Do you have this issue... or maybe it's normal?

[epath13]

When you enjoy doing something (let's say some sort of a job or a hobby) and then stop doing it for a day or 2, for a few weeks or longer, do you still remember how much you enjoyed doing it?
I'll give you an example. This has been my problem since I can remember. Most of the time, if nobody pressures me, my emotional state is pretty bland, I'm not happy or unhappy, I just call it "nothing". I used to do a lot of "nothing" just by sitting and staring, or fidgeting, or running back and forward, or lying silently etc But then I was pushed into doing activities like exercising, playing, communicating with others, drawing (that I started doing obsessively later) etc and I began to enjoy those activities but only at the time when I was doing them. Later I would completely forget that I enjoyed doing all those things and didn't really want to return to them. It seems to become worse with age. Now if I don't have a routine with very specific tasks it seems to me that I've never enjoyed anything or will never enjoy anything. I seem to be feeling that there's a point in doing anything only when I have a routine or a schedule. So it's sort of like... I don't have emotional memory or something... I'm not sure how else to call it
And another thing, I tend to forget how to do things even if I have done it many times. It's true even for simple tasks. It's not that I completely forget, it's almost like my body remembers, but my mind is confused and can't put all the steps together. That's why in many cases I feel like I can't do something because I don't remember how I've done it before, but when I start doing it, everything happens automatically. And it's frustrating sometimes, because I do want all the steps to be registered in my mind somehow as well. But most of the time it's not easy to break through the fog.

I mean, I've already had to accept that if it hasn't changed so far it will probably never going to change and I just have to work around it. I'm just wondering if anybody else has it and how you deal with it.

 

[King_Oni]

I have this... partially.

Not neccesarily the emotional joy I got from something. I can still remember what things I did and what gave me a lot of pleasure... too bad that going back to those activities doesn't always mean that the pleasure you get from it always remains. Plenty of things I did in the past with great excitement are boring and dull to me now and it seems it's a constant struggle to find something new and exciting.

Forgetting something because I haven't done it in a while tends to happen with me quite a lot. It's one of the things why driving never went well with me. While I understand it mentally, every few days when I had an hour of driving lessons it was back to square one. I think for me to keep good at driving I'd have to do it 16 hours a day.. 7 days a week, minimum. And I guess I purposefully mention driving because there's a certain standard that is expected if you drive (and even more if you have an instructor). The same went for jobs. Temp jobs never work for me, because by the time I actually might have gotten proficient in something up to a standard where most people would be at in day 2, the period they can offer me a job is over. I've had jobs where it took me over a month to be somewhat useful, but I guess I was lucky a supervisor thought I could improve and be a better asset than the first month.

Hobbywise I'm not as concerned because I feel I can just do whatever I feel like. I tend to do a lot of hobbies that are quite intuitive and thus I don't have to bother with learning routine as much. I guess every leisure activity I do feels like taking a blob of painting and hurling it towards a canvas in hopes something good comes out of it... that often results in decent things, sometimes it's a miss, but I can live with that. I do have some notes here and there for certain hobbies just to avoid confusion, especially when it involves replicating something (for instance, writing down a color palette when painting).

The "emotional memory" part... I guess I have my own angle to this in that I always feel that I need to do something for a certain purpose. Just the notion of doing an activity for the sake of happiness (or even just for doing it)... it just doesn't register with me. I have no pleasure in recording music when I"m just recording for the sake of recording. However, if it's... like a gear of a bigger machine... something part of a bigger picture, I'm probably excited about the bigger picture and I tend to feel more positive and interested about it. Perhaps that's why I tend to think big in any project I want to do... it's probably also why any project I do has different disciplines that are involved.

I guess that's why I live in my own little bubble most of the time. All my activities are within handsreach... it's to stay connected with everything. I just know that even leaving my room will get me out of that bubble and affect my motivation and such significantly because I feel I'm losing a connection.. even if it's just a visual one of seeing my instruments. Clearly such a lifestyle works if you're on benefits and living in a single room at your parents house... if you're doing the entire family thing that might be a lot more tricky.

 

[Vanilla]

I understand this too. I've learned to realise that I don't want to initiate activities, but also enjoy them once I'm there, so I create schedules, and calendars, and to do lists, all to ensure I keep doing them. If I didn't organise myself in such a way, I'd probably get nothing done

 

[I am that which I am]

I also seem to have this lack of emotional memory but otherwise spotless film-like memory for anything else. I do not seem to remember that i might have enjoyed something and generally do not enjoy things. I do not dislike them either it is just plain. For example, I actually try, but I have a hard time enjoying food despite being able to taste it. I have been trying to pay closer attention to (or be more mindful of) what I am feeling when I do something I enjoy. This has helped me remember that I enjoyed something a bit better. But it is complicated by the fact that I enjoy few things.

 

[epath13]

I understand this too. I've learned to realise that I don't want to initiate activities, but also enjoy them once I'm there, so I create schedules, and calendars, and to do lists, all to ensure I keep doing them. If I didn't organise myself in such a way, I'd probably get nothing done

3 years later [emoji3] (decided to come back here again, installed the tap***something app)
Yes, I feel just like that, don't want to initiate but then may enjoy. My main challenge right now is to learn how to follow the schedule. I tend to over complicate everything. I put too many tasks on my list, set too many goals. Plus, again, when I have to relearn how to do something I have done before, I get confused, lost and frustrated...
... so now I also try to record things, make videos, write blog posts to avoid all this confusion. ..

 

[Vanilla]

3 years later [emoji3] (decided to come back here again, installed the tap***something app)
Yes, I feel just like that, don't want to initiate but then may enjoy. My main challenge right now is to learn how to follow the schedule. I tend to over complicate everything. I put too many tasks on my list, set too many goals. Plus, again, when I have to relearn how to do something I have done before, I get confused, lost and frustrated...
... so now I also try to record things, make videos, write blog posts to avoid all this confusion. ..

Organising can actually be quite relaxing for me. Also, keeping things simple, keeps life nice and simple

 

[Judge]

Organising can actually be quite relaxing for me. Also, keeping things simple, keeps life nice and simple

I said something close to that a long time ago.I try to live by this.

I remember that it made absolutely no sense to them. They thought I was nuts.

 

[Vanilla]

I said something close to that a long time ago.I try to live by this.

I remember that it made absolutely no sense to them. They thought I was nuts.

Who did you say that to?

 

[Judge]

Who did you say that to?

A so-called friend I used to work with. But then she had children and was used to a physically chaotic environment. Even my own cousin is somewhat intimidated by how orderly I keep my own immediate environment.

I just look at being organized on any level as a form of peace of mind. I have no idea why some are so opposed to the notion. Of course I've never advocated/exported the idea. Each to his own....

 

[Berianireth]

I understand this too. I've learned to realise that I don't want to initiate activities, but also enjoy them once I'm there, so I create schedules, and calendars, and to do lists, all to ensure I keep doing them. If I didn't organise myself in such a way, I'd probably get nothing done

I'm the same way! I used to ruin my activities before I would do them by getting too anxious and deciding to cancel them for something more attainable too, but I've made some progress.
I worry about falling into old habits even with planning because I've pretty much disappeared off the maps before. I could get away with that a few years ago, but probably not anymore.

 

[Rudy Schmidt]

I sort of do this with video games. If I get hooked on a game, I'll play it obsessively as much as I can for days and days. BUT - if I miss a day of playing, or if I play something else, I find it almost impossible to get motivated enough to go back to it, no matter how much fun I had before. I've left a lot of games half-finished for this reason. :/

 

[Vanilla]

A so-called friend I used to work with. But then she had children and was used to a physically chaotic environment. Even my own cousin is somewhat intimidated by how orderly I keep my own immediate environment.

I just look at being organized on any level as a form of peace of mind. I have no idea why some are so opposed to the notion. Of course I've never advocated/exported the idea. Each to his own....

Ah, my sister lives in a chaotically unorganised environment too. I can't understand how she does it myself.

I'm the same way! I used to ruin my activities before I would do them by getting too anxious and deciding to cancel them for something more attainable too, but I've made some progress.
I worry about falling into old habits even with planning because I've pretty much disappeared off the maps before. I could get away with that a few years ago, but probably not anymore.

I find it's important to understand yourself, and your own limits.

I sort of do this with video games. If I get hooked on a game, I'll play it obsessively as much as I can for days and days. BUT - if I miss a day of playing, or if I play something else, I find it almost impossible to get motivated enough to go back to it, no matter how much fun I had before. I've left a lot of games half-finished for this reason. :/

I do this sometimes, but have learned how to reduce the risk, but it's hard to help at times.

 

[Structrix]

When you enjoy doing something (let's say some sort of a job or a hobby) and then stop doing it for a day or 2, for a few weeks or longer, do you still remember how much you enjoyed doing it?
I'll give you an example. This has been my problem since I can remember. Most of the time, if nobody pressures me, my emotional state is pretty bland, I'm not happy or unhappy, I just call it "nothing". I used to do a lot of "nothing" just by sitting and staring, or fidgeting, or running back and forward, or lying silently etc But then I was pushed into doing activities like exercising, playing, communicating with others, drawing (that I started doing obsessively later) etc and I began to enjoy those activities but only at the time when I was doing them. Later I would completely forget that I enjoyed doing all those things and didn't really want to return to them. It seems to become worse with age. Now if I don't have a routine with very specific tasks it seems to me that I've never enjoyed anything or will never enjoy anything. I seem to be feeling that there's a point in doing anything only when I have a routine or a schedule. So it's sort of like... I don't have emotional memory or something... I'm not sure how else to call it
And another thing, I tend to forget how to do things even if I have done it many times. It's true even for simple tasks. It's not that I completely forget, it's almost like my body remembers, but my mind is confused and can't put all the steps together. That's why in many cases I feel like I can't do something because I don't remember how I've done it before, but when I start doing it, everything happens automatically. And it's frustrating sometimes, because I do want all the steps to be registered in my mind somehow as well. But most of the time it's not easy to break through the fog.

I mean, I've already had to accept that if it hasn't changed so far it will probably never going to change and I just have to work around it. I'm just wondering if anybody else has it and how you deal with it.

YES! Oh my goodness! This is me. I have told my therapist that sometimes I feel like the movie 50 first dates. I feel like I am re-learning how to do things over and over again and never mastering it but just starting out again from 0! Also, once I get off of a routine just like you said, I will "forget" that I was into something before the break and it's almost like I have amnesia about how I felt when I was pursuing that activity.