"Discovering" Empathy

[Simply a Bibliophile]

I'm not sure if this is a common experience for someone with an ASD or a borderline ASD, but I actually "discovered" empathy when I was 7 or 8 years old. What happened was: I was watching a boy jump into a pool while I sat on the opposite side. My thought process went something like this:

He's jumping into the pool.
I hate jumping into the pool.
I'm glad I'm not jumping into the pool.
But what if I was the one jumping into the pool?
How would I feel if I was jumping into the pool?
Not good.
So why doesn't he feel not good?
He likes jumping, even though I don't like jumping.
That's really strange.

In retrospect, it really was a very funny experience. Has anyone else had something similar happen to them?

 

[Ste11aeres]

I've grown into empathy. But I don't have a particular story as funny as this. :bounce:

 

[SUM1]

I can't feel empathy. I'm not offended by racist jokes, death isn't sad for me, tragic news stories are never sad for me, I don't feel for someone if they're upset (unless it's about something I can relate to, or an exact thing I get upset about too, and for the same reason).

 

[Ste11aeres]

I can't feel empathy. I'm not offended by racist jokes, death isn't sad for me, tragic news stories are never sad for me, I don't feel for someone if they're upset (unless it's about something I can relate to, or an exact thing I get upset about too, and for the same reason).

Who have you known that died? I don't feel sad at tragic news stories either. There are so many bad things happening to so many people...We (this means NTs and ASs both) can't feel sorry for all of them because we'd never feel anything else...Why should we feel more sad for these particular people rather than others just because these people made it onto the news and the others did not?

 

[SUM1]

Who have you known that died? I don't feel sad at tragic news stories either. There are so many bad things happening to so many people...We (this means NTs and ASs both) can't feel sorry for all of them because we'd never feel anything else...Why should we feel more sad for these particular people rather than others just because these people made it onto the news and the others did not?

My great aunt (who I rarely saw died just about a week and a half ago) and my great uncle died in January 2009, and my old friend's dad died of cancer a few years ago too.

 

[by_design]

I have a lot of problems with empathy. I have ADHD not ADS, but I think our general problem is the same. Our brains are wired so much differently then an NT's, that its difficult to feel empathy for them. We have never been one of them so we have no idea how they think, feel or respond. We are only watching them and trying to guess based on our past experiences, which probably never comes close. Having said that, I am trying a few things that doesn't exactly lead to empathy, but rather more meaningful communication with them. NT communication focuses mostly on non-verbal communication such as facial gestures, tone of voice, repeated mannerisms, body stance and varying amounts of eye contact. Verbal communication tends to only come from few significant categories. I enjoy watching soap operas in foreign languages that I don't understand. This forces me to focus all my attention on the non-verbal. Many key components repeat themselves to a common frequency, unless there are any emotional changes, which I can pick up on right away. After a 10 minute segment of this I will use notation to try to capture as much information as I can in written form. By doing this you really get a sense of how sophisticated non-verbal communication is with NTs. The main way it helps me is it keeps me interested in and focused on what the person is communicating by intellectualizing the whole process, which allows me to also enjoy the interaction, and also give the impression that I am actively listening. This is important for a person with ADHD, cause our memory of social interactions is terrible.

 

[Levitikuz]

I can't feel empathy. I'm not offended by racist jokes, death isn't sad for me, tragic news stories are never sad for me, I don't feel for someone if they're upset (unless it's about something I can relate to, or an exact thing I get upset about too, and for the same reason).

Right, I ''understand'' that a person(s) can feel things that I do not (or cannot), but as far as being able to actually relate and feel what they're experiencing is, umm, at the moment impossible.