Do or Do Not...There is No Try

[Catlover614]

Considered wise words, but harsh to me. I'm stuck in a rut, can't seem to find my way in life. I have been stuck on my friend's couch for months now striving and striving to better myself so that I may be of value to someone or something. I'm not making progress and this scares me. What if TRYING is all i've got?

 

[tree]

Considered wise words, but harsh to me. I'm stuck in a rut, can't seem to find my way in life. I have been stuck on my friend's couch for months now striving and striving to better myself so that I may be of value to someone or something. I'm not making progress and this scares me. What if TRYING is all i've got?

What have you tried so far?

 

[Catlover614]

What have you tried so far?

Have tried reaching out to Easter Seals, Autism Speaks, Autism Support Network and I get nowhere. I have been doing brain exercises to try to improve cognitive skills. I have researching about Aspergers so I know what or what not to expect of myself. I don't have the necessary tools, resources available in my location, a small country town in Texas. I am losing hope in obtaining the life I want. I read my Bible to feed my spirit, yet here I still sit. I recently found a little peace when I discovered A Christian. It helps to know that I am not alone in my social deficiencies.

 

[tree]

Catlover614
What was your goal in approaching Easter Seals, Autism Speaks and Autism Support Network?

What tools or resources are lacking?

What is it that you want to achieve?

What do you do physically in an average day?

 

[Catlover614]

My ultimate goal is to be able to support myself fully. I don't enjoy being dependent on anyone. I thought those organizations would set me up with some free therapy and work through my difficulties. I see many members on this site talking so intelligently about their Aspergers and Autism and such and I feel so stupid because I can't explain my problems to "officials" because they usually have that look that says,"What's wrong with you". I have poor speech and I get tongue tied and extremely nervous around others. Physically, my back is constantly hurting and I get frequent migraines, I have scoliosis and so I clean my house, sit, then walk my dogs, sit, laundry, sit, walk dogs again, sit, go check my mail, sit, cook supper, sit, walk dogs a third time, sit, wash the dishes, sit, take shower, sit, then go to bed. Lol, that's a lot of sitting. I have tormenting voices in my head that are always in my neglectful and abusive mother's voice screaming at me...."YOU'RE SO STUPID!!!!" I don't know how to get my mind quiet.

 

[tree]

Catlover614

Do you have any sort of medicine for the migraines?

If that list punctuated by 'sit' is what you do in an average day....
that is a lot of "do."

How far do the dogs walk with you, in one session of walking?

How much of the noise in your head is the memory of other people's
voices compared with your own thoughts regarding what you wish you
had said or could say to those people?

 

[Catlover614]

Catlover614

Do you have any sort of medicine for the migraines?

If that list punctuated by 'sit' is what you do in an average day....
that is a lot of "do."

How far do the dogs walk with you, in one session of walking?

How much of the noise in your head is the memory of other people's
voices compared with your own thoughts regarding what you wish you
had said or could say to those people?

Yes, I have medication. I walk my dogs 3x a day, 15 minutes each. The voices are a combination of my flesh, my mother, old classmates...people who have made me feel so inferior. And my father's SILENCE IS LOUD.

 

[tree]

Catlover614

Are you saying that in your head the sounds are
primarily negative remarks you remember other people
making, the lack of support from your father? And
that you join in the chorus yourself, reinforcing the
negativity?

45 minutes of dog walking everyday...What sort of
dogs?

 

[Catlover614]

I have a 7 year old chocolate lab and a 1 year old shih tzu.
I don't always join in the chorus, but yes, sometimes I agree with those negative voices.

 

[tree]

Catlover614

So, much of the time you are playing tapes over
in your head of things that make you feel bad?

And you'd like to develop ways or to reduce/eliminate
the negative scenes/soundtrack?

 

[Catlover614]

Catlover614

So, much of the time you are playing tapes over
in your head of things that make you feel bad?

And you'd like to develop ways or to reduce/eliminate
the negative scenes/soundtrack?

I dont have any good tapes. I feel like I just woke up from a 40 year nightmare. I do eventually push those voices out, but they always return. I need a new tape, lol.

 

[tree]

Catlover614

You'd like to have some new tapes in your head.
It is a struggle pushing the negative stuff out & it
returns. That is tiring & frustrating.

If there were new tapes, they could take up the space
where the old crummy stuff keeps infiltrating.

You might find useful material in the old book
A Guide to Rational Living, by Albert Ellis. The gist
is that a person tells himself stories. They may as
well be true and useful. I recommend this book as
a way to develop new tapes.

 

[Catlover614]

Catlover614

You'd like to have some new tapes in your head.
It is a struggle pushing the negative stuff out & it
returns. That is tiring & frustrating.

If there were new tapes, they could take up the space
where the old crummy stuff keeps infiltrating.

You might find useful material in the old book
A Guide to Rational Living, by Albert Ellis. The gist
is that a person tells himself stories. They may as
well be true and useful. I recommend this book as
a way to develop new tapes.

Thank you kindly. I will give that a TRY.

 

[tree]

“Insisting that things
*ought* to go smoothly,
that mishap *must*
not occur, and that the
important people in our
lives *should* behave as
we have told them so many
times we *need* them to
behave... is fundamentally
irrational. Yet, as a species,
we naturally tend to think in
these distorted and self-
defeating ways."

Albert Ellis & Robert A. Harper

The book, A Guide to Rational Living,
is available as a PDF, I think. You might
skim a little of that...while you dig up a
tangible copy.

It is more fun & useful, to me to have a
book that I can keep & highlight, than to
try to read on-line. Or have to return to
the library.

 

[Catlover614]

“Insisting that things
*ought* to go smoothly,
that mishap *must*
not occur, and that the
important people in our
lives *should* behave as
we have told them so many
times we *need* them to
behave... is fundamentally
irrational. Yet, as a species,
we naturally tend to think in
these distorted and self-
defeating ways."

Albert Ellis & Robert A. Harper

The book, A Guide to Rational Living,
is available as a PDF, I think. You might
skim a little of that...while you dig up a
tangible copy.

It is more fun & useful, to me to have a
book that I can keep & highlight, than to
try to read on-line. Or have to return to
the library.

That's pretty awesome stuff.

 

[tree]

Catlover614

In one class we had a number of books we
were required to read. That is, there was a
number and there was a selection from which
to choose.

I picked up A Guide to Rational Living because
it sounded unlikely. Possibly pretentious and
absurd.

The photo of the author impressed me as
a picture of a 12 inch ruler wearing a bow tie.

As long as I had to read a certain number of books
for credit in the class, I picked that one. I thought
as long as I was having a reaction to it, maybe it
would be good for a laugh, because it certainly
wasn't going to be useful.

Really..."rational living."
wth was that?

I have two copies of this book now.
Highlighted and underlined.

It did turn out to be amusing, but not in the way I had
imagined. It wasn't pretentious or absurd. The ideas
were simple and made analyzing thoughts/behaviors
easier, for me.

 

[Catlover614]

Catlover614

In one class we had a number of books we
were required to read. That is, there was a
number and there was a selection from which
to choose.

I picked up A Guide to Rational Living because
it sounded unlikely. Possibly pretentious and
absurd.

The photo of the author impressed me as
a picture of a 12 inch ruler wearing a bow tie.

As long as I had to read a certain number of books
for credit in the class, I picked that one. I thought
as long as I was having a reaction to it, maybe it
would be good for a laugh, because it certainly
wasn't going to be useful.

Really..."rational living."
wth was that?

I have two copies of this book now.
Highlighted and underlined.

It did turn out to be amusing, but not in the way I had
imagined. It wasn't pretentious or absurd. The ideas
were simple and made analyzing thoughts/behaviors
easier, for me.

tree I'm glad for you that you found good tapes that you can think on and be positive. This is my biggest personal issue....not being able to turn negatives into positives. You're awesome!

 

[CeasarKungPow]

When my brain doesn't want to keep quiet and all the people and conversations and ridiculousness doesn't want to stop I imagine myself inside an empty space. Only one entrance(two if I'm a bit paranoid that day). I close the big entrance with heavy stones one at a time. I feel the pressure of the people trying to come in. With every stone I put on top of the door(I imagine something that you would find on a submarine) I need less effort. When the stones completely cover the entrance I feel more relaxed. Like no one can get in.
The second smaller entrance is optional. It allows me to bring one thought in at a time when I've calmed down.
It helps if I can't sleep.

 

[Catlover614]

@CeaserKungPow that requires way more imagination than what I've got, but thanks for your input

 

[watersprite]

Considered wise words, but harsh to me. I'm stuck in a rut, can't seem to find my way in life. I have been stuck on my friend's couch for months now striving and striving to better myself so that I may be of value to someone or something. I'm not making progress and this scares me. What if TRYING is all i've got?