Hello all,
Firstly, thank you so much for having a place like this for people like me to seek, suggest, or simply gain knowledge about ASD.
I would like to start off by saying that I did not create my account to post this thread for pity, sympathy, attention, certainly not a diagnosis, or for any other reason one may post revealing things about their life.
So, I have to admit, I have been in a few minor car wrecks and sustained injuries to the head, a few accidents not involving vehicles where I injured my head, I do also remember banging my head on walls and books in school around the age of 10 years old or so, and finally lots of alcohol and drug abuse that have all contributed to a very poor memory. So I apologize in advance if I am not always clear or direct, or say things out of order.
In the past week, I have had my mind blown away time and time again, broke down with very deep feelings of relating to people posting videos on YouTube about autism and it's traits. The first video I watched was for some odd reason in my suggested videos to watch. I thought, "hmmm, signs of autism in men... That's interesting". I have ever only met 1 person in my life to my knowledge whom I knew was diagnosed with autism, and he was a child. I don't actually know him personally, he at the time was my neighbors nephew. And I was just hooking up his Xbox 360 I believe it was. Oh how he was excited to get to playing his games, I related very much to that. But I felt so awkward and I never look people in the eyes or face so I didn't see his reactions, only hearing the few answers he was replying to his uncle.
Anyways, I watched this video on YouTube about 7 signs of autism in men, and all of a sudden, my life began to make perfect sense. I could not believe what I had just watched. I had to get my girlfriend to watch it and see if she felt I exhibited any of those traits. Watching this video related to autism had such a profound affect on me, nothing ever made this much sense to me in my entire life. And, I've just turned 40 this past June!
Needless to say, in the course of 4-5 days now I have since watched 50-60 videos all pertaining to autism spectrum, asperger, autism in adults, etc.... And EVERYTHING now looks SO much clearer in my past about why I am the way I am, or perhaps maybe why I do or don't do things.
This is truly amazing to me, because, for the better part of my life until a week ago, autism to me was like Rain Man, and I never would, or could, relate to that. But watching these videos and reading all the information I can absorb on the matter has opened my eyes to a completely new world I had actually been living in my entire life with absolutely no idea there was a name for it.
I now think back to the little boy I was helping connect his Xbox so he could play his games and see that he was level 2 as he only spoke a few words but did do fine with those words
I see his severity level was much higher than mine, but I completely relate with his situation and do feel he can achieve fluent speaking and communication with the correct tools and practice.
I have not had any sort of medical diagnosis, only self-diagnosis at this point, but I will be researching therapist and eventually go for the official diagnosis. Until then, I will do like I always do with this new found interest and complete absorb everything I can about it until I feel I have completed what I was searching for or wanting to accomplish with it. And then I will go from there.
Some of the things I have great difficulties/struggles with include, but are not limited to:
-Looking at strangers in the eyes/at their face
Stop a task during interruptions and resuming the task easily
-At night, bright lights are debilitating, and can almost blind me to the point I could wreck if I were driving e.g. a passenger using a smartphone with half brightness or brighter.
-Sounds can be overwhelming e.g. When shopping, while checking out, the clerk might say or ask something and I might not hear them because I heard a cash register open, a coin jingle, a shopping cart with a squeeky wheel go by, and other people having conversations all around me and these sounds all combined into a mess so I have to ask the clerk to repeat themselves and then turn my ear towards them and listen very carefully as if I had a hearing problem.
-Certain fabrics feel horrific and give me goosebumps, blue jeans in particular, wool is not pleasant either. Also, I do not know if I am stimming or it's just touch sensory but I am constantly all day/night long readjusting my clothes/hair.
Social gatherings put me in a high state of anxiety, and although I usually function through them, I know they know something is different about me, or off about me.
-Multiple conversations, no, just not possible. I struggle with a single conversation severely, so having 2 or more conversations = me shut down and only listening or very very little engagement to the groups at that point.
-Looking people In the eyes, for me, is limited to answering someone knocking at the door, interviews, and people I have known a while and been around frequently. But only .5 -1.5 seconds at a time... and then I gaze off because the anxiety levels are so high. I suppose I just don't communicate or understand the need people might have to speak and look into people's eyes at the same time. It's almost a state of panic for me and very awkward and unnerving. However, if I am with someone I've known and it's just me and them I have no problem with looking at their eyes for short periods off and on... And have no problem with them looking at my eyes as well.
-I shake my leg or legs while sitting, but this might bother others if they are around me so I tend to do smaller things but apparently for the same reason as shaking my leg such as... Rub my index finger and thumb together, tap a foot or maybe just tap my toes, adjust my clothing especially my socks. These things comfort me, or make me feel calmer, in social gatherings or even being alone.
-I find patterns in everything (not that I was looking for them), actually, patterns are what my eyes will immediately lock on to in a room, or looking at pictures/books. I will often stare at these patterns while people talk to me too.
-When I am alone, I will pace, I pace for quite possibly hours, especially when I am worried, anxious, nervous, stressed, or excited.
-I often mimic other peoples tones, dialect, and accents unintentionally when speaking to them, but I believe I am doing this to make them feel comfortable talking with me, and to have a positive experience. I'm not entirely sure about the reason for this though.
-I almost never talk, but if I do, I could go on and on and on and on about the same thing for hours which drives people crazy, or makes them bored.
-When I explain things I only explain them logically and with reason, and I look for the same logic and reasoning when people explain things to me. If they do not explain themselves logically I will almost always totally fail to see their point, or their reasoning.
I do 99% of these things on a daily basis unless it is dependent on the situation as I am not social every day so some things depend on me being that way when there is someone around me.
There is a lot more to that list, but I will leave it at that. All my life I thought I was possibly borderline epileptic with no seizures or so mild I didn't realize I had one. I thought that I quite possibly had ADHD, highly likely thought I was borderline bipolar, etc.. And perhaps I may have one or a combination of those.... But autism speaks to me, or more specifically, the people with autism speaks to me on such a deep and profound level that this week feels like the start of my new life!
I, without a doubt, am not licensed or authorized to officially diagnosis myself. But, I will be making that journey to seek a diagnosis when the time and finances are right. Again, I did not post this looking for people to feel sorry for me or help diagnosis me or anything like that. But I instead look forward to hearing all of your ideas, guidance, suggestions, advice, recommendations and any input you feel like sharing.
Thanks again!
Firstly, thank you so much for having a place like this for people like me to seek, suggest, or simply gain knowledge about ASD.
I would like to start off by saying that I did not create my account to post this thread for pity, sympathy, attention, certainly not a diagnosis, or for any other reason one may post revealing things about their life.
So, I have to admit, I have been in a few minor car wrecks and sustained injuries to the head, a few accidents not involving vehicles where I injured my head, I do also remember banging my head on walls and books in school around the age of 10 years old or so, and finally lots of alcohol and drug abuse that have all contributed to a very poor memory. So I apologize in advance if I am not always clear or direct, or say things out of order.
In the past week, I have had my mind blown away time and time again, broke down with very deep feelings of relating to people posting videos on YouTube about autism and it's traits. The first video I watched was for some odd reason in my suggested videos to watch. I thought, "hmmm, signs of autism in men... That's interesting". I have ever only met 1 person in my life to my knowledge whom I knew was diagnosed with autism, and he was a child. I don't actually know him personally, he at the time was my neighbors nephew. And I was just hooking up his Xbox 360 I believe it was. Oh how he was excited to get to playing his games, I related very much to that. But I felt so awkward and I never look people in the eyes or face so I didn't see his reactions, only hearing the few answers he was replying to his uncle.
Anyways, I watched this video on YouTube about 7 signs of autism in men, and all of a sudden, my life began to make perfect sense. I could not believe what I had just watched. I had to get my girlfriend to watch it and see if she felt I exhibited any of those traits. Watching this video related to autism had such a profound affect on me, nothing ever made this much sense to me in my entire life. And, I've just turned 40 this past June!
Needless to say, in the course of 4-5 days now I have since watched 50-60 videos all pertaining to autism spectrum, asperger, autism in adults, etc.... And EVERYTHING now looks SO much clearer in my past about why I am the way I am, or perhaps maybe why I do or don't do things.
This is truly amazing to me, because, for the better part of my life until a week ago, autism to me was like Rain Man, and I never would, or could, relate to that. But watching these videos and reading all the information I can absorb on the matter has opened my eyes to a completely new world I had actually been living in my entire life with absolutely no idea there was a name for it.
I now think back to the little boy I was helping connect his Xbox so he could play his games and see that he was level 2 as he only spoke a few words but did do fine with those words
I see his severity level was much higher than mine, but I completely relate with his situation and do feel he can achieve fluent speaking and communication with the correct tools and practice.I have not had any sort of medical diagnosis, only self-diagnosis at this point, but I will be researching therapist and eventually go for the official diagnosis. Until then, I will do like I always do with this new found interest and complete absorb everything I can about it until I feel I have completed what I was searching for or wanting to accomplish with it. And then I will go from there.
Some of the things I have great difficulties/struggles with include, but are not limited to:
-Looking at strangers in the eyes/at their face
Stop a task during interruptions and resuming the task easily
-At night, bright lights are debilitating, and can almost blind me to the point I could wreck if I were driving e.g. a passenger using a smartphone with half brightness or brighter.
-Sounds can be overwhelming e.g. When shopping, while checking out, the clerk might say or ask something and I might not hear them because I heard a cash register open, a coin jingle, a shopping cart with a squeeky wheel go by, and other people having conversations all around me and these sounds all combined into a mess so I have to ask the clerk to repeat themselves and then turn my ear towards them and listen very carefully as if I had a hearing problem.
-Certain fabrics feel horrific and give me goosebumps, blue jeans in particular, wool is not pleasant either. Also, I do not know if I am stimming or it's just touch sensory but I am constantly all day/night long readjusting my clothes/hair.
Social gatherings put me in a high state of anxiety, and although I usually function through them, I know they know something is different about me, or off about me.
-Multiple conversations, no, just not possible. I struggle with a single conversation severely, so having 2 or more conversations = me shut down and only listening or very very little engagement to the groups at that point.
-Looking people In the eyes, for me, is limited to answering someone knocking at the door, interviews, and people I have known a while and been around frequently. But only .5 -1.5 seconds at a time... and then I gaze off because the anxiety levels are so high. I suppose I just don't communicate or understand the need people might have to speak and look into people's eyes at the same time. It's almost a state of panic for me and very awkward and unnerving. However, if I am with someone I've known and it's just me and them I have no problem with looking at their eyes for short periods off and on... And have no problem with them looking at my eyes as well.
-I shake my leg or legs while sitting, but this might bother others if they are around me so I tend to do smaller things but apparently for the same reason as shaking my leg such as... Rub my index finger and thumb together, tap a foot or maybe just tap my toes, adjust my clothing especially my socks. These things comfort me, or make me feel calmer, in social gatherings or even being alone.
-I find patterns in everything (not that I was looking for them), actually, patterns are what my eyes will immediately lock on to in a room, or looking at pictures/books. I will often stare at these patterns while people talk to me too.
-When I am alone, I will pace, I pace for quite possibly hours, especially when I am worried, anxious, nervous, stressed, or excited.
-I often mimic other peoples tones, dialect, and accents unintentionally when speaking to them, but I believe I am doing this to make them feel comfortable talking with me, and to have a positive experience. I'm not entirely sure about the reason for this though.
-I almost never talk, but if I do, I could go on and on and on and on about the same thing for hours which drives people crazy, or makes them bored.
-When I explain things I only explain them logically and with reason, and I look for the same logic and reasoning when people explain things to me. If they do not explain themselves logically I will almost always totally fail to see their point, or their reasoning.
I do 99% of these things on a daily basis unless it is dependent on the situation as I am not social every day so some things depend on me being that way when there is someone around me.
There is a lot more to that list, but I will leave it at that. All my life I thought I was possibly borderline epileptic with no seizures or so mild I didn't realize I had one. I thought that I quite possibly had ADHD, highly likely thought I was borderline bipolar, etc.. And perhaps I may have one or a combination of those.... But autism speaks to me, or more specifically, the people with autism speaks to me on such a deep and profound level that this week feels like the start of my new life!
I, without a doubt, am not licensed or authorized to officially diagnosis myself. But, I will be making that journey to seek a diagnosis when the time and finances are right. Again, I did not post this looking for people to feel sorry for me or help diagnosis me or anything like that. But I instead look forward to hearing all of your ideas, guidance, suggestions, advice, recommendations and any input you feel like sharing.
Thanks again!
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