Do you ever unintentionally stare at people?

[rollerskate]

Just curious. I've done this my entire life and unfortunately it freaks the victims of it out. Sometimes I will end up staring at someone intensely without moving or blinking and I don't even realize I'm doing it. More times than not my mind is a million miles away, sometimes there may actually be some detail on them that I find memorizing, may be a physical attribute, jewelry, etc. Anyhow, anyone else guilty of this? I just kind of always thought everyone does it for years, but looking back I realize if this were true I wouldn't freak so many people out including romantic partners with it, LOL.

 

[Vanilla]

Yes

Haha, definitely guilty of this one. Most of the time I don't mean to, it's just a natural reflex to look at someone in the room, and most of the time I'm not really looking; it's more like my brain is occupied in thoughts, so my eyes get bored, and decide to go for a wander.

It's not until my brain snaps out of it, that I realise that I'm staring, and the other person is staring right back. It probably gives off all sorts of false signals, which could be misinterpreted, but I don't mind so much what others think of me most of the time. Also, I've learned to avoid doing this so much anymore.

 

[King_Oni]

It's funny how this is a problem as well. Stare too much and people think it's weird... don't look at all and it's equally weird. What exactly is the balance of looking at someone.

I'm never that aware of my staring in that I don't see it as a problem. But perhaps the fact that people won't tell me it's annoying when I stare at them might contribute as well. The fact that I wear shades during the day might contribute as well... for what it's worth some people don't even know I'm staring.

 

[nowwhat]

Used to a lot as a kid. Looking at their face, clothing, posture, etc. Analyzing them. Noticing things about them. Not necessarily judgmentally, but you know how aspies are. Just being socially oblivious and innocently interested. Had to outgrow it quickly, cause the culture here, more than nearly anywhere else I know of, really frowns on staring, much more than it does on starting a fight with someone for staring. It's proverbial here to describe a conflict started because someone was perceived as staring. There is even a gamut of commonly used verbal responses to being stared at here.

 

[Jordan]

Yes, but I think that is more on the eye-gazing. I am either looking at someone's face when they are talking, trying to recognize their facial expressions. It's not necessarily a rude thing, but it can cause confrontations. I get a lot of people saying to me on a daily basis to stop staring at them.

I can't look at people in the eye, so I look at their nose or mouth instead, it also depends on what mood I am in and the social situation that I am in too.

Even when I look up at people and say nothing, they automatically say "Have you got anything to say?", when I haven't initiated a conversation. Other people say I have some kind of problem.

 

[tlc]

I don't do it as much now, but that's because I try to be conscious of what I'm doing in light of the AS. As a kid, it was a problem and got me in trouble more than once. As an adult, I almost got into several serious confrontations because of it. I'd merely explain that I'm nearsighted and was zoning out. That usually pacified the person I happened to be staring at.

You hit it right on the nose for me. Yes I am especially conscious of looking at anyone for more than a split second, especially someone attractive. So I always try to wander my eyes when I'm around people, unless they're fixed on an object or scenery where there are no people. If there are people in the direction I'm looking even if I am obviously looking at the bridge or whatever, I'll still stop looking so they don't mistake me for staring. Another reason I prefer to go up north during the quiet off-season. Yes it's got me in trouble in my younger years, even when I didn't think I was staring. And for being too quiet and just myself and maybe staring into space or at the lights even though I wasn't doing anything to anyone. Got kicked out of a teen dance. Got kicked out of a Y2K new years gathering. Perhaps it's a reason I have a hard time staying focused at someone in the eye when either of us is talking. I've been so conditioned to not stare at people.

 

[meff]

It's funny how this is a problem as well. Stare too much and people think it's weird... don't look at all and it's equally weird. What exactly is the balance of looking at someone.

I'm never that aware of my staring in that I don't see it as a problem. But perhaps the fact that people won't tell me it's annoying when I stare at them might contribute as well. The fact that I wear shades during the day might contribute as well... for what it's worth some people don't even know I'm staring.

Right? I get nervous a lot because I don't know how much to look at any given person. I've developed this thing where when I look at someone I do so in a sweeping motion or immediately look the opposite direction because I'd rather look away too soon than stare. But that's probably because I get freaked out by staring and don't want to inflict that on someone else.
And I've never been told about my staring either, even though I know I do it. I think I've noticed people looking back, though. Even when I'm talking or listening to someone I feel like I'm staring at them rather than looking at them.

 

[Andy R]

I do this. I try not to. Once I was absolutely fascinated by the pattern of a button on a dress someone was wearing. It was like a maze and I was trying to solve it by following the various paths with my eyes and brain. I was totally fixated on it. Unfortunately they thought I was staring at her breasts!

 

[S0093679]

Ah yes, very often.

 

[abby normal]

I can't help but [discreetly] notice nice bubble bootys.

 

[muddled]

I do this alot - either when my brain is busy and I simply don't notice, or during conversations and not sure who focus so I stare at one unfortunate person.

What really bugs me is that I sometimes can't stop looking at someone's legs or ass, even though I don't find them remotely attractive...

 

[Divrom]

I have to try very hard not to do this, all of the time.

It's exhausting!

 

[abby normal]

I do this alot - either when my brain is busy and I simply don't notice, or during conversations and not sure who focus so I stare at one unfortunate person.

What really bugs me is that I sometimes can't stop looking at someone's legs or ass, even though I don't find them remotely attractive...

if just their ass is attractive, that is all that is required to be drawn to look.

 

[muddled]

if just their ass is attractive, that is all that is required to be drawn to look.

They are the wrong gender for me

 

[abby normal]

They are the wrong gender for me

one never knows, maybe their variegated asses can give you all sorts of undreamt-of happinesses.

 

[wyverary]

Staring is a problem for me. My solution? Never look at anybody EVER. My eyes are forever on the floor...even when I'm at work and there are customers in the store.

(And let's try and keep this PG rated, guys. )

 

[nowwhat]

I can't help but [discreetly] notice nice bubble bootys.

Me too, among other female characteristics, but I don't think that counts as unintentional, which was the OP's question.

And yes, this thread is veering into the gutter, where my mind spends enough time, but most here don't want me sharing about it, and I know this.

 

[alliterati]

Yes. This was a real problem for me in school, I was already bullied all the time and then the other children thought I was staring when I was thinking about other things and looking in their general direction. I had no interest in them and told them so...which did not help.

I still notice myself looking in someone's general direction sometimes or being fascinated by a piece of their jewelry or something else that could be interpreted as staring, which is funny because I do not really enjoy looking at people themselves usually.

 

[muddled]

And yes, this thread is veering into the gutter, where my mind spends enough time, but most here don't want me sharing about it, and I know this.

Very sorry, that was also ironically unintentional! I just meant that sometimes I stare at other areas of someone else in an unintentional way, which also creates uncomfortable situations. I look at a person's eyes more perhaps because I find them interesting or analysing the person.

Maybe the staring is your way of analysing them? It might be our brain's way of making sense of people through observation, in a way we often have little direct control over. So it could be unintentional, but serve a purpose to an ASD?

As for what to do about it.... I wonder if it's one of the ways we try to understand people; and although it causes trouble sometimes, I worry that stopping it may make other people make less sense.

What do you think?

 

[XandirKai]

I do this quite often. I'm generally zoning out. Even if I zone out on an object my friends wonder where I even went. Most times I have no idea. I'll get weird stares back, once I notice I look away cause yeah, eye contact with strangers, not happening. Lol.