• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Do it... don't!

C

CratchIT

New Member
Hi everyone.
Italy is calling! (Pls be patient if my English is not good)
I'm an Aspie, and I have an Aspie friend. We've been friend for 2 years. The biggest problem is the talking. He freezes and cannot speak anymore.
We fought. (I would say because of what he did, but I know we both have faults in this story).
After 7 months he unblocked me on facebook. (I told him to block me and he did). I know it took a lot of courage to do so. I considered it a cry for help. But he doesn't talk.
I've been diagnosed officially late 2015. (When we were apart)
I really care. He's a good man. (No love feelings)
I started writing him an e-mail, but, everyday it turned out to be longer and longer... So I decided to make a small book out of it. It's cute, gentle, and I explain everything to him. (My diagnosys, what happened recently, what I think happened between us... a new perspective giving my diagnosys, etc)
Now, I'm terrified, and I don't know whether to send it or not.
On one side I want to make him feel secure, and safe, and loved... he's always so afraid I could kick him off of my life, and he istinctively pushes me away, playing the yes/no game all the times. Taking back things, as they are inappropriate, even the little friendship gestures). It seemed to me he did it because he wanted to keep the distances from an hypotetical sufferance.
On the other hand, I'm terrified that sending him this tiny book could be the worst idea ever. Is it selfish to want someone to be happy or to ease his sense of guilt, telling him: "Hey, everything is fine!".
I'd loved to be so loved, but it seems a crazy idea anyway. It's like my Aspie mind is telling me "Go for it! You did an amazing job!", and my copying NT mind is yelling at me: "Are you kidding me? Burn it!!!"
I don't really want anything from him. If he doesn't want to be my friend it's ok. I'm thinking that if he unblocked me, maybe he needs a nice word. It's the first time I don't know if it's good to do something good. I don't even know if it's good or not. :) It sounds magic, but crazy. Insane but a true sign of affection. Inappropriate but, come on, we should do crazy things for a friend...
I only know I need a nice word too. Does anyone have one? Thanks :)
 
I get the feeling whatever happened hurt him really bad. Maybe consider waiting more time. I think before you consider sending out the book wait until you can meet him in-person 1-1 (or if he has a date or spouse, include them too). Then, if he's willing to make the effort to meet you in-person after some time had passed, then I think at that in-person meeting after you talk and feel him out or after that would be worth a risk.
 
A nice word: When you do something so positive and creative, then it must be given to fully exist. The good kind of crazy, yes. That is what I believe anyway and, I agree with paloftoon. Maybe tell your friend; and say you wrote it yourself, but tell him you'd like him to read it someday soon. :)
 
I'd love to, but we are really too far for a meeting 1-1.
That's why I wrote everything down. The alternative is the silence.
He unblocked me... he didn't talk... i blocked him again. And now I know it was wrong, and for sure he's thinking "i lost her forever" (He's always acting like he want to lose people, but he really doesn't want it)... but I'm so confused myself.
When I've been diagnosed (6 months ago) I had this feeling I could be myself, finally.. and myself is thinking: "If only I have a friend ike me". The truth is i've spent 43 years in copying people, and all these social rules are fighting with this unbearable desire to do what I want, or I feel it's right.
Maybe the book is not the problem. :) Maybe the problem is this fight inside of me. Because I'm pretty sure this little book will help him... Not to live or something... it will show him that people can stay, regardless his "weirdness" (He calls it this way). (That I've always loved). i mean, I met a neuropsychiatrist because of him. I thought we were so similar. And we are!
It's weird, don't you think? We spend our lives liking posts where we see friends or partners doing amazing, crazy things,.. then, when it's our turn, we freeze! :D i confess I'm so tired of freezing and let fear block me.
Thank you for your kind reply Paloftoon.
 
Dear Kestrel,
he will know for sure I wrote it. It's a real book. I mean, I turned it into a professional one. On the cover (A picture of an object he gave to me) there's my name. :)
And there's a colophon inside. It's the small part at the very beginning where you find the author's name, year of printing etc...
About the time... It took me 2 months to write it... so I think we both had time to get over this unblock-nonsense. But the best part about a book is that he can leave it there and read it when he wants to.. or never... Who knows?
i don't think I'm going to hear from him anymore, honestly.
Thank you for your kind words! I appreciate you stopped by and told me your opinion.
Thank you
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom