Does this happen to anyone else?

[BrokenBoy]

I have realized that there are certain IRL or online that I think are cool and I wanna be their friend and hang out.

And for some reason I end up having fantasies and daydreams about becoming their friend and hanging out together.

However I am too shy on average(with some exceptions) to actually considering trying to talk to them and I only end up doing it when they start talking to me first. However these conversations are kinda neutral and don't end up with me being their friend. They don't seem to hate me or like me, they just seem neutral towards me.

Anyone else going through this?

 

[Monachopia]

Yeah, I've had this all my life. I have wonderful friendships with many people... in my head. It never goes anywhere, I never have those conversations, I can never actually act normal like I see in my mind's eye around them, they are neutral towards me and I'm always the weird person.

 

[Graphin]

In a very similar sense.
By talking up to one of them, I found the first aspie, realized that in myself, recognized the abuse of my parents, amongst other things.

 

[Progster]

Yes. People tend to keep me at arm's length and deal with me on a neutral or superficial level, they don't want to get involved. I don't really get to know people, and other people don't get to know me, and it is hard to find friends or have meaningful relationships with people beyond the superficial. I really don't see the point of this superficial interaction. As a teenager or young person I found it frustrating at times, but I prefer it that way now, I don't feel I need to make new friends IRL.

 

[DiverseWonderland]

I have realized that there are certain IRL or online that I think are cool and I wanna be their friend and hang out.

And for some reason I end up having fantasies and daydreams about becoming their friend and hanging out together.

However I am too shy on average(with some exceptions) to actually considering trying to talk to them and I only end up doing it when they start talking to me first. However these conversations are kinda neutral and don't end up with me being their friend. They don't seem to hate me or like me, they just seem neutral towards me.

Anyone else going through this?

Yea I can relate, I will fantasize about making friends with a person or other things but as far as doing it I have a harder time with that.

 

[Otenba]

Can definitely relate. Wish I had something helpful to say to deal with it. People I've told about it just tell me "forget them" when it's almost everyone. I'll never make any decent pals with that attitude. :/

 

[Nervous Rex]

Yes. People tend to keep me at arm's length and deal with me on a neutral or superficial level, they don't want to get involved.

This.

 

[Fino]

If it helps at all, I do the opposite and it has never turned out badly. Not that I remember...

 

[paloftoon]

Happens to me all the time. Happens to many people. I think many people on the spectrum make a bigger deal about it than others. Partly because we don't or haven't had those deep connections others have been able to form. Or, some others who don't have those deep connections are too gregarious and people are inclined to like them as they are and they know they can ask others for help.

Best way we can manage our own social concerns in these kind of scenarios is just keep trying interest groups and talking to different people in small groups and/or 1-1 as much as we feasibly can. Don't expect a person to come to you. If it does, try to make "the magic" happen. If not, it's okay to try initiating yourself if you feel comfortable. If you get no results, don't stick around. Move on and look for other people or things to do. When you can show others that you don't need to depend on them for social comfort, especially if you're involved or an expert in something and you're doing that something, some people can become naturally attracted to that confidence and independence of activity, socially. Good luck to all.