Do Aspies have selective hearing?

[rolo]

I have experienced this a lot in my interaction with the neurotypical world-not only selective hearing but selective answers and actions as well. I know personally that I do not intentionally mean to be selective when asked a direct question.I do perhaps filter the information or plain forget if there is too much information in one hit. I generally ask people to be as direct as they are able in order to avoid misinterpretation of information. I find my self close to ripping my hair out, especially in the work place, when emails or requests are never answered correctly-. Here is an example- in the neurotypical world I may specifically ask for a blue chair and it must be delivered by tomorrow-I will explain why it must be a chair and why it must be blue, giving rational and well backed data/research and why i need it on by a certain date. After many times of asking I will eventually recieve a yellow sofa!Not only that, it will be a week too late!! meltdown quickly ensues!

Do Aspies deliberately filter out unnecessary information that they deem irrelevant? do we have similarities to our neurotypical cousins? I am aware that we tend not to waffle and we back up our statements in general with sound reasoning-however it appears that we do go off on tangents. Perhaps that is unintentional filtering.I would love to hear what you all think!

 

[Christian T]

I actually think that it's neurotypicals who have the most selctive hearing. A neurotypical often ehars the first few words of what I'm saying and uses it to anticipate the rest, but so much so that they don't even bother listening to the rest. For example: If I was talking about a school production I've been in, and was saying how it really enriched my understanding of theatre, and gave me many new opportunities and skills - that I could then translate into my planned career of being a novelist, they might just say "yeah, it's great for a young actor, isn't it?" completely disregarding the unexpected second part. They only hear what they expect to hear, and what they've heard before and can neatly place into a pre-determined category. So, I do share your frustration about being misinterpreted.

Sometimes, though, I do wish that I had their ability to sift through the details to find the essential point or the most important information. Often, all I can see are the details, and the only ones that stand out to me are the ones that I personally find interesting, rather than the details that I "should" be paying the most attention to, as dictated by the neurotypicals.

 

[Soup]

I see it the same way ChristianT does. I tend to be very clear & precise in my speech. In Rolo's example above, he was extremely clear as to what he wanted. The NT either heard selectively, misunderstood, or was preoccupied & later made an error in recollection with regards to this order or has a flippant dismissive attitude. That last one is relatively rare but it happens. Ad campaigns for everything from hamburgers to home renovations play on that the theme of the customer ordering one thing but getting something else entirely! Wrong item, wrong day wrong time. NTs are famous for trying to multi-task. Some are quite good at it, others have too much going on at the same time, are overwhelmed & their multitasking skills begin to fail. We Aspies tend to do 1 thing at a time. While some of us might multi-task & do 2 things at once, that's about where it ends. Studies show that the more things any person tries to do at once, the less well done each of those things will be because attention & concentration gets spread too thinly.

In Rolo's example I tend to see 2 things: an overwhelmed NT & an Aspie who may be blaming himself for someone else's error. Nothing Rolo did here indicates to me selective hearing: just the typical half-baked service some stores offer.

 

[Christian T]

Thanks Soup, I agree with you too about the multi-tasking

Studies show that the more things any person tries to do at once, the less well done each of those things will be because attention & concentration gets spread too thinly.

It does make perfect sense, doesn't it?

Oh and with

That last one is relatively rare but it happens.

was that my acting example? That sort of misunderstanding actually happens to me quite regularly, though fortunately it's mostly not in the communication of something terribly vital.

 

[Soup]

It was! I thought you'd catch that.

 

[rolo]

The chair and sofa were not real; I was trying to use them to prove a point-I do this often -it was meant as an analogy.It was a work oriented matter that i had spent months researching and planning for and had sent detailed instructions regarding a new website for a charity. they were also aware I was on the spectrum but disregarded both me and the work I had done. Christian T I agree with the point that many neurotypicals do stop listening after the first sentence. Soup- multi tasking and me do not mix-if someone is visiting and i try and make lunch or coffee and they are talking to me I suffer brain death, the kettle will go in the fridge and who knows what will end up in the cups- I am often mistaken for being angry or grump as I constantly hwear a frown due to having to concentrate on either listening to people or doing something I may find difficult.

 

[Loomis]

Aspies do not multi-task well. I get what you are saying. If I am cooking and it needs tending I don't want anyone talking to me. I might shut them out or say "hold on a minute I need to do this." But I would not describe that as selective hearing. Selective hearing would be: I am engaged watching a movie on Netflix and my wife says "would you take out the garbage?" --> I ignore her as if she didn't say anything.

 

[Christian T]

I second (or fourth) the multi-tasking point. If my motor dyspraxia ever permits me to start driving, I'm going to be extremely ant-social at the wheel.