Do you struggle with certain autistic traits?

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Like not being able to understand something you cannot see come to life? Like wondering what will happen in certain situations and how they are good?
I struggle when I do not understand what is going on in my life or what will happen in the future?
I need things black and white.
When I am having a problem or a dilemma I need gentleness and compassion sometimes it helps having someone to talk to but I need to validate it at least and say it is ok to feel like that.
I cannot deny my feelings as an autistic.
I have had huge triggers with my cptsd too where I feel like I should be able to validate them and it is ok if I do not fit with neurotypicals and want my own individuality.
I like being my own person without having the outside influence of others. And why should I be any less than myself I cannot be as an autistic. I am happy when I march to the beat of my own drum.
I have had such struggles with everything in my life being confusing and then feeling blamed when I do not get it when all I can get it what is in front of me.
I cannot help I feel curious and want to know at times, it is hard not knowing when you have been through a lot.

 

[Progster]

When I'm alone, nothing. When I'm around people, then lots.
I have sensory issues, social issues and executive function issues. I can mask, but only for short periods. I stand out as being different, I think. If I tell someone about my diagnosis, they don't question it because they can see I'm different, but didn't know why. I have a lot of coping mechanisms to cope with work and life in general.

 

[trustinnerwisdom]

I struggled a lot as younger.
Nowadays I am still figuring out what is what and what is doing what. And what is possible to change and what is my personality.
I call it challenges, because I don’t struggle any longer. I embrace and love myself nowadays.
Once upon a time I masked/hide myself away and mostly copied the people around me. Up until one day, a person who saw me as I truly was and after that everything changed forever. I am truly grateful. But honestly, I presume it has with that that person also belongs here.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I struggled a lot as younger.
Nowadays I am still figuring out what is what and what is doing what. And what is possible to change and what is my personality.
I call it challenges, because I don’t struggle any longer. I embrace and love myself nowadays.
Once upon a time I masked/hide myself away and mostly copied the people around me. Up until one day, a person who saw me as I truly was and after that everything changed forever. I am truly grateful. But honestly, I presume it has with that that person also belongs here.

I am so glad you say that. I believe that too that you unashamedly be yourself and that you should work to love yourself.
I love my individuality and self expression.
It is something I struggle with because I have childhood trauma and struggle to find belonging.

 

[Shamar]

Like not being able to understand something you cannot see come to life? Like wondering what will happen in certain situations and how they are good?
I struggle when I do not understand what is going on in my life or what will happen in the future?
I need things black and white.
When I am having a problem or a dilemma I need gentleness and compassion sometimes it helps having someone to talk to but I need to validate it at least and say it is ok to feel like that.
I cannot deny my feelings as an autistic.
I have had huge triggers with my cptsd too where I feel like I should be able to validate them and it is ok if I do not fit with neurotypicals and want my own individuality.
I like being my own person without having the outside influence of others. And why should I be any less than myself I cannot be as an autistic. I am happy when I march to the beat of my own drum.
I have had such struggles with everything in my life being confusing and then feeling blamed when I do not get it when all I can get it what is in front of me.
I cannot help I feel curious and want to know at times, it is hard not knowing when you have been through a lot.

I have never struggled with autistic traits. For example, I have never had to struggle with being unable to socialize. I have never had to struggle to misunderstand what I am being told. I have never had to struggle to become an outcast. I have never had to struggle to avoid meeting other people. I have never had to struggle with these and many more autistic traits, they all came quite naturally and without effort. On the other hand, trying to fit in to a neurotypical world, now THAT was a struggle.

 

[trustinnerwisdom]

I am so glad you say that. I believe that too that you unashamedly be yourself and that you should work to love yourself.
I love my individuality and self expression.
It is something I struggle with because I have childhood trauma and struggle to find belonging.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I believe that most of the non-NT carry child hood trauma(s) in one way or another.
What does belonging mean to you ? How would it feel or how does it feel to belong?
In which moments/situations do you feel it (or can imagine feeling it)?
Is there more moments you could choose to feel that you belong a little bit more?
What is the main hindrance to choose to belong ?

 

[Luca]

I love being my authentic self. I don’t like masking and I’m losing my patience for it.

Unfortunately sometimes I have to mask to survive in the real world. But the easiest way to break the mask is by bringing up my special interests. I have never been able to figure out how to discuss them the way a “normal” person would, so in new social situations I usually avoid talking about them altogether, unless I’m in a space with like-minded people.

I don’t really struggle with socializing or making connections like some other autistic people do, but I struggle with maintaining lasting friendships and I struggle with fitting into friend groups, often ending up at the very bottom of the social hierarchy, and becoming the verbal “punching bag.” Jokes sure are funny until you become the butt of all of them.

I’m capable of small talk, but I don’t enjoy it at all and would much rather be having in-depth or stimulating discussions. Which is very off-putting for some, and often gets me labeled as “intense.”

My personality as a whole is very difficult to tone down, which is also off-putting. It’s hard for me to think things without saying them, it’s hard for me to keep opinions to myself, it’s hard for me to put up with things I don’t find acceptable, it’s hard for me to stay on topic and not go on tangents about things I’m interested in, and it’s hard for me to act like I like being around people who I don’t enjoy the company of (usually because they’re mean, pretentious, shallow, or two-faced.)

I’m a motormouth, I’m opinionated, I have very poor volume control, I enjoy being in environments that are loud and stimulating, I’m hyperactive and I hate sitting still, and I act like I’m half my age at best. So I’m not a good match for most people.
I do have some good traits too, I’m a fiercely loyal friend, I’m very empathetic and kind, I’m extremely passionate about everything I do, I’m very ambitious and goal-oriented and hardworking (but at the same time I don’t let myself take life too seriously,) I have a strong sense of justice, I love animals and I deeply bond with them, I love helping people and cheering them up, I have a sense of humor, and more than anything I LOVE to have a good time with those I love, and spread joy and kindness to the world.
(Don’t worry, there is a point to this tangent.)

The difference is that people who understand me notice and celebrate the good traits, while acknowledging the not-so-great ones, and people who think I’m weird and awkward and unhinged only see the bad ones. I wish I could find a balance where I could tone down the parts of me that people find to be too much, or offensive, while still keeping the parts that make me authentically “me.”

But I think this is a struggle that most, if not all autistic people deal with for most of our lives. Finding the balance between what the world finds acceptable, and what we wish others would accept about us.
But I can’t change myself for everyone, and I can’t change everyone else for myself either. So for now the only thing that works is that some people get the whole package, and some people get very little of me. But I’m sometimes not the best judge of who I can be fully myself with, and it keeps setting me up to get hurt, which sometimes makes me feel like I should just be masking all the time. My trauma issues from being hurt by bullies, ex-friends, and family members runs very deep. It’s worse when you’re hurt by people who you truly trusted and thought loved you.

Does this all make sense? I’m not sure I phrased it properly. I tried.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I believe that most of the non-NT carry child hood trauma(s) in one way or another.
What does belonging mean to you ? How would it feel or how does it feel to belong?
In which moments/situations do you feel it (or can imagine feeling it)?
Is there more moments you could choose to feel that you belong a little bit more?
What is the main hindrance to choose to belong ?

I want to feel like there is a family out there who can love and support me that is very painful for me
Because I walk around empty wondering if there is anyone out there who loves and understands me and gets me the way I need.
I often just want to seek out boyfriends for a bit of intimacy and attention and also to feel beautiful and seen in a way.
It is hard because I have an illness and I cannot just seek out boys
To have attention with and cuddles and d and ms.
But it just feels really empty.
And I do not often know how to fill the gap.
So I walk around empty, lonely and broken and I do not know what to do with myself.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I love being my authentic self. I don’t like masking and I’m losing my patience for it.

Unfortunately sometimes I have to mask to survive in the real world. But the easiest way to break the mask is by bringing up my special interests. I have never been able to figure out how to discuss them the way a “normal” person would, so in new social situations I usually avoid talking about them altogether, unless I’m in a space with like-minded people.

I don’t really struggle with socializing or making connections like some other autistic people do, but I struggle with maintaining lasting friendships and I struggle with fitting into friend groups, often ending up at the very bottom of the social hierarchy, and becoming the verbal “punching bag.” Jokes sure are funny until you become the butt of all of them.

I’m capable of small talk, but I don’t enjoy it at all and would much rather be having in-depth or stimulating discussions. Which is very off-putting for some, and often gets me labeled as “intense.”

My personality as a whole is very difficult to tone down, which is also off-putting. It’s hard for me to think things without saying them, it’s hard for me to keep opinions to myself, it’s hard for me to put up with things I don’t find acceptable, it’s hard for me to stay on topic and not go on tangents about things I’m interested in, and it’s hard for me to act like I like being around people who I don’t enjoy the company of (usually because they’re mean, pretentious, shallow, or two-faced.)

I’m a motormouth, I’m opinionated, I have very poor volume control, I enjoy being in environments that are loud and stimulating, I’m hyperactive and I hate sitting still, and I act like I’m half my age at best. So I’m not a good match for most people.
I do have some good traits too, I’m a fiercely loyal friend, I’m very empathetic and kind, I’m extremely passionate about everything I do, I’m very ambitious and goal-oriented and hardworking (but at the same time I don’t let myself take life too seriously,) I have a strong sense of justice, I love animals and I deeply bond with them, I love helping people and cheering them up, I have a sense of humor, and more than anything I LOVE to have a good time with those I love, and spread joy and kindness to the world.
(Don’t worry, there is a point to this tangent.)

The difference is that people who understand me notice and celebrate the good traits, while acknowledging the not-so-great ones, and people who think I’m weird and awkward and unhinged only see the bad ones. I wish I could find a balance where I could tone down the parts of me that people find to be too much, or offensive, while still keeping the parts that make me authentically “me.”

But I think this is a struggle that most, if not all autistic people deal with for most of our lives. Finding the balance between what the world finds acceptable, and what we wish others would accept about us.
But I can’t change myself for everyone, and I can’t change everyone else for myself either. So for now the only thing that works is that some people get the whole package, and some people get very little of me. But I’m sometimes not the best judge of who I can be fully myself with, and it keeps setting me up to get hurt, which sometimes makes me feel like I should just be masking all the time. My trauma issues from being hurt by bullies, ex-friends, and family members runs very deep. It’s worse when you’re hurt by people who you truly trusted and thought loved you.

Does this all make sense? I’m not sure I phrased it properly. I tried.

It does make sense.
How old are you? I only found out I was autistic last year self diagnosed. I think you should be yourself because that is all you can be and if people are offended by you, who cares.
I know the feeling in the sense it is difficult for people to understand all parts of me without feeling like I'm offending them and they are taking me wrong. I myself am similar in some ways very hyperactive around others because I also have ADHD.
And when I have energy I can talk way to much about myself too but then it gets often uncomfortable where people might think of you as egocentric. And also I hate sharing my interests too because there are some things that are 'my things' that I do not think neurotypicals will get and do not want them copied or for others to know and it is hard having intelligent conversation with neurotypicals because they can feel inadequate and often their mind and opinions are boring to me and then to be nice you have to pretend they are not. And I am not a mean person either but very nice and there are many people I like but are unable to have a relationship with them without masking. Social pressure can feel huge.
To fit here, be this.
And sometimes you have to mask a bit to get by.
I like my individuality and I do not like fitting or being like minded to others but then it is lonely too particularly with childhood trauma
It is hard and a lonely process to get to your authentic self. Sometimes I think it takes time and wisdom.

 

[Dadamen]

Most of the time no.
Sometimes yes.
My worst problem is slow processing. People cant belive how I can be so intelligent, but so confused.
Also lack of interest is some common things such as film and music sometimes makes me unable to enter the conversation or pulls me out of conversation I was in.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

Most of the time no.
Sometimes yes.
My worst problem is slow processing. People cant belive how I can be so intelligent, but so confused.
Also lack of interest is some common things such as film and music sometimes makes me unable to enter the conversation or pulls me out of conversation I was in.

I struggle most with my stammer, and I hate it when I do when I'm talking to customers. Dang it, why can't I just tell them smoothly and accurately whatever I'm going to tell them?? My tongue does gymnastics and I hate it.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Like not being able to understand something you cannot see come to life? Like wondering what will happen in certain situations and how they are good?
I struggle when I do not understand what is going on in my life or what will happen in the future?
I need things black and white.
When I am having a problem or a dilemma I need gentleness and compassion sometimes it helps having someone to talk to but I need to validate it at least and say it is ok to feel like that.
I cannot deny my feelings as an autistic.
I have had huge triggers with my cptsd too where I feel like I should be able to validate them and it is ok if I do not fit with neurotypicals and want my own individuality.
I like being my own person without having the outside influence of others. And why should I be any less than myself I cannot be as an autistic. I am happy when I march to the beat of my own drum.
I have had such struggles with everything in my life being confusing and then feeling blamed when I do not get it when all I can get it what is in front of me.
I cannot help I feel curious and want to know at times, it is hard not knowing when you have been through a lot.

1. There are things in life you have some control over (your actions, plans, goals, etc.) and there are other things you don't have control over (weather, economics, politics, other people, etc.). When things out of your control effect the things you are trying to control, you have to understand that there is often more than one path towards obtaining your goals in life. Sometimes problems are actually opportunities to take advantage of. It's all about your ability to have an open mind and a positive attitude when the world is on fire around you. It takes some mental discipline to control your emotions and just keep moving forward with positive action in mind.
2. Things are rarely black and white. Perspective and context are critical to understanding that there is an infinite number of situations and there is quite a bit of nuance that needs to be considered. Before making judgements or reacting emotionally, consider perspective and context. For example, I might not personally agree with people on the far right or far left of the political spectrums, but it is important for me to understand where they are coming from and understand why they might think the way they do.
3. You don't need "validation". It's a wasted emotional exercise. What you are asking people to do is try to "walk in your shoes" in order to gain some sort of attention. You're asking someone else to understand your context and perspective. Do you want people to feel sorry for you? Why? Other people don't want to be dragged down into your world of depression and self pity. The last thing a pool/beach lifeguard wants to do is be pulled under water by the person he/she is trying to save. Good luck with that. I think you're going to be greatly disappointed in many people.
4. Yes, DO march to the beat of your own drum. As autistics, we are not part of that "club" that allows us to follow the paths of our peers. Never see yourself as a "failed neurotypical", but as something totally different, with a different purpose and path. The sooner you embrace who you are, the better off you'll be, and the better you will cope with the ignorant comments from nay-sayers who want to drag you down for not being "normal". Just wave good-bye like you are on a parade float and keep moving on.
5. Do have a curiosity for life and the world around you. Never stop learning. However, you do have to step back and realize that all that emotional baggage can really drag you down in life. Yes, things happen in our lives, good and bad, sometimes really bad, but instead of using it as an excuse for slowing you down, flip it around and use it as motivational fuel for moving forward with the attitude of "never again".

 

[Wolfnox]

All the time and I’m tired of it. I can’t even tell where autism begins and I end.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

When people don't know, it can cause a bit of confusion, went for dinner with another couple. He kept asking if I was OK during in some breaks in conversation. did not realize this was me naturally going quiet rather than being an extravert confusing to him.

 

[kenaij]

My struggles come mostly when looking towards my behaviour with my family.
On sundays when my wife is working I often just want to retreat to charge up for the work week. But I have two kids running around (5 and 8) My oldest is very much on her own a lot of the time. But my youngest seeks my attention a lot. This often overwhelms me because I really want to go into my own bubble and recharge. I often feel that if I was not autistic I could balance my own time and my time with my kids better.
Also when my wife tells me about plans she has for us to go and do as a family I often times do not react enthoustiastically which I know bothers her. I try to, but because of all the processing in my head about what the day will bring it is very hard to do so.
Also, on our days out to zoo's, themeparks etc. All the other people overload me and so I get very closed off. I often try to ignore it and be a fun dad. But sooner or later during the day I can no longer do that. I really dislike that it can seem to them that I do not enjoy doing things with them. While I really do. It is all the other people who are there that make it hard.
Outside of my wife and kids I really don`t care how I come across to other people, eventhou I try to blend in. I have only recently started sharing my struggles at work and be more myself there. But during the above examples are the only times I wish my brain worked differently. Because I feel it would make me a better father and husband if I was NT.

 

[Kisa the tea]

Yes, mostly social. It pairs with my anxiety disorder in the worst way. I don't do well in crowds, can get over stimmulus, and am not great at talking in person. Text is so much easier.

 

[Ken]

Like not being able to understand something you cannot see come to life? Like wondering what will happen in certain situations and how they are good?
I struggle when I do not understand what is going on in my life or what will happen in the future?
I need things black and white.
When I am having a problem or a dilemma I need gentleness and compassion sometimes it helps having someone to talk to but I need to validate it at least and say it is ok to feel like that.
I cannot deny my feelings as an autistic.
I have had huge triggers with my cptsd too where I feel like I should be able to validate them and it is ok if I do not fit with neurotypicals and want my own individuality.
I like being my own person without having the outside influence of others. And why should I be any less than myself I cannot be as an autistic. I am happy when I march to the beat of my own drum.
I have had such struggles with everything in my life being confusing and then feeling blamed when I do not get it when all I can get it what is in front of me.
I cannot help I feel curious and want to know at times, it is hard not knowing when you have been through a lot.

Yep, all of that.

I just finished reading a book that, at least for me, answers all of that. It is titled, "An Immense World" by Ed Yong. The book is all about Umwelt, which is how any particular organism perceives their environment. As an autistic, I perceive the world quite differently from almost everyone around me. That's my autism. It also makes me "blind" to their perceptions. I can't understand their thoughts and perceptions and vice versa. They can't understand me.

The book helped me to understand that how anything is perceived is dictated by the organism's senses and neural circuitry. I now understand that as an autistic, my neural circuits are different. The book also explains that neither perception is wrong. Neither person or organism perceives the world exactly the same, but both are correct. That just means that no organism (or person) perceives everything in their world. In fact they are blind to more than they see, they just don't know it. The world is indeed Immense.

I have read that autism occurs naturally. It is not something that went wrong. It allows a percentage of the population to sense things the majority does not. It helps the species as a whole. Some examples; Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Nikola Tesla, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Steven Spielberg, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, and many, many more. Yea, they all suffer like that to. So, suffering autism actually puts you in some good company.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

All the time and I’m tired of it. I can’t even tell where autism begins and I end.

Yes it does get frustrating also having to explain yourself all the time

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't really stand out as different, I'm just a little quirky but meek and friendly and maybe timid/anxious at times.

Being PPD-NOS I don't struggle with much autism but the thing that affects me the most is the sound sensitivity. I'm very easily distracted by certain sounds and it can make life hard sometimes when you can't ignore or tolerate certain sounds, especially sounds that humans are conditioned to tolerate like babies crying. I have misophonia and sometimes babies crying can make me want to flee. The world doesn't understand misophonia or sensory issues with sound, and it's not built for people like me. It's built for people who can put up with certain noise and not get easily startled by almost every sound.
It makes life suck so hard.

 

[Dadamen]

Yep, all of that.

I just finished reading a book that, at least for me, answers all of that. It is titled, "An Immense World" by Ed Yong. The book is all about Umwelt, which is how any particular organism perceives their environment. As an autistic, I perceive the world quite differently from almost everyone around me. That's my autism. It also makes me "blind" to their perceptions. I can't understand their thoughts and perceptions and vice versa. They can't understand me.

The book helped me to understand that how anything is perceived is dictated by the organism's senses and neural circuitry. I now understand that as an autistic, my neural circuits are different. The book also explains that neither perception is wrong. Neither person or organism perceives the world exactly the same, but both are correct. That just means that no organism (or person) perceives everything in their world. In fact they are blind to more than they see, they just don't know it. The world is indeed Immense.

I have read that autism occurs naturally. It is not something that went wrong. It allows a percentage of the population to sense things the majority does not. It helps the species as a whole. Some examples; Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Nikola Tesla, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Steven Spielberg, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, and many, many more. Yea, they all suffer like that to. So, suffering autism actually puts you in some good company.

Darwin is my idol. I really like genetics and evolution too. Being in 2nd place at national biology competition in senior high school year was a situation when Autism worked for me, rather than against.