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Does anyone have any problems with relatives and relationships?

Has anyone else ever had this happen?

  • Yes

    Votes: 12 75.0%

  • No

    Votes: 1 6.3%

  • Trains

    Votes: 3 18.8%
  • Total voters
    16
AllyCat

AllyCat

Active Member
Warning: hospitalization, older/younger relationships, manipulative relatives



Okay so I was diagnosed with Aspergers along with several other disorders at 14 after a 12 day hospitalization at an acute treatment center.

Cut to me being 20 years old, independent, collecting disability with no payee, paying rent, electric, phone bill, etc. I entered a relationship with a man back in May and my aunt is saying that a neurotypical man being interested in a person with a "mental deficit" is highly suspect and very inappropriate.

I was with a person on the spectrum for 5 years and that person never treated me like a romantic partner and equal. Instead I was treated like an object.

Then I met my current (we'll call him George) and reception was..mixed to say the least. But the worst of it came from my aunt. She tried to bribe me with a substantial amount of money to leave my partner, threatened to call my doctors and social services and tell them I was engaging in "inappropriate sexual behavior", and threatened to file for conservatorship which basically renders me a minor.

Has anyone else had similar experiences?
 
You're an adult so I don't think they can claim inappropriate sexual behavior - unless it's something really out there. :) Does he try to control your money or ask you for money? Does he help out? I understand your aunt's concerns, but just because he's NT does not warrant suspicion.
 
Pats said:
You're an adult so I don't think they can claim inappropriate sexual behavior - unless it's something really out there. :) Does he try to control your money or ask you for money? Does he help out? I understand your aunt's concerns, but just because he's NT does not warrant suspicion.
Click to expand...

Yes he does help out, in fact we go half on everything. So if its something we both want, we go half on it (for example: rent is 300. He pays 150 and I pay 150). And we're not sure as he was born before autism was a legit diagnosis so he was diagnosed as..well...you know. But my aunt still hates the fact I'm actually happy, healthy, and safe. She'd rather have me under her thumb.
 
Don't let her control your happiness. You're an adult and have already proven you are capable of taking care of yourself.
 
Don't attempt to tell your aunt about your life in any way or anyone who is close to her. Does she have close contact with you? Calls you and ask questions or attempt to control you? Don't give her any information.

The only way she can know about your life is if you tell her or someone she talks to regularly. My suggestion is to cut ties with someone who does that, not quickly, slowly over time. So that they don't suspect that you are doing so.

Fact is she would have to prove the hearsay. And her threats, should be registered with your local police as well as social services. In case she ever attempts it. Autism is not a mental deficit as you likely know.

I'd also consult a lawyer to see if she has any sort of chance of doing this. As she is an Aunt, and not an immediate family member I doubt if she would have much in the way of legal control over you as you are not a minor, and you've been on your own for some time.
 
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My family is always up in my business, this led me to move across the world and stop communicating with them. It was the only solution I could see.
 
I’d be tempted to take the money and then just continue with my life with my boyfriend. Like Fridgemagnetman said. Maybe just invest it in some safe mutual funds in case you ever need to hire a lawyer t fight your aunt (who should mind her own business).
 
Rent is $300 somewhere in the world?? I need to move. Our rent is over $2,000.

And family can do something like that when you're over 18 and live on your own? I would think they'd have just as much authority over you as a stranger would.
 
Fino said:
I would think they'd have just as much authority over you as a stranger would.
Click to expand...

I'm not giving her any money....

10,000 isn't enough.
She'll try to hold it over you for the rest of her days.

Does she have a lot of money?

Seems like you found out early hat type if person she is.
The type to use money all her days.
Later in she'll play everyone she can regarding the will...

Don't take it and stop telling her stuff.

50k however... :)
 
Birth mother, is dead to me. And so is one sister.

I have ptsd caused by gross injustice with "family".
 
She’s trying to look out for you, in her own way.
She may have some ‘old-school’ ideas about mental health.

You don’t owe her anything and you’re old enough to make your own choices and mistakes.

Your life, your happiness, your business.

Have relationships on your terms.
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
I'm not giving her any money....

10,000 isn't enough.
She'll try to hold it over you for the rest of her days.

Does she have a lot of money?

Seems like you found out early hat type if person she is.
The type to use money all her days.
Later in she'll play everyone she can regarding the will...

Don't take it and stop telling her stuff.

50k however... :)
Click to expand...

I don't want to give specifics but both she and her husband have very high paying jobs. They recently went on a 10,000 vacation and own their own house.
 
Mia said:
Don't attempt to tell your aunt about your life in any way or anyone who is close to her. Does she have close contact with you? Calls you and ask questions or attempt to control you? Don't give her any information.

The only way she can know about your life is if you tell her or someone she talks to regularly. My suggestion is to cut ties with someone who does that, not quickly, slowly over time. So that they don't suspect that you are doing so.

Fact is she would have to prove the hearsay. And her threats, should be registered with your local police as well as social services. In case she ever attempts it. Autism is not a mental deficit as you likely know.

I'd also consult a lawyer to see if she has any sort of chance of doing this. As she is an Aunt, and not an immediate family member I doubt if she would have much in the way of legal control over you as you are not a minor, and you've been on your own for some time.
Click to expand...

I haven't told her
 
She also thinks that older/younger relationships are always predatory and the older person always has an ulterior motive.
 
You need to start standing up to auntie. If you can't, you need to cut her out of your life, but it's much healthier to stand up to her.

She and her husband sound like very self-righteous people who equate their career success with moral rectitude. I hate people like that.

There are many people who would like to see anyone with a disability, of any kind, get sterilized and never have any romantic or sex life. This is an elitist and ableist perspective, all you can do is hope Karma gets 'em in the end.

Good luck.
 
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