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Do people you love keep screwing you over?

lovely_darlingprettybaby

lovely_darlingprettybaby

Well-Known Member
I am so over being the better one and the kinder one in relationships and bending to please others.
It happens so much.
I regret being made so kind-hearted.
I am starting to regret most kindhearted things I have dome in my life because people were not worth the effort.
So you know what do not wish yourself to be kindhearted as an autistic because good chance is people will use you and screw you over and take advantage of you and all the hours you wasted being kind to them.
I think it is much easier being self centered, pity despite being an autistic I could never be very self-centered in my life.
It is times like this or constantly lately that I regret being given such a big heart while most others were made self centered and narcissistic.
I am altruistic in my nature despite autism because I enjoy giving to others and helping others most of the time and it gives me a good feeling.
 
I think you might have been manipulated as a child to do this, I was taught religion heavily and turned into this monster, I kept getting complimented for actually listening, so I think that some people can't listen to rules and others can listen. You have to forget.
 
Do people I love keep screwing me over? NO.

However, I did go through this phase when I was a child with who I thought were friends. My typical response was to simply avoid these particular people.

You learn over time whom you can trust and rely upon, and those you sort of keep at a distance until they prove themselves to you. As you've found out, healthy relationships are a two-way street, you both should have a balance of give and take.

1. Do continue to be a kind-hearted, altruistic person
2. Do understand that the autism condition limits our abilities to understand all the subtle nuances and details of communication, limiting our social understanding, and can leave us vulnerable to people who can lie and deceive, and do not have good intent.

I am very much like you in this respect, kind-hearted and altruistic. However, I am also very much an "alpha"-type of personality in that I come across to people as calm, assertive, direct, and can be rather intimidating to people who do not know me. I generally do not come off as a "target" for others to take advantage of.
 
I think it’s all about boundaries.

If you are someone who values kindness toward others, it is important to protect that kindness. Kindness can be a powerful thing, but it does not come in infinite supplies, and when it is damaged, resentment and even hostility can take root in the cracks.

Kindness must be protected and fostered just like other precious things in the world. We can do this with boundaries. Yes, some of us are more vulnerable to being taken advantage of because of placing trust in the wrong people, and perhaps approaching life with naïveté. But, once we learn more about the world and we start to see that it is not always a kind and gentle place, creating boundaries can help protect the feelings of kindness that we have in our hearts.

The most important kindnesses should be kept for our own selves because really, humans are egocentric creatures, despite the social bonds that we form. We must look to our own selves for preservation and survival. If we want to preserve the kindness within us, we must turn it back on ourselves and not allow people to take advantage.
 
tripleU said:
I think you might have been manipulated as a child to do this, I was taught religion heavily and turned into this monster, I kept getting complimented for actually listening, so I think that some people can't listen to rules but others can listen. You have to forget.
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You are a hundred percent right so many religious rules are too rigid.
But no altruism is a thing where some people love to give to others and support their rights and I generally enjoy it.
As well as have a big genuine heart.
But I have to be careful of burnout
 
lovely_darlingprettybaby said:
You are a hundred percent right so many religious rules are too rigid.
But no altruism is a thing where some people love to give to others and support their rights and I generally enjoy it.
As well as have a big geniune heart.
But I have to be careful of burnout
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Like, you have a group of Altruistis, but no actual altruists
 
Neonatal RRT and Rodafina said it perfectly.

I learned that being a giving and kind person is how I make myself happy. I do it for myself, not for them. That revelation has killed my resentment when I give and they just take. I stopped giving more than I have to give. I keep walls up that protect me from getting hurt.

Example: If someone asks me to loan them money, I’ll ask myself if I can afford to GIVE them that money. If I can’t afford to give it away, then I can’t afford to loan it. If I choose to help them, I do so believing that it’s a gift instead of a loan.

Also, I ask myself if this person is having bad luck or if their selfish life-choices got them here. If it’s their own fault then I’ll offer a kind word, but no assistance. I have learned that my time and energy are like money in the bank, and I’m not letting myself go into debt for someone who doesn’t deserve my attention.
 
Sometimes I badly want to be social, but I'm bad at it, so I sometimes imagine that a person who was nice (in some way, maybe only because the person was being polite) is a "friend."

This means, generally, that I am more trusting of casual acquaintances than I really should be.

This often leads me to feel betrayed.

It is a thing that I know I do - so it is also a thing I watch out for. I wish everybody who smiled at a lonely person was truly worthy of trust, but it doesn't work that way IRL.

Don't make yourself a worse person in order to feel safe.

Do watch yourself to make sure you don't get hurt.
 
tripleU said:
Like, you have a group of Altruistis, but no actual altruists
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There is heated debate amongst psychologists whether true altruism exists. We do good for selfish purposes. Some less selfish than others, but they still make us feel good or give us something in return.
 
Outdated said:
I know how you feel but I never give in. I refuse to let those sorts of people change who I am, I change how I respond to those individuals but I never let it change who I am.

Don't let the bastards win. :)
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Thank you.
You are right stand up for what you believe in no matter how hard you are pulled down.
Shoot broken arrows in the darkness
 
TBRS1 said:
Sometimes I badly want to be social, but I'm bad at it, so I sometimes imagine that a person who was nice (in some way, maybe only because the person was being polite) is a "friend."

This means, generally, that I am more trusting of casual acquaintances than I really should be.

This often leads me to feel betrayed.

It is a thing that I know I do - so it is also a thing I watch out for. I wish everybody who smiled at a lonely person was truly worthy of trust, but it doesn't work that way IRL.

Don't make yourself a worse person in order to feel safe.

Do watch yourself to make sure you don't get hurt.
Click to expand...
Thanks, I expect people to always be nice to me and be close to perfect and get extremely let down often when they are not.
 
lovely_darlingprettybaby said:
No always in example Jesus Christ on the cross ultimate selfless sacrifice
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I'm having trouble comparing something that hasn't had proof to reality.

But let's say some father wants to protect their offspring and goes in danger with some kidnappers as long as they leave the children alone. There are factors such as duty towards humans which is a group he belongs to, propagating his children, avoiding consequences whether they are mental conscience or people judging him, feeling strong because he can take care of his children who are helpless, etc. Apparently there is a lot of such nuance that can play with such a decision even if the person is well intended and has somebody else's benefit in mind.
 
No, that has not happened to me in a long while. Previously when I tried to belong, users took advantage of me. I learned to identify such people and will have nothing to do with them.
 
I'm very protective of my heart. So I don't let a lot of people in. The only person in my life right now who hurts me is my brother, who is a homeless drug addict. We text. Much of what he says is vulgar, because of how his mind is right now. I love him very much, but to protect my daughter and me, I don't let him visit us.
 
People I love screw me over all the time so I’m not too surprised or angry when it happens anymore.
Just disappointed.
 
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