Do you know the "21 days" rule thingy?

[Neia]

Basically, the "21 days rule" says that it takes 21 days of someone doing something every day for it to become an ingrained habit.

For instance:
If you exercise every day for 21 days straight, it will become something you do almost without even thinking about it.
If you start having meals at the same time every day for 21 days, you'll start doing that without planning it.
If you think "Right! I'm going to start calling my dad every day from now on!" and you do it for 21 days, it becomes so ingrained in you, that it almost turns into a need.

The only thing is... I've tried this with many different things sooooo many times, and it seems to work for a while. But if, for some reason, I stop doing it even if for just a day or 2, all this "ingrained" stuff flies right out the nearest window, and it doesn't even need to be open!

I tried it with exercise, with taking walks, with practicing my painting, with playing my guitar, with keeping in regular contact with friends and family...
There have been times that I was able to keep at something for a year, or even more. But then I got sick, or had to take a break because of a dental procedure, or simply because I didn't "feel like doing it" for one day. ONE DAY and any progress on habit forming went flying by in an instant.

Are ASDers immune to the "21 days" rule, or is it just me?

It's very frustrating.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I find it easier to do these things when I want to. When I played guitar, I enjoyed picking it up every day. If I felt a regular need to tell myself to do it, I'd take that as a sign that I didn't really enjoy it.

Obviously, there are some things we have to do, but even those can come from want, if we look at the big picture and see what will be most helpful to us.

 

[Tired]

I never heard about 21 day thing, but it doesn't seem to work with me. I can do something for months, but if I don't like it, I'll still need to continue forcing myself into doing it day by day, I don't just magically start liking doing something, if I do it often.

 

[Outdated]

I was always willful and quick to act on whims, doing what I like whenever I feel like it. I don't think I could force myself to do something I didn't enjoy for 3 weeks straight. What I find enjoyment in has changed many times over the years too, things I loved doing years ago no longer hold much interest for me, when I pick up a hobby I get very involved in it and very focused but it rarely lasts more than a few years.

Cooking is a good example, I'm a reasonably good cook and for many years I really loved cooking but that changed a few years back. I've tried and tried to get myself back in to the habit again both for health and for the budget but it's just not fun any more.

 

[FilterFreq]

I find it easier to do these things when I want to. When I played guitar, I enjoyed picking it up every day. If I felt a regular need to tell myself to do it, I'd take that as a sign that I didn't really enjoy it.

I agree. Even if I have to trick myself into liking it, the real trick is to like it. Otherwise I won't do it at all

 

[Cutesie]

It's not just about doing things that we don't enjoy. Even if we like an activity, it can be hard to develop a habit of doing it, where we're doing it naturally rather than having to consciously choose to do it. The 21-day-rule makes sense. I never heard of it being 21 days. Judaism talks about something becoming ingrained after 90 times (even within a shorter time frame) and/or 30 days. Doing something does become easier for me over time. Like others mentioned, though, I can lose it with one miss. That doesn't mean that it didn't have a benefit while it lasted.

 

[Rodafina]

Are ASDers immune to the "21 days" rule, or is it just me?

I think the 21 days idea is more of a gimicky, popular way to think about basic concepts of patience and determination.

Change takes time and perseverance for it to endure and this applies to breaking old habits or forming new ones. But, I think our own process of making the change and what exactly we are trying to change will have a much greater impact on the effectiveness than a prescribed number of days will.

Sustained change also usually includes moderation. What you've described @Neia sounds a bit like a crash diet - you can do the thing for a time, but it is not sustainable.

 

[lunarious]

IMHO. You have two/three "Paths".

- The Soft Camp, like Guitar.
- The Hard camp, like Karate.
- Balance between Hard and Soft.

When you do Guitar in advanced stages, classical in my case, i need fingernails. But when I do Karate fingernails are very disadvantageous. edit: so i can't do Hard yet Soft simultaneously.

There are Hard Skills and there are Soft skills. Appearently different. They can't be mixed, because it may be counter productive. Although you can mix them, then that's balance.

In Karate you may be Strong which i see Hard, bacuse it requires strenous perseverance and 21 day rule. In Karate also you have Flexibility which is Soft, i imagine you may use Dynamic Streching for it and it requires repetition but i see it Soft Skill.

So females are Soft and flexible, moreso than men. Men are naturally Harder. You can learn to be more man or more female. I'm male Asperger's that is Hard, we call ourselves Viking, King and Samurai, in my case Royal Guard.

PS: I'm white belt

 

[lunarious]

I agree. Even if I have to trick myself into liking it, the real trick is to like it. Otherwise I won't do it at all

Not totally though. But i agree also.

 

[Cutesie]

Let's use the exercise example. A person knows that exercising is good, likes certain aspects of it, but finds getting motivated to be difficult. Using whatever techniques work, they manage to start doing it regularly. After some time, it becomes easier; it's no longer necessary to force or trick oneself into it. Then something happens and they miss a couple of days. The habit is gone, it appears.

A crucial question is: If the person convinces themselves to start exercising again, is it any easier than before the first go-around? Informally studying psychology tells me that it should be so. If it is, that would be a consolation for when I fall off the path of habit. I don't usually feel it, though.

 

[Outdated]

A crucial question is: If the person convinces themselves to start exercising again, is it any easier than before the first go-around?

In my experience - no.

 

[Captain Caveman]

I don't think it works for me either! I think it also comes down to the memory of doing things?
Some things to do with special interests become engrained in so stay, and I can leave them for a while and then just do them again.
But other things... Example was when I was in school, when on a parents evening in secondary school the maths teacher (Who also had taught my Dad and my younger brothers, one of whom there is an 18 year age gap!) said to my parents
"I don't understand it. I can teach him a subject and sit with him until he gets it, and have him repeat it and do it time and time again. But the next Maths lesson on a following day, its as if he has never been there in the lesson before, and I have to start all over again!"

 

[Judge]

21 days? Just a meaningless benchmark to me.

Intentional "habits" are something more likely to happen on a more individual basis at a different duration of time for me. With hard,fast rules applying at all.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I look upon rules like this, along with the idea that one must put in 10,000 hours of practice to gain expertise as being too oversimplified. So much depends upon motivation to embrace change and intangible things like the quality of practice.