Does full-time work seem impossible to anyone else?

[As sweet as-pie]

Hi All. Been a while since I posted here.

I've had trouble with education since I was a teenager, dropping out a total of 5 times since then. I'm now at University via a distance learning course and loving it. The freedom it gives me is something I value a lot and something I need in any education / job I think. I took on a volunteering role from home about 6 months ago as I thought it would be a good first step in my career but even with that, it hasn't been easy. I've taken the day off last-minute over a handful of times in quite a short amount of time and I have no doubt at all that I'd be the same in a paid role. I don't necessarily *want* to work but at this point it's kind of a necessity, as with most people. I'm reliant on my partner's income and while we're comfortable (and very lucky for that), we can't get a mortgage until I get a full-time job due to the housing market where we live. I'm very eager to own a house and although it may seem like I should slow down, I don't think timing is the issue since I don't feel like I'll EVER be ready to work.

I did think maybe working a volunteer role in person and then working my way up to part-time work, and then to full-time work would be a good idea and maybe something that could work but I feel SO much pressure to just get on with it. Everyone else seems to go straight from 0-100 in terms of full-time work so why can't I? There's definitely a lot of internalized ableism there. I tend to push myself further than I know I can go and end up failing and "proving myself right" that I'm incapable of everything somehow. I know I do better when I accept my limitations but sometimes it's impossible. I really do wish I could just do things without finding them so difficult all the time. I have a major mental block right now.

I've applied for a full-time job and had a call back, I need to go and collect an application form in person (why... oh why? this seems impossible in itself but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it). But the thought of something and the reality are 2 very different things and now I've just woken up in the middle of the night having what I can only describe as an existential crisis. Work just does not seem like something I'm capable of. At least not right now. And at least not all at once. But I feel like I'm running out of time.

TL;DR - Full-time work seems impossible to me but I'm in need of the financial status so me and my partner can buy a house. Has anyone had any experience with this? Any advice or words of comfort? Thanks.

 

[Aspychata]

The hardest parts, applying for a job. The stupid interview process. And working for a bad boss or equally bad employees. That's it in a nutshell. Wait, boring work, or working for a micro-manager or worse yet, working for a stupid manager, or office politics. What -why does my list keep getting longer.

By a real cheap house, less jobs needed. Lol

 

[As sweet as-pie]

The hardest parts, applying for a job. The stupid interview process. And working for a bad boss or equally bad employees. That's it in a nutshell. Wait, boring work, or working for a micro-manager or worse yet, working for a stupid manager, or office politics. What -why does my list keep getting longer.

By a real cheap house, less jobs needed. Lol

I agree, the interview process is defo the hardest! Unfortunately houses are just expensive where we live and moving isn't really an option as we moved here for the sole purpose of settling down. If I still lived where I grew up then we'd be able to afford a 3 bedroom just on one income but where we live now, even with 2 incomes we'll struggle to get 2 beds. It sucks!

 

[Sylas]

I've never held a job in my life, full time or otherwise, never did manage to graduate from college despite being relatively good at academics, I was just utterly hopeless at the human side of, well, everything. The idea of being out there, every single day, dealing with humans and their (from my perspective) incomprehensible and intolerable nature was unbearable, it made the prospect of life just wholly unacceptable.

It sounds to me like you're not at that point yet but you could end up there. It's infinitely easier said than done but unless you're like me and lucked into being born into a family with resources that maybe will allow me to survive into relative old age, then you're going to have to get to a place in life where you can manage work and the more you wait in all likelihood the harder it will get.

 

[Gee Wyles]

I worked full time at a bank for over 30 years and actually liked what I did for the most part. I would just mind my own business and did not get involved in office politics. If I could do this, so can you. You might actually like your job plus, not all bosses are A-holes.

Give if a try with a positive attitude. A good way to get through the interview is to ask questions about the job and the person interviewing you. If you are lucky, the person will take up most of the interview time just talking about themselves and the company and will forget about asking you too many questions.

 

[Magna]

I worked full time for nearly 30 years. It wore on me to the point of having a very serious near-nervous breakdown level (autistic burnout). I had no other choice but to change jobs (same career that I don't like). I negotiated a four day 32 hour work week at my new job and I've been working that for about 3.5 years now. Three day weekends every weekend has changed my life for the better and has allowed me to continue working. At this point in my life I could not go back to working 5 days per week.

 

[Zhantera]

Lately yes. I used to be able to work full time physically, but not successfully. I was fired for panic attacks, and never really did well because I don't really talk. Trying to work full time has caused me a few illnesses now. For the past 5 years, I can't work anymore than 15 a week. Even my medical records say I won't be able to support myself. Kinda depressing, but kinda relieving all in the same breath. I feel like a burden to those around me, but I'm just not capable of faking my way through it any more.

 

[Primrose]

How long would you have to work full-time until you would get the mortgage?
Could you afford to go part-time then?

Each time I've worked full-time I ended up with burnout within a year or two. It's frustrating because I would like to buy a house but I know working full-time just isn't possible for me.

 

[jaythos]

I feel lucky in that I've managed to hold down jobs reasonably well, although not without great difficulty.
I suffered a lot of anxiety, angry outbursts, all the fun stuff. I would get burned out after a few months, and have never stayed at the same place for more than a year.
But, work also saved me. It got me outside, helped me learn how to interact with others and master the art of 'water cooler' conversations and feign interest in sport. It also provided me deep satisfaction, especially once I broke into my field of interest (tech!)
My advice would be to ease into it, as best you can. I understand it may be hard to watch others lean into full time work so easily, but that's just that - what's easy for others will not always be easy for us. But know that it can be done, and if you're kind to yourself and find a workplace that will allow you the space to not be overwhelmed, it may even be sustainable (although I haven't managed that part yet heh)

 

[Bolletje]

For me, the full-time job (and paid employment as a whole) gives me the motivation to show up, if that makes sense.

I’ve had unpaid internship and volunteer jobs where I didn’t really feel like I would be missed if I didn’t show up, so I didn’t. If no one counts on me, specifically me, to get a job done, I won’t feel the pressure to show up. But knowing people rely on me and depend on me, and I actually contribute and get paid for it, that’s what makes work fun for me and motivates me to show up even if I don’t feel well. (Within reasonable limits, obviously).

Since COVID I get to work from home several days a week, and that makes working easier for me. If I have an off day, mental health wise, (and I’m not absolutely required to show up on site) I’ll just work from home and take extra breaks where needed.

 

[Darkkin]

I work full time. It is the foundation of my routine structure. It keeps me grounded, up, active, and productive. Very fortunately, I love what I do. And it allows me to be independent.

 

[paloftoon]

It is hard! Look for remote work. If you have some programming skills, my department specifically works with people on the spectrum. If you'd be up for a video chat so that I could probably refer you, I'd be happy to do that. I would understand your hesitation. With full time work, it does eat away a lot, but I make it work. It helps pay bills and allows me to do activities I otherwise wouldn't be able to do.

 

[Thinx]

I worked full time mostly, had a difficult situation causing burn out mid career, left the career and had a year not working then went part time in entry level jobs.

Same as you, but as a single person, I had to go full time in a boring yet difficult job to get a mortgage, but I was also developing a new career in counselling and went part time at the boring job after 2 years, ended up full time in counselling and counselling training. I can do full time in work I love. Look for work you care about and enjoy. Train for it if necessary.

Also, once you get the mortgage, you can decide to work less, as long as you can budget between you to make the mortgage payments. You do always have moving somewhere cheaper as an option if all else fails. Scotland is mega cheap, yet beautiful for example.

 

[As sweet as-pie]

How long would you have to work full-time until you would get the mortgage?
Could you afford to go part-time then?

Each time I've worked full-time I ended up with burnout within a year or two. It's frustrating because I would like to buy a house but I know working full-time just isn't possible for me.

Unfortunately probably not - I'm not sure how it works. I don't think a bank can just withdraw your mortgage if your employment status changes but I wouldn't be surprised. We can easily afford mortgage payments now on one income but we're not "eligible" until I'm earning a full-time salary.

 

[Judge]

Full-time or part-time....job interviews were always tough for me. Much tougher than any job. That said, I have never been fired from the most benign forms of employment to the most sophisticated ones. But just getting my foot in the door has always been a painfully arduous process for me. After a lifetime of struggle, thank God I'm retired now.

That brief, but consequential interview that usually took so little time, yet can manifest a career for decades. So much at stake over social dynamics that can be so difficult for so many of us.

Sorry I can't tell you something more positive, but at least you are not alone with such a perspective.

 

[Darius]

It can get better, slowly at a time. I was severely depressed and could hardly leave house for 2 years (almost a decade ago). I couldn't find a job for a long time. I started volunteering with teaching language lessons to foreigners (free) and for some time that was my side occassional job to have any income at all (nothing big). I couldn't find an office job for a long time so finally at my friend's suggestion, I gave in and just went for any. Which was selling books in a chain store. They were always desperate for employees (paying close to minimal wage) and I love books, so that was perfect (despite long hours and stressful place). It was stressful so I left in the end, but I managed to get some standing. It was less stressful to apply for jobs when I had a job.

In my free time I had a blog and used that to leverage blogging as an experience in copywriting. The new job wasn't ideal but paid better, and at times we could work from home (pre-pandemic). I left that for better paying job and so on. I was switching in between jobs in IT/Internet and found each time better and better suited to me. Now I used pandemic switch to remote work and working remotely from abroad. With bit of luck (and money support) it was possible.

There are some entry-level things that you can do to get at least a bit of income (the wages might be low, unfortunately) and some experience. AI machine learning requires people to feed the data Iike images, text/check the data. It's possible to get freelance copywrite and translation experience or manual testing (again small cash unless you invest a lot of time). All remote.

It's possible to learn the interview skills to get a job, with each experience you can get better. You need to learn how to sell your skills and character. Dropped out but finished? Resilient, persevering. What kind of volunteer you did? List some skills from that and remember that many soft skills you can transfer between fields, and even you can transfer some hard skills if you point to things you've learned. Let's say you were accountant and want IT job now - you are detailed, work well with numbers, etc.

If you need some details or coaching/teaching some basics, feel free to pm me.

 

[RotanotNino]

Try finding something that actually interests you that can also pay well. At 18 and just out of high school I was considering one job when I looked in a USN Ratings (Job classifications) book and saw the aircraft ratings. Working on aircraft wiring and instrumentation systems was fun most of the time, and no job is fun all of the time. Learning the electrical, hydraulic and pneumatic systems and underlying theories along with common point troubleshooting and motor controls set me up to generally stay well employed for the 44 years I worked as an adult prior to retirement.

Learning to be around people and deal with them is something you most likely will not be able to avoid. Apparently some people do manage to find jobs that keep them away from others but that is not the norm. Be prepared to have crappy days and a lot of the more valuable lessons you get will be the result of errors/SNAFUs rather than successes.

 

[As sweet as-pie]

Full-time or part-time....job interviews were always tough for me. Much tougher than any job. That said, I have never been fired from the most benign forms of employment to the most sophisticated ones. But just getting my foot in the door has always been a painfully arduous process for me. After a lifetime of struggle, thank God I'm retired now.

That brief, but consequential interview that usually took so little time, yet can manifest a career for decades. So much at stake over social dynamics that can be so difficult for so many of us.

Sorry I can't tell you something more positive, but at least you are not alone with such a perspective.

This is entirely correct.

Also - as an update to you all. I did manage to get the application form and I also managed to go to an interview and GOT THE JOB. This is something I never thought I'd be able to achieve and I have no idea how I'll handle actually working but the biggest barrier to employment for me was always my "inability" to attend interviews. And now I've done it. Onwards and upwards. Thank you for all of your kind words of support.

 

[VictorR]

This is entirely correct.

Also - as an update to you all. I did manage to get the application form and I also managed to go to an interview and GOT THE JOB. This is something I never thought I'd be able to achieve and I have no idea how I'll handle actually working but the biggest barrier to employment for me was always my "inability" to attend interviews. And now I've done it. Onwards and upwards. Thank you for all of your kind words of support.

Congrats!

Now the next part is holding on to the job - something which is also a challenge on its own. Please make sure if you need any supports of any type that you try to get them, whether that be a mentor whom you can go to for guidance, or ensuring you are properly trained and not just "thrown out there." If you need time off for any reason, to ask for it, and if you find that working full time might be too much to handle, to consider asking about reducing your hours, or perhaps working a split shift or other alternate arrangements, if they may be available. Good luck!

 

[Gerontius]

This is entirely correct.

Also - as an update to you all. I did manage to get the application form and I also managed to go to an interview and GOT THE JOB. This is something I never thought I'd be able to achieve and I have no idea how I'll handle actually working but the biggest barrier to employment for me was always my "inability" to attend interviews. And now I've done it. Onwards and upwards. Thank you for all of your kind words of support.

Glad to hear you're in!

Good luck on the rest. I'm hoping that everything goes well for you.