Do NT'S naturally make eye contact?

[DesertRose]

My dad died many years ago. After researching everything I can find on ASD, I recognized several autistic traits in his side of the family, some relatives really stood out as definitely AS or Autistic.

My dad literally drilled into me to look people in the eye when I was very young. He was a strict disciplinarian and I did not dare cross him.
I keep thinking though I can't remember much from young childhood, if he did this because there was a problem, and possibly the only children I was really ever around was my own, and they also, along with nieces and nephew's had an issue, maybe that's why it was stressed.

My question is, would he have insisted on that because he learned to do it because likely he had AS, and learned that's what to do?

Is making eye contact a "natural" thing for NT's to do?

I look people in the eye when having a conversation, because my dad drilled it into me, but a stranger's eyes meeting, it's terribly uncomfortable for me, even fearful, or upsetting, i quickly look away, even if they say something, it makes me nervous. And, like my dad taught and stressed me, if they don't look me in the eye when we're talking, I think they are untruthful. Then again, I cannot tell when someone is lying to me, unless it's so far fetched and simple anyone would catch it. Not even with my own children. I'm easily manipulated in that way, sad to say.
"Look at me" is said more than anything all through my family. Really stressed upon.
Hope this is clear, I'm not very good with words. What are your thoughts?

 

[Nervous Rex]

Yes.

At least I think they do, because when I do manage to look at them, they're always looking at me.

 

[Progster]

Yes, I think it's instinctive for them to look someone in the eye, without instruction from parents - after all, babies usually make eye contact.

 

[Isadoorian]

Yes, it's always been the polite thing to do; "Look at the person you're speaking to"

 

[AO1501]

My wife was constantly looking for eye contact, and the people I work with seem to need it too, and they look very uncomfortable when they don't get it.

I suspect eye contact comes naturally to them. They certainly seem to do it to each other all the time, so I'd guess it's a natural part of how they communicate.

 

[VJCJ0628]

My father did the same for me, Although my wife has told me sometimes I stare too long specifically when I ask a question and waiting for a response.

For us its a learned action with NT I think its more instinct

 

[clg114]

It does not bother me to look someone in the eyes, I just do not do it unless I think about it. NTs think that you are not listening to them if you do not make eye contact. So when I am talking to my customers (or any important conversation), I make sure that I am making eye contact.

 

[Gritches]

It would seem so. I usually forget to make eye contact initially and just start doing it as soon as a dialogue starts.

 

[SusanLR]

It must be natural with them.
My Mom always got onto me about not doing it, saying it meant I was lying.
Several people we knew, now when I look back, were probably AS too, just no one knew it.
They were talked about not being "right" somehow or liars.
Maybe that is what people in the area of the country I grew up in think. Don't know if it is that way
other places.
No matter what I was told, I just can't do it comfortably and talk at the same time.
Sometimes if I am talking about one of my interests, I get excited and find I am staring
into the others eyes, too much stare.
Seems one way or the other.

 

[Progster]

Yes, it's always been the polite thing to do; "Look at the person you're speaking to"

I don't find it a problem to look at someone when I'm talking to them, and usually do because otherwise they assume you aren't listening, what is hard for me is looking specifically in their eyes. I've noticed that they are always looking for eye contact from me.

 

[Fitzo]

There is an expression to "look me in the eye and say that". The belief is that most people find it hard to lie when looking someone in the eye. I think that is true for most people. The exceptions would be pathological liars like psychopaths and narcissists.
That is why people feel discomfort if someone won't look them in the eye. I can do it most of the time, but start to find it difficult if I'm beginning to struggle with keeping up the conversation or the subject is not comfortable for me. Interestingly I've noticed my tone of voice starts to become more monotone when that happens also.

 

[Suzanne]

According to them, no. That is what I usually get said to me when I explain eye contact is difficult for me.

I discovered that those I feel ok around, I have no issue with eye contact and those who make me feel uncomfortable, I struggle to look them in the eyes.

I do see why eye contact is important and so, I am glad that I found out about aspergers, because it has helped me to improve in that area.

Some days are better than others though, for eye contact; but very much better than I used to be.

 

[Adora]

I think it’s more natural and comfortable for them,for me eye contact is a struggle and makes me feel uncomfortable and unnatural.

 

[SplendidSnail]

I don't know whether it's completely natural, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't cause them any discomfort, and that it's easy for them to form the habit of making eye contact even if it's not totally natural.

The amount of eye contact they make may vary a bit depending on what they're talking about, but when I them having an intense conversation, it's like they're staring each other in the eyes non stop, without looking away at all.

If I wanted to do that, I would have to focus on nothing but looking the person in the eye, and it would cause me serious discomfort. I definitely couldn't pay attention to what the other person is saying at the same time.

 

[Tom]

Yes. They need to lock on prior to burning your retinas out.