Do you like altruism?

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I was just wondering?
Like do you like giving back to others?
I enjoy giving to the homeless and disadvantaged and fighting for human rights.
I like acts of kindness like this and it makes me happy knowing i put food in people's mouth or give the disadvantaged a gift.
I do not expect any reward in my heart I like to think about how they feel when they receive it and that is enough reward for me.
I like giving gifts too like on birthdays, easter etc it makes me feel good to see someone open a gift I gave them especially when they like it.
And I like encouraging others too and being kind rather than rude though I can get a bit frustrated with others sometimes.
Do other people feel the same?
If I give something, my reward is knowing someone else is grateful for it and I did something kind for someone else and it is nice to think one day they could thank me.
But I rest my head knowing I did the world better in helping the people I did and at least I am proud of myself.

 

[Rodafina]

I think it’s a positive, pro social behavior. Important for humans who do it and are the recipients of it.

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/articles/what-are-health-benefits-altruism

Spoiler

What are the health benefits of altruism?​

1. Helping others feels good​

There is some evidence to suggest that when you help others, it can promote physiological changes in the brain linked with happiness.1
Helping others can also improve our support networks and encourage us to be more active.4 This, in turn, can improve our self-esteem. 3

2. It creates a sense of belonging and reduces isolation​

Volunteering and helping others can also help us feel a sense of belonging, make new friends and connect with our community.3,4 Face-to-face activities such as volunteering at a food bank can help reduce loneliness and isolation.4

3. It helps keep things in perspective​

Many people don’t realise the impact that a different perspective can have on their outlook on life.
Helping others, especially those less fortunate than yourself, can help put things into perspective and make you feel more positive. There is some evidence that being aware of your own acts of kindness and the things you are grateful for can increase feelings of happiness, optimism, and satisfaction.5,6 Doing good may help you have a more positive outlook on your circumstances.

4. It helps make the world happier – it’s contagious!​

Acts of kindness have the potential to make the world a happier place. An act of kindness can improve feelings of confidence, being in control, happiness and optimism.6
It may also encourage others to repeat the good deed that they’ve experienced themselves – contributing to a more positive community.7

5. The more you do for others, the more you do for yourself​

The benefits of helping others can last long after the act itself, both for you and them.

 

[Storm Hess]

After being taken advantage of so many times, I've become more cynical and reserved with my giving and altruistic deeds. I helped one guy out with DVD production, just because he needed it, then he came back over and over again wanting me to write apps and web sites for him for free. I was friends with another guy in the same music scene and I told him my ideas for a stage props and clothing...that was stolen within a week. These are just 2 examples of how I've been screwed over by others...there's many more. From jobs to "friends", I've been gullible and not able to read people's intentions.

I love to help out when someone needs it...now, I am extremely careful with whom I work or chat with.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Altruism is one of those things that can make you feel good. It gives you those dopamine hits. Giving usually does. However, as you've found out, altruism is one of those things that, often, is not reciprocated. If that is something you are aware of and mentally prepared for, all is well. On the other hand, if you give and give and give, and you are sort of expecting, at least, some appreciation and thankfulness, and you don't receive it, well that can certainly put a sour taste in you mouth.

Some people actually live off of the altruistic behaviors of others, whether it be government hand-outs, or standing on a corner with a cardboard sign, "please help", asking for money. The difficult part is all the nuance, those grey areas, where one has to ask one's self, "At what point does "help" become "dependency or entitlement?" At what point does "help" become enough of a reward that they "settle in", and it eliminates the drive to get out of the situation they are in?

There was recently a story on my news feed just this past week about a drive-through, fast food, restaurant worker who got quite upset with someone who did not engage in the practice of "pay-it-forward", in other words, didn't pay for the meal of the person behind them in line. So, obviously, this was a situation where there were enough people doing this at this particular establishment, that it became such a common practice, that it was "expected". When this random person came to the window to pay, they were unaware of the practice, or didn't have the money, I am not sure, but it came as an "offense" when this person didn't want to participate in the practice.

I tend to be altruistic in other ways. I give my time to educate others. I donate to Goodwill Industries and/or Habitat for Humanity about 4 times a year, occasionally food to the local food bank. I will do snow removal for my neighbors. However, I won't hand money to a beggar. I did this once, a pathetic-looking, elderly man in a wheelchair came up to me in a parking lot. I handed him what I had in my wallet. Only to find him a few minutes later driving off in a vehicle that was twice as nice and expensive as mine, probably a $100,000 vehicle. Around here, we have professional beggars. They put on their sad little act on the street corner whilst they hide their expensive car in a parking lot nearby. So, the unfortunate thing is that now, I don't help anyone, even those truly in need, because I can't discriminate between the professionals and the people who aren't.

We have people in our society that are fully-capable of work, but intentionally choose not to. These people are parasites on our society, living off of the taxes of people who do work.

So, I have gained a bit of a bias when it comes to helping others.

 

[Outdated]

The giving of gifts is a very complex subject and a lot of people don't realise just how much responsibility goes with that.

Although gifts are given freely many people will feel obliged to reply in kind. It's a matter of personal pride, especially amongst poorer people, that they don't need charity. So the accepting of a gift is also the acceptance of a debt.

To refuse a similar gift in return will cause insult. To also give a gift that is too expensive for someone to repay in like kind will also cause insult.

I spent a decade living in a remote area and fixing people's computer problems for free for them, but I couldn't tell them it was free, that would be insulting. Instead my official rate was 2 beers an hour. Some people couldn't afford beer and paid me with fresh food instead. I ate well.

 

[Forest Cat]

Although gifts are given freely many people will feel obliged to reply in kind. It's a matter of personal pride, especially amongst poorer people, that they don't need charity. So the accepting of a gift is also the acceptance of a debt.

I have heard this before but it completely destroys the concept of gift giving. It's very sad when a gift makes people think of debt. It's supposed to be something positive, a fun surprise. I know it's just the way it is, but it's sad. I have insulted and put people in debt many times then. Darnit.

 

[Outdated]

I have insulted and put people in debt many times then. Darnit.

The giving of gifts can still bring joy to both parties, but make the gifts appropriate to someone's position in life. Something that would be within their own means to buy but they probably wouldn't waste the money on themselves.

 

[Outdated]

I saw an interesting question on another forum many years ago:

"If you give someone a gift and then get upset by what they do with it, was it really a gift?"

 

[tree]

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/altruismhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruismhttps://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/altruism/definitionhttps://plato.stanford.edu/entries/altruism/https://www.apa.org/pubs/highlights/peeps/issue-48

 

[Progster]

There was recently a story on my news feed just this past week about a drive-through, fast food, restaurant worker who got quite upset with someone who did not engage in the practice of "pay-it-forward", in other words, didn't pay for the meal of the person behind them in line.

So you are expected to pay not for your own meal, but that of the person behind you? And the person in front of you pays yours? I've never heard of such a system before.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I have been helped by so many in my life who accepted me that I enjoy contributing to my community. I'm my township's election chair, serve on the planning commission, and am a Big Brother to a 17 year old autistic boy among other things.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

So you are expected to pay not for your own meal, but that of the person behind you? And the person in front of you pays yours? I've never heard of such a system before.

Exactly.

 

[annO]

I'm a big fan of giving birthday gifts. People think I'm annoying because many people don't want to make a big deal out of birthdays. And then I show up with a truckload of presents and cake, singing happy birthday, ruining everything for them. I'll use any excuse for gift giving, birthdays, flag day, national polka day, I don't care what it is.

I know you have kind intentions but I would block your number and move away if you did that to me! Not celebrating birthdays is a boundary I've set with my friends and they say the "obligatory" words once and then move on with life.

 

[AprilR]

Yes i do. It makes me feel useful,and that i am a positive influence in someone's life.

 

[Forest Cat]

I know you have kind intentions but I would block your number and move away if you did that to me! Not celebrating birthdays is a boundary I've set with my friends and they say the "obligatory" words once and then move on with life.

People have tried to move away before, but I always find them sooner or later. No but seriously, I know it can be annoying so I try to be considerate.

 

[Tom]

Ants and other social insects are an interesting phenomenon as far as altruism goes as nearly all the individuals work for the queen and not their own reproduction. It seems survival of the species is greater then the need to procreate themselves in these cases. Though it is still somewhat familial in that the queen is their mother and the whole nest siblings.

I think altruism in people is actually a mixed bag with true altruism rare and conditionary altruism more common. In other words people often do it still wanting/expecting something in return, be it only praise.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I grapple with the terminology of altruism for some reason (partly because I think humans can never truly be selfless), but I agree with @Rodafina that this is all positive, pro-social behavior and the world always benefits from it.

Personally, I do it because it feels good, so I'm definitely not some kind of saint; I get just as much out of caring for those who I love (if not potentially more) than I could ever give out. It genuinely feels great when you can know with certainty that you have someone's back, and that they'd do the same for you if were ever needed.

But, on the darker side, @Storm Hess raises an extremely valid point that is often overlooked; some people (not all!) will bleed you dry once you help them with something to the point where you literally can't do nice things for them anymore. This literally just happened to me the other day, and I wish I could say it was an isolated incident. Oddly, those are the same people who actually respect you more when you start putting up boundaries (like "hey, pay me for my time then, since you're such a jerk"), and unfortunately they need this dopamine-throttling reward system because nobody ever taught them good morals or something.

There's still the lingering question: "You'd do that for me, too, right?". If the answer is yes, then there's no problem. When the answer is anything else, it gets a bit murky.

 

[Outdated]

But, on the darker side, @Storm Hess raises an extremely valid point that is often overlooked; some people (not all!) will bleed you dry once you help them with something to the point where you literally can't do nice things for them anymore.

I ended up getting burnt out by an alcoholic neighbour this way a couple of years back. When covid first hit and we were all locked down I felt sorry for him and started helping him out a bit.

He instantly latched on to me as if I was a perfect parasitic host, always wanting money, smokes, me to go to the shop for him, me to make phone calls for him, me to look up stuff on the net for him.

When I had finally had enough of his bleeding me and told him I didn't want to know him any more it took another 12 months before he finally stopped knocking on my door twice a day. I even told him that he was such a parasite that I was worried he was going to try and sit on my lap and start sucking on a tit.

Even when I told him to never knock on my door again, not even if the building is on fire, and threatened to get extremely violent he still kept coming back and trying it on all the time. "Mate, I'm really broke. Can you just lend me $10."

Even just a few weeks back he knocked on my door asking how to cook pasta. I told him to read the directions on the packet and shut the door in his face. But I know he'll be back again.

 

[Shevek]

The joy of altruism may be blunted by our mirror neuron disorder. However, when I first learned the Golden Rule, it kept me out of so much mysterious trouble that I've mostly lived by it ever since. Even toddlers and chimpanzees will spontaneously help an experimenter who drops something that they can't reach, but the subject can.
I give more birthday cards than I get, but the gifts can happen any time, and they go in both directions, according to opportunity and inspiration. Thanks are often just assumed. My vocation was interesting to me, but it was also a gift to humanity that got wasted, so far.
In a new community, I will just do favours for the new people I meet, and then see who is helpful in return, and who becomes a pest.

 

[Vindiesel]

It ones circumstance being altruistic of family members which can be a slippery slope with detrimental boundaries its another for a total stranger.

I will hold a door for a stranger and I try to do one good deed a month in letting someone out in traffic either or doesnt make me feel any differently nor an incentive to do so.

I would rather be selfish....makes life easier and linear that way. More circumstances you put yourself in to a degree allows unforeseen outcomes especially with strangers.