Do you wish people would listen to you?

[peoplesrjames]

I have a very close friend that I believe is making a HUGE mistake as far as his relationship goes. The issue is pretty cut and dry to me, he needs to let it go. But when I try to reason with him on it, he reminds me that I'man ASPIE that has never been in a long term romantic relationship.

It's very frustrating that I could have the best advice in the world, but people dismiss it because I'm an Aspie.

 

[King_Oni]

I suppose there's some validity to his argument. Giving advice of somethign you have little experience in seems a bit off for most people.

But flat out ignoring it seems a bit harsh IMO.

There are many situations I've never been in exactly, yet I've given plenty of people advice in that specific situation... it does go to show how black and white some people want it to be.

What I'm wondering; did he ask you for advice, or are you telling him something of which you think it's going in a wrong direction... it might be considered unsolicited advice, which a lot of people aren't keen on.

 

[peoplesrjames]

I suppose there's some validity to his argument. Giving advice of somethign you have little experience in seems a bit off for most people.

But flat out ignoring it seems a bit harsh IMO.

There are many situations I've never been in exactly, yet I've given plenty of people advice in that specific situation... it does go to show how black and white some people want it to be.

What I'm wondering; did he ask you for advice, or are you telling him something of which you think it's going in a wrong direction... it might be considered unsolicited advice, which a lot of people aren't keen on.

At first the advice was solicited, but I guess when it wasn't what they wanted to hear, they kind of shut down. So now, whenever he talks about the situation, my opinion remains the same which they are apparently tired of hearing lol.

 

[King_Oni]

I think, the best course to go here is just tell him to not bring it up anymore then. Afterall, bringing a topic up, should start a conversation, and perhaps some kind of advice. He's not looking for advice, and you're not looking for conversation, since it's the same drama over and over again...

 

[Judge]

I have a very close friend that I believe is making a HUGE mistake as far as his relationship goes. The issue is pretty cut and dry to me, he needs to let it go. But when I try to reason with him on it, he reminds me that I'm an ASPIE that has never been in a long term romantic relationship.

It's very frustrating that I could have the best advice in the world, but people dismiss it because I'm an Aspie.

Understandable on your part. But then the reality just might be that he's in denial and that it's easier for him to rationalize your inexperience and neurology than his judgment. He just might be far more frustrated with himself than you are with him.

I'm certainly no success when it comes to relationships either, however it doesn't disqualify me from witnessing so many who tenaciously hang onto obviously toxic relationships much longer than they should have.

 

[Naturalist]

People often ignore me, even frequently on those topics for which I am well-informed. I have to assume the problem then is owing to either my presentation of my case, or their own unwillingness to hear any perspective but their own. I work hard at presenting things in a polite way, so if I have done everything I can in that regard I have to assume it's the latter reason, which makes it their own problem not mine.

That said, it feels very frustrating to be repeatedly ignored by someone you care about. Very invalidating.

 

[Beverly]

I'm of the mind that people will either heed my advise or they won't and, either way, it is 100% their doing. I will say it once and only once. I do not care how they react. I have said my peace and, though I am right 99.9% of the time, if they don't listen, it is because they choose not to listen to my advice. In most of those cases, the person does not listen to anyone's advice about much of anything.

I don't care if the take my advice or not, that is their choice. I do care if I have to repeat myself. I don't do it, I hate being asked to do so and, refuse to do so. If you cannot listen and remember the first time, you need either to work on your listening and memory skills or, you need to see a doctor about your hearing loss and inability to remember things.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I am constantly ignored and talked over. Sometimes people will just plain ignore me. Other times they will find something funny in what I say, then cut me off in mid-sentence to laugh, joke, yell and start their own tangentially related conversation from which I'm excluded.
Then they wonder why I'm so quiet.
Most people don't even know I'm an Aspie, but I think they subconsciously detect that I'm different in some way, and thus think it's okay to take advantage of me or assume I have no valuable input. I'm female and I look younger than I am so it might be an ageist or sexist thing. I don't know. No one will tell me. Apparently it's more "polite" to just keep treating me the way they do than to give me an honest answer as to WHY they're doing it.

I'm of the mind that people will either heed my advise or they won't and, either way, it is 100% their doing. I will say it once and only once. I do not care how they react. I have said my peace and, though I am right 99.9% of the time, if they don't listen, it is because they choose not to listen to my advice. In most of those cases, the person does not listen to anyone's advice about much of anything.

I don't care if the take my advice or not, that is their choice. I do care if I have to repeat myself. I don't do it, I hate being asked to do so and, refuse to do so. If you cannot listen and remember the first time, you need either to work on your listening and memory skills or, you need to see a doctor about your hearing loss and inability to remember things.

I totally agree. More often than not I have to repeat myself multiple times - sometimes I have to repeat every single sentence I say during the entire social event - because they weren't listening the first time. I'm thinking I should stop repeating myself and only say things once, like you.
But I wonder if anyone would actually learn from it. I think most people would be content ignoring me and never knowing what I say, even if it's important.

 

[Beverly]

umbrellabeach you will be surprised at how well people perk up and listen once they miss something you say that another heard, and is actively commenting on. Do it in small groups first, then one on one, you can build your reputation for not being one to repeat yourself, people get to know that and, they do listen. better than if you repeat yourself I've found. They know I won't say it again and, it might be interesting or, might be something that will get them fires, or at least in trouble if they don't hear me. It might be something I need done or I won't go on stage and, OUCH, that would be a nightmare for the poor sot that failed to listen.

Just have to make it clear that sometimes not hearing you really does have consequences, then they never know when that will be so, they listen better.

 

[Adora]

Being talked over in my family has been a life long problem with me along with being ignored at times,my mum especially use to do it a lot to me and notice that others like my brothers do it too,while my husband has a habit of not listening at times I do feel that I wish people would listen to me sometimes but it does get very frustrating for me.

 

[umbrellabeach]

umbrellabeach you will be surprised at how well people perk up and listen once they miss something you say that another heard, and is actively commenting on. Do it in small groups first, then one on one, you can build your reputation for not being one to repeat yourself, people get to know that and, they do listen. better than if you repeat yourself I've found. They know I won't say it again and, it might be interesting or, might be something that will get them fires, or at least in trouble if they don't hear me. It might be something I need done or I won't go on stage and, OUCH, that would be a nightmare for the poor sot that failed to listen.

Just have to make it clear that sometimes not hearing you really does have consequences, then they never know when that will be so, they listen better.

Well, I'll have to try that and see how well it works for me. Thanks. (Although I don't socialize much as it is, and I rarely hang out with most people more than once.)
I guess if I were into making New Year's resolutions, this would be part of one to stand up for myself more and stop allowing all the mistreatment I've endured over the years. But I suppose I've as good as made one anyway. XD

 

[granolaturtle]

I live in a household where I hold different views from everyone else. Even if it's someone else who starts a debate, I'm always blamed. They make fun of me, dismiss me and I don't think they ever listen to a word I say. My parents keep on telling me to not argue or contradict others, no matter how polite I am.

I think it has to do with a mixture of things. Being autistic just gives them another excuse, but I'm also a girl, and god forbid I have a different opinion. I'm also young and obviously this means I know nothing of the world, even if it's something I would know more about, like the internet (they won't even listen to me about that). As if there aren't old people on my political spectrum. I know there's a different way they treat me, because they always respectfully engage my brother-in-laws about things (who are just as, if not more, passionate and "aggressive" about their ideas).

 

[ancusmitis]

I live in a household where I hold different views from everyone else. Even if it's someone else who starts a debate, I'm always blamed. They make fun of me, dismiss me and I don't think they ever listen to a word I say. My parents keep on telling me to not argue or contradict others, no matter how polite I am.

I think it has to do with a mixture of things. Being autistic just gives them another excuse, but I'm also a girl, and god forbid I have a different opinion. I'm also young and obviously this means I know nothing of the world, even if it's something I would know more about, like the internet (they won't even listen to me about that). As if there aren't old people on my political spectrum. I know there's a different way they treat me, because they always respectfully engage my brother-in-laws about things (who are just as, if not more, passionate and "aggressive" about their ideas).

Oh yes, I have been right there. It's gotten to the point that I often leave the room whenever people in my family start talking about politics. I'm not going to change their minds about anything, so why bother?

 

[Beverly]

granolaturtle I grew up in a home where being female meant I was automatically weaker, stupid, over emotional and, slow. Didn't matter what I did, how many years of straight A's I got in school, I was a girl and I'd always be a dumb, stupid, slow, emotional idiot according to my father, and my mother never argued with him, she was a dumb, slow, emotional female to so even if she had, it would have meant nothing to him.

I was supposed to barely be capable of learning to cook and clean and, blindly obey men, then get married and just obey and be quiet. Yeah well, I wonder how my dad like me now, what he things of me belting out songs I wrote with the speakers on the stage cranking 130 decibels. I wonder if that is quiet enough for him. LOL

I clearly didn't listen very well as a child. I was a total rebel and, I'm glad I was. Yes for a time I had to hush and ride it out but, that time didn't last forever and, even though he was my father, I don't have to believe a single word he said to me or about me. Now, to me he's just the sperm donor responsible for my birth with the egg donor that's responsible for the other half of my birth. I don't have a mom and dad, never did. I have biological parents but, that does not make them my mom and dad and, legally, they aren't my parents, haven't been since I divorced them while they were in the process of disowning me.

No matter how bad your childhood home is, you can overcome that when you are an adult. Young or old, male or female, you have worth, you are a beautiful person. Never forget that, never let them bring you so far down that you forget what a beautiful human being you are.