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Do you feel the same sometimes?

Aneka

Aneka

Well-Known Member
I wrote something intended as a praise, read it again, concluded it does actually sound cynical, then reasoned that I'm being paranoid and overthinking again!
Sometimes it's hard being me, pondering over little things. But I do step on people's toes without wanting to so that is probably where my fear comes from :\
On the other hand I know that I can not really influence how people feel about me, I can't read minds and people-pleasing is very bad for mental health.
 
Yes. Don't beat yourself up. Especially in writing, it's hard to convey tone. Sometimes more than in person, sometimes less. It takes practice. Use emojis :)
 
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Aneka said:
I can't read minds and people-pleasing is very bad for mental health.
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So true. Sometimes, we have to just be free to say what we want to say and not worry so much about how it will be taken. It is impossible to control how others will take something. We can only do our best to convey our message with a heart-felt authenticity. It helped me so much to learn how to say I'm sorry and make a repair, but that does not have to mean I internalize feelings of being an awful person.
 
At times I've written something that was taken so out of context by others that it took me a long while to decipher what part of what I'd said they had misinterpreted so much. And no, this isn't an ''Aspie lacking theory of mind'' thing, because when interacting with NTs offline I hardly ever get misinterpreted. But on autism sites things I say have often been misinterpreted.

For example, I remember on another autism site I was on, I was talking about my anxiety of being attacked or whatever if I walked alone late at night. This was taken as an insensitive, victim-blaming insult, and I was baffled at how such an innocuous statement could be so erratically read as an insult. With nobody explaining to me properly why or how they could have misinterpreted that so much and were just hurling hate and derogatory at me instead and making me look and feel bad, I became very distressed. Then a few days later it dawned on me that they had seen it as victim-blaming as if I was saying that people who are attacked or mugged are to blame for being out alone late at night. That was NOT what I was saying at all, and I still didn't quite get how what I had wrote could be misinterpreted in such a way. Usually whenever there's been a murder in the area where I live we are advised by the local police on the news to try and avoid walking alone late at night if we can help it, and it seems sensible advice, not victim-blaming at all, just useful tips on how to be safe.

I'm glad I got away from that site, because they seemed to misinterpret everything as an insult so you just felt like you were treading on eggshells all the time.
 
I’m deaf and have pissed off deaf people for not being culturally Deaf enough and have pissed off hearing people for being too Deaf. I have just accepted that I just have low theory of mind and can never “learn” past a point. I can only make a best faith effort and if that best faith effort is not good enough, it is what it is.
 
It can be a difficult thing to pause and be aware of your own cognitive biases and mood when communicating. It has bit me in behind more times than I could count. It's easy to be quick-witted with your responses and it's not necessarily what you say as it is how you say it that will create a poor or good response from the receiver.
 
Aneka said:
I wrote something intended as a praise, read it again, concluded it does actually sound cynical, then reasoned that I'm being paranoid and overthinking again!
Sometimes it's hard being me, pondering over little things. But I do step on people's toes without wanting to so that is probably where my fear comes from :\
On the other hand I know that I can not really influence how people feel about me, I can't read minds and people-pleasing is very bad for mental health.
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Absolutely can relate. And beyond. That's why it takes me three times as long to formulate five sentences than it does for a confident NT guy. I do seem to care too much, although it is very hard to admit that. So I can't tell any advice but you're not alone, same with me. Or similar, at least. (Well, there I go again... Overthinking.)
 
Strangely I seem to accidentally offend more people on autism sites than I do anywhere else with anyone else. I do know and understand what is offensive to a person and what isn't, but like in the example I posted earlier in this thread I can make an innocuous remark online and learn the very hard way that it was insensitive.
Maybe autistic people are more sensitive and easily offended by such complex things more than NTs? I'm no exception, as I get sensitive when people online openly attack me directly, but I don't get offended so much by remarks that aren't directed at me nor aren't written for the purpose of offending me.
 
Misty Avich said:
Strangely I seem to accidentally offend more people on autism sites than I do anywhere else with anyone else. I do know and understand what is offensive to a person and what isn't, but like in the example I posted earlier in this thread I can make an innocuous remark online and learn the very hard way that it was insensitive.
Maybe autistic people are more sensitive and easily offended by such complex things more than NTs? I'm no exception, as I get sensitive when people online openly attack me directly, but I don't get offended so much by remarks that aren't directed at me nor aren't written for the purpose of offending me.
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I do think NDs (not only in the autistic ND way) tend to be more sensitive than NTs as we are so used to be told that we are not living up to the norm, or not making an effort by NT's that some of us kind of just default to take anything that can be perceived in a negative way, as a negative thing.
 
I am new here but I've browsed this forum and I feel like this particular forum has a very low offense factor. I've already seen topics segue into religion and politics. But have seen other AS forums where people are far more... finicky.
 
jsilver256 said:
I am new here but I've browsed this forum and I feel like this particular forum has a very low offense factor. I've already seen topics segue into religion and politics. But have seen other AS forums where people are far more... finicky.
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Sorry, english is not my first language, when you write low offense factor does that mean we get easily offended or that we are hard to offend?
 
I meant this forum is hard to offend. But my wording was ambiguous, it is not your English skill. I will be more precise next time.
 
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