Does the lack of formality and politeness upset you?

[Shiznown]

I think this may be more of an issue in lower income areas. I have a friend and whenever he is around one of his friends whom I have not met he never introduces me, nor do they introduce themselves. I wind up having to introduce myself. This isn't just a problem with him, or his friends either. I have been with other friends in their parents home and when their parents arrive they say nothing to me. I'm a stranger in their home, don't you think they would at least introduce themselves at least to get a feel of what type of person I am? Do things like this annoy anyone else?

 

[King_Oni]

Nope... the opposite usually bothers me more. Anything beyond my name is more information I'm willing to share voluntarily, not because it's "good etiquette".

I can't even count the number of times I was dating a girl (or at least just visiting) and parents wanted to know everything about me. At times I've answered "If I come over more often, you'll gradually get more information about me". Similarly, I'm not interested in everything someone does either. I don't care what my friends parents do for a living, nor do I care how old they are; in fact, I can't even recall most of my friends parents names... it's information they I will probably store somewhere, deep, deep down and don't care for at all anyway.

Here's the funny thing though; my parents don't bother with this either. They don't bother to introduce themselves and don't expect people to introduce themselves either. I can bring over who I want and that's perfectly fine with them. As my dad once said "to me it would be utterly silly if I would tell you who you can be friends with and who you couldn't". Similarly, a situation came to mind with my ex-girlfriend who called my dad an a-hole once over a disagreement. My ex and my dad never exchanged words again but that was about it. I know in some households said person would pretty much be ejected out and I would be given a lecture up to where parents would tell me "get rid of her" cause we can't stand such behavior.

So perhaps I'm raised with the notion that the people someone in this household hangs out with; it's their friends, why should I push myself upon them?

Even if my parents have visitors, neither they, nor I, feel the urge to introduce myself and shake their hand. Perhaps it's where this household looks more like I'm sharing a house with my parents rather than living in their house.

 

[bentHnau]

Nope... the opposite usually bothers me more.

Similarly, I'm not interested in everything someone does either. I don't care what my friends parents do for a living, nor do I care how old they are

Yes! Same with me. They are strangers; I see them as such and wish to be seen and treated as such. The fact that they are related to the person with whom I'm visiting is of no consequence to me; their personal details are no more interesting than those of any other complete stranger.

 

[Andy R]

I hate formality. So long as people are polite there is just no need for all these social protocols.

 

[wyverary]

I actually like formalities--it's something I can understand and process easily without having to intuit a social situation. And if no one bothers to introduce me, I simply initiate said formalities. It's one of the things that helps me get by in social situations. When I have to introduce myself, I've gotten pretty good at reading the other person, if it's someone with whom I would care to converse or spend time. Lots of practice and self-awareness, I suppose.

 

[gregmcph]

I have the reverse. A Fear or not providing Formality and Politeness.

I'll end up over-thanking people, fearing being rude by not acknowledging their kindness. I will get into a panic because I know I have to introduce two people to each other, but I can't remember their names (and I've known them both for 10 years). "Carol, this is...." waves hand vaguely. They start talking, and I get the hell out of the way.

I know I have insulted people in the past by simply forgetting to say then end bit of "I'm fine. And how are you?" Doesn't make for natural conversations when you are worrying not to insult or ignore or contribute sufficiently.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Yes, any rudeness irritates me (I consider myself Miss Etiquette). Anyone not introducing someone is rude, but it seems that people are just oozing rudeness these days and probably don't even know what the word "etiquette" means. What I would do with your friend the next time he does this is say to the other person "I'm so sorry my friend has forgotten to introduce me" (give your friend a strange look) then say "but please allow me to introduce myself". Shake the new persons hand firmly and say "it is so nice to meet you. My name is...And you are?". Of course, also when the person leaves don't forget to say "it was so good to meet you." It will make your friend look like the doofus that he is and I'm sure he will catch on real quick! Whether people want to realize it or not, the person with good manners always gets noticed and secretly appreciated.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I have the reverse. A Fear or not providing Formality and Politeness.

I'll end up over-thanking people, fearing being rude by not acknowledging their kindness. I will get into a panic because I know I have to introduce two people to each other, but I can't remember their names (and I've known them both for 10 years). "Carol, this is...." waves hand vaguely. They start talking, and I get the hell out of the way.

I know I have insulted people in the past by simply forgetting to say then end bit of "I'm fine. And how are you?" Doesn't make for natural conversations when you are worrying not to insult or ignore or contribute sufficiently.

I'm bad at names too! And I pretty much barely answer the "how are you?" question because I know they really don't give a darn. At work they'll ask "how are things going tonight?", and I'll just say "the usual". Do they really want to know how my night is going? I would venture to say "no" unless they really want to stick around and listen to my work problems that I could keep them busy with for hours. If I'm not interested in knowing how someone really is, all I'll say is "Hi" and move on. If more people did that, probably more work would get done.

 

[Berianireth]

I hate formality. So long as people are polite there is just no need for all these social protocols.

Formality makes me feel under more pressure to be formal. I think a lot of people consider my natural responses "formal" though, so maybe it goes unnoticed.
When people don't introduce themselves I can sometimes be quite suspicious of them rather than annoyed! I just associate it with conning or deception automatically now. Last week someone tried to steal my debit card over the phone without introducing themselves, and it just set alarms off in my head right away.

 

[Autism]

Formality makes me feel under more pressure to be formal. I think a lot of people consider my natural responses "formal" though, so maybe it goes unnoticed.
When people don't introduce themselves I can sometimes be quite suspicious of them rather than annoyed! I just associate it with conning or deception automatically now. Last week someone tried to steal my debit card over the phone without introducing themselves, and it just set alarms off in my head right away.

It is not formality that bothers me, but when someone uses fake formality, and boy do I catch that in a split second, then I want nothing to do with that person.

I have especially keen senses now because of stalkers that are trying to get into my life, using all kinds of people to achieve that goal, trying to be nice, trying to be mad, trying to convince, all just to get into my life. None of them will succeed.