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Disclosing autism to friends?

QuiteOdd

QuiteOdd

New Member
I have a bit of a confusing situation.
I am not officially diagnosed, even though I am 95% sure of my self-diagnosis. My therapist has even confirmed my suspicions and said that I would likely get an Asperger's diagnosis if it still existed here.
So, here's my question: can I disclose self-diagnosis to friends? I personally think it would be helpful for explaining my social difficulties (such as not understanding jokes, sensory things, etc.). Plus I'm really happy about the diagnosis, as it has given me context for my experiences, so I'd be happy to share the information with people who know me well.
The only thing holding me back is that it's a self-diagnosis rather than an official one, so I'm worried people will be more likely to question it.
 
Why dont you ask the therapist what she thinks about doing that? It's good to start with well educated advice in general. I dont think I would tell anyone just yet, I have not. It's a personal choice
 
It is a personal choice. You have to know the individual to whom you are speaking. My concern is that someone is going to get curious, start asking more pointed questions, and then discover you're a "hypochondriac" doing self-diagnosis via "Dr. Google". You see where I am going with this? You risk undermining your credibility. Whether or not you are autistic is irrelevant in this case. Now,...you can always lie about being professionally diagnosed. That may satisfy them,...until something happens in the future where you could take advantage of the protections held under the ADA (legal, employment, etc.)...and you can't because you don't have your official diagnosis. It's a "sticky-widget".
 
Given my age and the expense involved it is unlikely I will ever get an offical diagnosis.

I have decided to not tell others because most people really don't know about autisim, and what they think they know comes from movies like rainman.

However, I can still use my suspicians to ease my life by simply being more open about my experiences. Instead of making excuses for avoiding going out like "I am tired", I will say "Thank you but no. I get overwhelmed at parties". Or "I find that joke confusing" .

I think this is a winning strategy in part because some people might think autisim is the same as being intellectually impared. I don't want people to treat me like an idiot or start disregarding my opinion because they are ignorant.

Also, it seems your therapist is not quite accurate in their facts. "Aspbergers" is now rolled into the DSM 5 for Autisim Spectrum Disorder. That only means your diagnosis has a shiny new label of ASD1 (or any other number) not that your symptoms are now considered normal. An offical diagnosis is still very much available to you.
 
I am self-diagnosed, but I'm 100% certain of my diagnosis.
I am very selective about who I disclose to. I have to know them very well, enough to understand how they will interpret me and autism. So, I haven't disclosed to very many friends, or even family, but I am also not secretive, resistant or ashamed, I just don't mention it if I know the person will misinterpret the news.
I have told people like my primary care physician and other health care professionals including dentist, optometrist, etc. Not one of them has asked how I was diagnosed, but all entered the diagnosis in their notes.
 
Personally, I have already disclosed my suspicions to a couple of friends. There was some surprise but no one questioned it. My fear with disclosing is that people may use the information to dismiss my thoughts/feelings. For example, I recently told a friend about an awkward encounter I had where I felt someone was being passive-aggressive. I wonder if my friend knew of my diagnosis if he would have been more likely to dismiss my concern ie. "You just feel that way because you have autism."

Anyway, I agree that it's a personal choice but I definitely understand the excitement and relief that comes with learning that you aren't just some odd creature. You have a real condition that helps explain your difficulties. It makes sense that you might want to share that revelation with friends.

You may not have an official diagnosis but you have a professional who has worked with you and confirmed that you're likely on the spectrum. That said, is it necessary to tell your friends whether it was a self-diagnosis versus a professional diagnosis? It shouldn't matter but if you feel your friends might dismiss a self-diagnosis maybe it's possible to tell them you have Asperger's without going into detail about how you were diagnosed.
 
Best to keep such things on a "need-to-know" basis only. And be prepared for a wide scope of responses that you would not have expected from even those thought to be close to you in either blood or friendship.

With or without a formal medical diagnosis. With an understanding that once you tell someone such a thing, you cannot take it back. As for questioning such a diagnosis, that is likely to be the least of your concerns if you choose to "let the cat out of the bag".

With a realization that most likely few will want to understand and succeed. With more who will want to understand, but fail. And the vast majority who will not want to understand, and insist or even demand that you conform to the behavior of a social majority.
 
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I’m sorry that I’ve told anyone, it didn’t go over well even with my GP doctor the other day. He just looked and said nothing?

Doubts from my old partying gang that is still left - if anyone they should know?

FOO, they were a horses behind before and nothing changed so sorry I told them too.

Only good that came out of learning was for myself and my husband. Other than that for me I should have kept my mouth shut.
 
It's up to you if you want to tell your friends that you're questioning that you probably have autism on some level. Most of the people I talk to online have some form of it (I heavily avoid people that don't like autism), so they knew about it from me pretty much instantly because I sounded like them. You're still going to have autism even until you get a diagnosis because it always stays with you as that has been my experience with it so you'd just be letting them know ahead of time in my view. Some people will be very accommodating and some people won't. I wish you the best of luck.
 
I have an official diagnosis but feel like it’s a bit awkward to bring it up, often what I do is just briefly mention stuff that’s a part of it, like explaining auditory processing issues or trouble picking up sarcasm, when it’s pertinent. It’s also helpful for me to only have to remember little pieces instead of one long explanation all at once, if someone isn’t very familiar with ASDs.
 
Thought of something that is humorous to me now. My hateful mother use to complain to my brother and I that we had weird friends, and why did we always have to have such strange friends. We didn’t know the answer then but we liked our friends. Now I know, they were just like us! :-)
 
The real question is whether you think they would want to know. If so, why? Telling them explains nothing to an average NT and won't change any irritation your behavior might cause. Telling them could result in negative consequences. That kind of knowledge could be used in an unfavorable way. It will also probably spread to others you are less acquainted with.

My philosophy is knowledge of my personal life is given on a need-to-know basis. I don't have many friends. The number of people in my life with a "need to know" about that can be counted on one hand with fingers left over.
 
ForestGumpett said:
Thought of something that is humorous to me now. My hateful mother use to complain to my brother and I that we had weird friends, and why did we always have to have such strange friends. We didn’t know the answer then but we liked our friends. Now I know, they were just like us! :)
Click to expand...
 
Say it to people you find good friends because good friends should accept you the way you are. Who doesn't accept that he isn't your friend. From my experience, most people (teens in my case) don't care a lot about it when I tell them about ASD. They don't have more understanding of my problems, but they also don't react badly.
 
I am self diagnosed as well. I don't have a problem telling people I am autistic and if they ask I will tell them I am self diagnosed. Only people that have asked are people that have known me for awhile. Some of them don't believe me because I don't look or act to them like they think an autistic person should look and act. I have even had a few people accuse me of making it up to be lazy or get out of doing things. I don't care if people believe me or not. I know who I am and I don't need a piece of paper to prove it to other people.
 
QuiteOdd said:
I have a bit of a confusing situation.
I am not officially diagnosed, even though I am 95% sure of my self-diagnosis. My therapist has even confirmed my suspicions and said that I would likely get an Asperger's diagnosis if it still existed here.
So, here's my question: can I disclose self-diagnosis to friends? I personally think it would be helpful for explaining my social difficulties (such as not understanding jokes, sensory things, etc.). Plus I'm really happy about the diagnosis, as it has given me context for my experiences, so I'd be happy to share the information with people who know me well.
The only thing holding me back is that it's a self-diagnosis rather than an official one, so I'm worried people will be more likely to question it.
Click to expand...

I have disclosed to a few friends who are similar to myself with some success. A couple of my friends confided that they either knew or believed they were on the spectrum, and disclosing strengthened our friendship.

I would only disclose to people I know very well, and who are likely to be receptive.
 
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