-sensitivity, the obsessiveness, struggles with school/jobs, the PDA, the stimming, the constant burnout from masking, the insomnia, all the other health issues... even now, I can't handle working much, can't afford a place to live, and so I live in my car, which is hard in the Canadian winter.

The other day, I went to a walk-in clinic to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist for assessment, but was told that it's not covered by public healthcare here in BC, and just the assessment costs upwards of $5000. This is so disappointing, as I thought maybe I'd finally be able to access some support, but it's only available to people with a diagnosis, and you have to be rich to access that. So for the foreseeable future, I'll keep struggling along, trying to survive in this neuro-typical world.

Anyway, I figured that I might find some people with common experiences here, because there's no one I can really talk to in the real world (ironically, as a new therapist who hasn't yet found any clients and survives by delivering pizzas and odd gardening jobs, I can't afford my own therapy). I'm a multi-instrumentalist/music producer, artist, writer, environmentalist, permaculturalist and more, and look forward to connecting more with others on the spectrum, as well as learning more about living with autism.

 

[tree]

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome @EthelthrethWinetiger. Glad you found this place. Let us know if you have any questions about how the site works.

 

[daniegirl6224]

Welcome!! This is a great place, glad to have you here

 

[TBRS1]

That's s lot of hard things. I wish you well, and also welcome.

 

[Outdated]

Hi and welcome to the forums. A lot of members here are undiagnosed, even in countries where it's affordable. Unless as you mentioned you're after welfare assistance it's not really of much use. I found there to be very little support for autistic adults, it's almost entirely directed at the parents of autistic children. This forum is the best support I've managed to find, being able to talk to other people with the same lived experiences makes a world of difference. I also find most "professional" information about autism to be at best misguided or misinformed.

As for welfare, I did end up on a full disability pension but autism alone wouldn't have given me that, the fact that I ran away in to the bush and lived like a feral animal for over decade tipped the balance in my favour.

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @EthelthrethWinetiger!

See if Canada has a national autism society. They could help point you to available resources.

 

[EthelthrethWinetiger]

@Outdated , thanks for your insights. I'm coming to realize, as you say, that many of the folks here are undiagnosed, so that makes me feel better about being here, in a way. I get that there's really limited use in getting the diagnosis - especially considering how much trouble it is - for me, part of it would be to potentially convince my family that I legitimately have something going on, but also, given my issues functioning in society, the thought of being able to maybe access disability benefits is part of it. For now it's neither here nor there. I'd agree with you also that having a place to talk to people with similar experiences is probably the most helpful thing at this stage.

Curious whereabouts you spent your feral time in the bush? I did that for a few years myself, in Quebec, when I ran away from home at 17, refusing to have anything to do with the corruption of capitalist society - had more energy for that kind of thing back then.

 

[Outdated]

Curious whereabouts you spent your feral time in the bush? I did that for a few years myself, in Quebec, when I ran away from home at 17, refusing to have anything to do with the corruption of capitalist society - had more energy for that kind of thing back then.

I was living in Darwin when my burnout finally reached it's peak, I was 43 years old at the time. We all have occasional daydreams of escaping to a remote tropical paradise, for me all I had to do was walk out the front door and that's exactly what I did. Left everything behind and started a new life.

I headed south to the township of Adelaide River first, the countryside around there is incredibly pretty, but ended up spending a decade in and around Dundee/Bynoe Harbour further west. Claiming unemployment benefits is a lot easier in a remote location, there's no pressure on you to get a job because there's no jobs to be had and not having to pay any rent gives you plenty of play money.

Eventually I got too old for it though, (54) the heat became harder to take, but something else happened out there as well. I found out about autism and then all the missing pieces of my life started coming together. I jumped on a plane down to Adelaide because services are so much better here, booked myself in for a diagnosis, got myself social housing, and got the pension. That's my retirement sorted, now to kick back and enjoy it.

 

[EthelthrethWinetiger]

@Outdated Ohh, very interesting. I've never been to Australia, but always wondered what Adelaide area was like - you hear so much about Melbourne, Sydney and Perth, but less so anywhere else. The trip from Darwin to Adelaide sounds pretty wild.

 

[Richelle-H]

Welcome to the forums.

By the time my diagnosis of Asperger's was handed to me, it made next to no difference in my life. Did it explain some things? Possibly! My tendency to wear a different mask to fit the situation was discarded years before, which was most likely what led to a friend suggesting that I might be on the spectrum. However, that diagnosis saved the job I retired from at a critical moment in my life (happy to explain the situation in private but it is too long and too boring to put in the public area).My official diagnosis was a golden ticket, so not completely useless.

My life, in retrospect, has seemed charmed. Mostly devoid of anything but minor conflicts, and those were all of my own making. At times I feel as if I must have had a fairy godmother looking out for me.

Anyway, enough about me. I think you will find that you will fit in here quite well, which is my takeaway from your posts. This is a great place for respect, reflection, advice, and just blowing off steam from time to time.

I hope you stay, if it is within your means.

 

[brandybild]

Indeed, Hello and welcome to our forum, Ethelthreth! Glad you are here. I'm agreeing with several other posts, that a diagnosis later in life is basically meaningless, unless, as you point out, it leads to benefits such as counseling. But, this group will support you and offer suggestions, I feel sure. Stick around, the party is just starting! Feel free to say what's going on with you, ask questions, seek information here. Good luck!

 

[Outdated]

@Outdated Ohh, very interesting. I've never been to Australia, but always wondered what Adelaide area was like - you hear so much about Melbourne, Sydney and Perth, but less so anywhere else. The trip from Darwin to Adelaide sounds pretty wild.

Adelaide is a quiet town, a good place for raising families. It has 1.4 million people so it’s big enough to have everything you need yet it remains a quiet and peaceful place. There’s not much in the way of nightlife here, if you want that then you want Melbourne, and as Melbourne’s only 8 hours drive away that’s what a lot of people do.

Adelaide was never a penal colony, instead it was started as a free settlement for those that could afford it. An old English quip was about how nice the Mediterranean would be if it wasn’t full of foreigners and that’s what Adelaide offered them, a very English city with a Mediterranean climate.


The people of Adelaide have a slightly different attitude to the rest of the country, and a different accent as well. Historically we have the least corrupt government in the country and this shows dramatically in our economy. Adelaide doesn’t have any toll roads because they are unconstitutional, instead the government saves up and allocates taxes towards roads and infrastructure. South Australia also tends to adopt new technology a lot more quickly than the other states and tends to be leader of the pack on social issues.

It’s a very modern city but without as much hustle and bustle.

Being Canadian you won’t be as shocked as a lot of people are by the vast empty distances between cities but the heat will probably knock you around a bit at first. The drive from Darwin to Adelaide will take 32 hours, if you’re in a hurry you can do it in 2 days but as a tourist you’d want to spend a week on that trip, there’s a lot of things to see and none of them are next to the main highway.

Google Maps