Does this seem like Bipolar to you?

[QueenOfFrance87]

Today, I learned that I was tested at a hospital for bipolar disorder three years ago. I pretty much forgot about it until now. It started today with my stepdad setting up an appointment at that very hospital. My mom told me this, and now I'm worried.

Even though I tested negative for now, I am convinced that I have it because
1. My real dad has it,
2. I tend to be moody, depressed, irritable and on rare occasions, angry at times, and
3. Even though my ex has it himself, he was convinced I have it too.

If I do get it in the future, it will be the end of me. I don't want to scare away any potential boyfriends or employers. Honestly, I wish my mom never told me, because to me, bipolar disorder is the COVID-19 of mental health, and I don't want it.

 

[Fino]

You make it sound like a physical disease, it's very odd. Being tested for it in a hospital, testing negative, get it later...interesting perspective on it!

Just from what you said, no, that doesn't sound like Bipolar, but you also didn't say very much.

Being treated for at least several months by a psychologist would be the best way to know something like this.

 

[QueenOfFrance87]

I didn't say much because I didn't know if I had it, but my brain knows better. An example, I just had an angry outburst at my mom because she left the door open for the cat to escape. Most days I am fine, but others are more difficult. My ex-in-laws are against me because of it. I admit I have a temper, but my Abilify is keeping me together. Still, I feel like it's my fault because I never got a second opinion, and it could have saved my marriage.

 

[Alexej]

Still, I feel like it's my fault because I never got a second opinion, and it could have saved my marriage.

Sounds like you are blaming yourself - not a good plan.

 

[QueenOfFrance87]

I'm aware of that, but my ex made it seem that way. Instead of talking to me like a rational person, he acted like a coward, blamed everything on me, and talks to his parents about it behind my back. Honestly, I am glad we are done because he made me feel worse about myself.

So yeah, that and the fact that my dad is bipolar is very discouraging to me.

 

[GadAbout]

I've known bipolar people who were very stable and productive members of society. It's not a death sentence!

From other threads it seems you tend to get into rages, but that in itself is not manic behavior. To qualify for a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, you must not only have some depressive phases, but some period of time when your behavior is manic or hypomanic (the latter meaning mildy manic, or tending in that direction but not full-fledged).

Examples of mania/hypomania include:
1. Pressured speech - speaking rapidly and with great emphasis
2. High energy level - exercising many hours a day, or getting by on no sleep or only minimal, like one or two hours a day
3. Engaging in unusually risky behavior, such as speeding, or taking risks where your employment is concerned (telling off the boss, for instance)
4. Being highly sexual
5. Grandiosity - thinking you're extra special somehow
6. Spending too much money, way outside your budget
7. Psychosis - delusions, hallucinations

If you never have anything like these kinds of symptoms, you can't be bipolar. Bipolar means you have two phases - the "up" phases and the "down" phases. If you only have depression, that's called unipolar depression, and it's a different kind of diagnosis.

Some writers say that anger or irritability can be a manic symptom, but since it can also be present in other disorders, I don't think it's enough for a diagnosis. But any of those other 7 things I listed, could qualify.

What do you think? Does any of this ring a bell?

 

[QueenOfFrance87]

Just number 4, though to be fair I was married at the time. Most of those relate to my ex, because he hardly ever sleeps, speeds when he drives (resulting in accidents and pullovers) and spending money on Amazon and maxing out his cards.

I was diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder a year later, which can explain my anger issues. I have since kept it under control for half a year now, rarely being aggressive. I honestly hope to keep it that way.

I guess all this came from my stepdad going to an appointment in the same building, that and the fact I read that bipolar is hereditary (at least I think it is)

 

[GadAbout]

Just because something is hereditary doesn't mean all the offspring will get it. Most of the mental disorders are caused by a combination of factors - yes, there may be a genetic component, but then that interacts with the environment and experience. I can't say about bipolar disorder, but autism has been "linked" to numerous different genes. And there is a strong family component, but that is not absolute destiny.

 

[onlything]

Honestly, you don't really sound bipolar to me but then I base it mostly on the things I observed about my friend. It would probably be best for you to bring your concerns and observations to a specialist.

From what I understand, the mania and risk-taking are important indicators in bipolar. For example, my friend in her mania would engage in reckless sexual behaviours with strangers, spend money like crazy, speed, broke off her engagement, suddenly changed jobs etc. She described miania as a feeling that she is the most important/powerful and that she can do anything she thinks and she would alternate between this state and depression state without in-between (before her diagnosis and subsequent treatment). Still, she's just an individual and isn't a representation of the whole group.

Your bursts of anger sound more like my mum's depression, though. She's tired, numb and sad all the time, but prone to sudden angry outbursts, especially towards my father or while feeling stressed or after having forgotten about something.

But while we can talk and exchange information, I don't think guesswork is a good idea in this situation. You really should speak with a professional.

 

[Bolletje]

I have to agree with @Fino in that your approach is interesting. It’s not something you can be tested for and it’s not something you ‘get’ at some point. You either have it or you don’t.

Also, the behavior you describe doesn’t really sound like bipolar, it just sounds like you have anger issues.

I have bipolar disorder and I am generally a calm person. I’m not stable - still figuring out what meds work best for me - but I don’t have a temper. I do have recurring depressions without a clear external cause and I have had at least two major manic episodes. That’s what defines bipolar disorder, not anger.

 

[Voltaic]

I will echo something someone has said here, and if it is a real concern, bring it up with a doctor. Doesn't even have to be a specialist, but your GP can help set up an appointment with a psychiatric or navigate the mental health system.

They will only diagnose you if you have a level of problems effecting daily life again to a level deemed diagnose-able to the doctor. If symptoms isn't a big problem, it might not be diagnosed.

Either way, talk about it with the doctor. talk about the symptoms and the problems they make in your life. Even with a GP or crisis line. both can guide you to proper help.

Even when you are just under speculation. Bipolar is a serious thing. Best talk about it to someone who can help deal with the symptoms before they get bad. Early prevention is key. Get on it.

 

[QueenOfFrance87]

I've always assumed I had bipolar back then because my dad had anger issues too. Of course his alcohol usage didn't help. While I have my anger mostly in control, it does pop up at least once a month. I may talk to a doctor, though my appointment isn't until next month. Worst case scenario, I can call him about it.