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Do you attract other NDs to you?

Suzette

Suzette

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I am with my husband at his family reunion. I have met some of his family before but not all. Anyway, one of the new to me people is my husbands "grand neice". She is the adopted daughter of my husbands neice (who happens to be his own age). She is 14.
Any way, she came into the room with her mom and I thought "Here is my type of people". Within just a minute of two she walked up to me and started a converstation. It turns out she was recently diagnosed adhd. Since I am 54, I am not usually the kind to draw the attention of teen girls.
But we got along well. It was fun making a new friend.

I was wondering if this happens to any of you too? Do you meet other ND people in random ways?
 
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Short answer is yes, I do seem to attract other ND people... but also some NT people, and also a lot of people with mental health issues (not meant in a bad way, I also have a lot of mental health problems). I think I'm just approachable because a lot of people have told me I come across as really "innocent" and non-threatening, and that I make people feel safe, and people feel like I really care and listen to them. I'm also extremely open-minded and willing to accept all types of people (as long as they're kind). I'm willing to listen to and respect differences of opinion. I rarely feel legitimate anger toward other people at all.
I'm extroverted and friendly, although sometimes meeting new people can be a little too much. I do still get overwhelmed and I do have shy moments. When I'm not in a great mood, I don't want much interaction at all.
The downside to all this is that I'm too bubbly and talkative for some people, and I can definitely drive people up the wall who tend to be more reserved or shy. Which does push away some ND people. But I try to be as welcoming and compassionate as I can to literally everyone, even people who may not like me that much.
 
Suzette said:
I am with my husband at his family reunion. I have met some of his family before but not all. Anyway, one of the new to me people is my husbands "grand neice". She is the adopted daughter of my husbands neice (who happens to be his own age). She is 14.
Any way, she came into the room with her mom and I thought "Here is my type of people". Within just a minute of two she walked up to me and started a converstation. It turns out she was recently diagnosed adhd. Since I am 54, I am not usually the kind to draw the attention of teen girls.
But we got along well. It was fun making a new friend.

I was wondering if this happens to any of you too? Do you meet other ND people in random ways?
Click to expand...

Yes, I have found that every friend I have had over the years is ND. Even friends I have had long before I knew I was ND. I think it is very natural.
 
I remember a residential week I used to go to, it was based on co-counselling, and we did developmental groupwork and so on. In an old manse in Scotland. People brought their families, it was a great week for the young people too, and there was a young man who would often come and speak with me during free time, think he would have been about 14 when I first went, and in retrospect, definitely neurodivergent.

I don't tend to initiate conversation at all in any unstructured social situations, unless it's very easy, such as a person is sitting next to me, but he was more extrovert and keen to connect, though unashamedly weird. And clearly very bright. Normally I go under the radar and unnoticed socially so it is notable if anyone does that.

Mostly I am not in social situations at all. But sometimes at othe residentials and on a couple of trainings I have been on yes, I unexpectedly have struck up temporary alliances with people who seem to be ND. I do tend to announce in introducing myself that I am gay, I found it best to get that said at such gatherings which are usually based on self development and awareness so people do tend to be open about such things, but also are mostly straight and I feel uncomfortable if I don't get that said. Invisible amongst assumptions of heterosexuality. You generally have to be in a minority to notice what people miss about it, I think.

Rarely I might say I am nonbinary, or on the spectrum, but with both of those, it can lead simply to confusion, more than saying one is gay, people often have some idea of that at least vaguely, whereas nonbinary or ND usually mystifies, and the latter can lead to assumptions of mental deficiency in my experience. One can't Come Out easily to people who have no idea what the identity means.
 
I was talking about this today. I feel like I attract a variety of people, in general, because I'm empathic, non-judgemental, kind, etc. I've definitely had a couple of people on the spectrum cling to me, even before I realized I might have on the spectrum myself. In some ways, I see this as a very positive thing, and in some ways I feel it's negative because I attract people who...to put it bluntly, aren't great friends. They like that I don't ask much of them and that I'm accepting of their flaws.

That said, as my roommate in law school said, "Real recognizes real." I think there's something about ND people that draws us to each other.
 
I think so, and that is because the one person I met once, I got on really well with, but that person had ( I think) no idea that he could be on the spectrum, but as I talked to him, I could not believe how relaxed I felt ( much older man and his lovely wife).

Actually, my husband visited them once and related to me that he is sure the brother ( spiritual) is on the spectrum, because he felt a sense of familarity ie that it was almost talking with his wife.

I do have a friend ( again, a spiritual sister), whom I get on very well with. She did take the aspie quiz, but said it came out as her being NT, however, we both agree that seems weird, because often we seem to be on the same page. But, perhaps she is just one heck of an empathetic person. She also has said to me that I make her laugh, because of the many times she detects that I am lost with the joke she is saying and how literal I can be. But, she is such a lovely person, never feel attacked by her.
 
Yes. Definitely feel at ease with others on the spectrum.
Those I've known, conversation comes natural with them and have things in common to talk about.
I think it's true like attracks like.
 
All the time . Same with severely broken souls as my self both online & reel life on both
 
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I defintely sense people on the spectrum. I was talking to a lady who had a health diagnosis of such. The surprising thing was? She was very commanding and controlling which l didn't like. So there are bad versions of us. Anyways, bipolars seem to be drawn towards me. No, l don't feel bipolar at all. At this point, l assume 30-40% of the US population struggle with something. So it's best to treat everyone nicely because you never know who and what and where.
 
Suzette said:
I was wondering if this happens to any of you too? Do you meet other ND people in random ways?
Click to expand...

Absolutely. In fact, it is on my "You might be autistic if...." list that I handed to my psychologist before I was diagnosed. Put me in a crowd of people,...we find each other,...I think it might be the abnormal eye contact thing. My theory is that there is a social phenomenon called "civil inattentiveness" and it has to do with how two people make eye contact as they approach each other. I learned about this in my neuroanatomy class that I took on-line this past year. What is supposed to happen is that we are not supposed to look at each other as we approach,...then, at the last moment, look up at each other, acknowledge each other, sometimes greet each other with a "Hello". Now, if you are an unknowing or untrained autistic,...like I was for decades,...two things are going to happen. You will look at the other person as you approach them,...if they are neurotypical, they will eye avert at the last moment,...because your eye contact is subconsciously threatening,...OR,...the other person will maintain eye contact,...a sign that you've met another unknowing or untrained autistic. Now, it didn't get into autistics that have been trained in civil inattentiveness or whether this phenomenon is also present in some neurodivergent individuals.

Not to confuse the matter, but if there are competing impulses, learned vs. instinctual behaviors, you can get some mixed results. Learned: "Look at people in the eye when you talk to them." Autistic instincts: Eye aversion when face-to-face. Learned: "Don't stare at people from a distance." Autistic instincts: A bit too much eye contact from a distance, to the point of putting off a "creepy" vibe. Neurotypicals will unconsciously or consciously sense this awkward conflict and sense something is "off",...whereas, a fellow autistic or neurodivergent might not.

The other part is that sometimes I might not read all the common microexpressions,...and I might not read people well,...for better or worse. Social naivety is awkward if I am,...but if a second person is,...we may find each other.

I've befriended many a person and gotten along great with individuals who others complain about for one reason or another,...usually ADHD-like, OCD-like, and other behavioral "quirks" that I simply overlook and pay no attention to.
 
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It doesn't happen often that I meet another neurodiverse person, but they tend to sense that something is different about me and this is mutual. I can sense in others when they are neurodiverse, but whether we are drawn towards each other or not really depends on personality, common interests and other factors, just as is the case for people in general.
 
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