Do your parents forget about your autism?

[Kit]

I've always suspected my mom forgets about my symptoms. On our short trip we did together for her sister's funeral, i had an episode about having to read Google maps on her phone but the maps didn't have a compass in it where the map faces the direction you're facing so it was difficult for me to know if she should do a left or right turn. If I had turned the phone, the screen would have rotated so I started to have a meltdown because she was trying to get me to read it and I said I couldn't do it because the map won't facecthe direction we're facing like my own phone does.

My mom then claimed how I should tell her things about my difficulties so I told her she already knows, sheis raised me, took me to OT and I was in it for that problem I was having. I can't rotate things in my head. My mom said it was a long time ago so she isn't going to remember and she isn't raising me anymore and it's no longer her job to help me figure things out because I'm an adult so she isn't going to remember everything about me because it was so long ago.

My mom also gets frustrated with me when I don't process things fast enough and her tone of voice puts me into a shut down when I think she is getting mad at me.

 

[AprilR]

I hate hate using navigation too. I can never read it well.

I am sorry your mom is not understanding of your autism.

 

[NB79]

My parents don't talk about it, or study it to get more understanding.
They kind of accept i 'might' have it.

 

[tlc]

My parents wouldn't believe me even if I had a formal diagnosis. They would just say the doctor is full of BS. They're the kind to always say "oh there's nothing wrong with you". Even when I had bowel and esophagus blockages, they didn't believe me until I showed them the X rays, then they still think I can fix it myself.

 

[Outdated]

i had an episode about having to read Google maps on her phone but the maps didn't have a compass in it where the map faces the direction you're facing so it was difficult for me to know if she should do a left or right turn.

My sister (now in her 60s) also had this problem, she never could read a map. She insisted that she could if you turned the map around the right way for her but as soon as you turned a corner she was lost again. This was long before the days of mobile phones and google maps.

I was driving her somewhere one day through heavy traffic, and she told me to take the next turn on the left, so I darted in to the left hand lane and turned down the next side street only to hear her say "No, no. I meant my other left." Never make the mistake of thinking she's stupid though, she's incredibly intelligent but there's some things she's just not capable of.

As for my parents, they never accepted that there was anything wrong with me, and when I was burning out and my life was crumbling around me the mere suggestion that I might have some mental problems was met with scorn and ridicule. I don't know why that cut me so much, it was on par with the complete lack of support they'd shown me throughout my whole life. It was the last straw for me though, them constantly riding my arse and demanding that I be normal was just something I didn't need in my life so I left them behind. One of the best decisions I ever made.

 

[Crossbreed]

Before my mom's dementia, she attributed my quirkiness to my being gifted.
When I told her about my diagnosis, she was not unkind but could not wrap her head around the idea that autism could be anything but ASD2 or 3. She had no concept of ASD1.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I've always suspected my mom forgets about my symptoms. On our short trip we did together for her sister's funeral, i had an episode about having to read Google maps on her phone but the maps didn't have a compass in it where the map faces the direction you're facing so it was difficult for me to know if she should do a left or right turn. If I had turned the phone, the screen would have rotated so I started to have a meltdown because she was trying to get me to read it and I said I couldn't do it because the map won't facecthe direction we're facing like my own phone does.

My mom then claimed how I should tell her things about my difficulties so I told her she already knows, sheis raised me, took me to OT and I was in it for that problem I was having. I can't rotate things in my head. My mom said it was a long time ago so she isn't going to remember and she isn't raising me anymore and it's no longer her job to help me figure things out because I'm an adult so she isn't going to remember everything about me because it was so long ago.

My mom also gets frustrated with me when I don't process things fast enough and her tone of voice puts me into a shut down when I think she is getting mad at me.

Sometimes even those closest to you will still judge or interpret you by neurotypical standards. My wife sometimes forgets, and I know my co-workers will. It's a difficult thing.

There's a rather polarizing, famous billionaire in the front headlines of the news who also has an ASD, and he is judged, misinterpreted, mischaracterized, and is run through the mud daily, and even other autistics will judge him by neurotypical standards. He's autistic. Classic awkward physical actions, awkward social interactions and quotes, strong beliefs, sometimes rather black and white thinking, difficulties with getting ideas across, and the media is just eating all of it up and saying all manner of things that really aren't true at all. The media loves to twist narratives and words to fit cognitive biases. They love drama, it gets readers engaged. The people who are closest to him love and respect him, so I would judge that fact with a lot more weight than what the media and public think of him. He has a lot of haters because of it, even on this forum. Hmmm, just like us. Time to look in the mirror. He is having our experience, only amplified 1000X. Many of us need a dose of cognitive empathy here.

With my wife I can subtly remind her, but with co-workers, it may mean that I am called into the supervisor's office to explain things when people may have complained about this or that. Not often, but it happens. Then there are the annual peer reviews at work. Well, those corporate review questions are not designed to evaluate someone on the autism spectrum, but rather the neurotypical employee. One year, I actually had to "out myself" and explain what autism is and what it means when working with me in order to have them put things into proper perspective, because an annual peer review is something that affects my pay raises.

 

[Angular Chap]

My parents have been incredibly supportive since I came out about being autistic and got my diagnosis. They would never forget about my autism as a whole, but they always seem to either forget, dismiss or reject certain traits and characteristics of my autism.

I don’t think that’s down to them personally though, I think it could be social, cultural or generational maybe. Some deep rooted ideas from the past still in the back of their minds, pulling the strings and also adding difficulty to accepting a few elephant in the room social problems.