"Don't touch my stuff!"

[Simply a Bibliophile]

This morning I woke up to find that my mother had completely destroyed my study space (okay, it was the kitchen table, but there's nothing new at all about that) and discarded a French assignment contained in a paper bag.

I tried to impress upon her what a travesty this was and how she shouldn't have touched my stuff, but she just didn't seem to get it. I told her that she should have understood that the paper bag was school-related because there was an assignment stapled to it, and her reply was, "Well, the assignment was in French, how was I supposed to know?!" By my logic, she should have asked me what the label said before tossing out the bag but she didn't understand this at all.

Is this just an Aspie way of thinking, or is it me? Anyone else have issues like this?

 

[Deno]

This seems obvious to me, if you don't know what it is, ASK! I have had the same things happen before and it is overly frustrating. Thing is, the kitchen table is probably not the best place for a study area, whether Sherlock thinks it is or not.. I hear people like to eat at that spot. So best leave the table clear until you have your own flat

 

[Simply a Bibliophile]

This seems obvious to me, if you don't know what it is, ASK! I have had the same things happen before and it is overly frustrating. Thing is, the kitchen table is probably not the best place for a study area, whether Sherlock thinks it is or not.. I hear people like to eat at that spot. So best leave the table clear until you have your own flat

We use it to eat surprisingly infrequently. As in, never! Mum always eats while she reads the news on her computer in her office, I always eat in my armchair or while standing and reading a book, and my sister in front of the television or in the chair in front of the television. Last time we ate at the table was about a month ago.

No experiments on the table though. Not yet at least.

 

[Soup]

That sounds like a common sense basic courtesy thing. Who just throws out something that doesn't belong to them? Sounds like she just wasn't thinking, got into cleaning mode & went overboard.

 

[Arashi222]

It sounds to me that like Soup suggested new rule everyone should ask before throwing something out. Regardless if you think its a waste or not. I mean it happens I have had this happen I think any body has had this happen to them. But maybe make it a new rule or something like ask or check with me before you threw somethign out especailly if it is in a language you don't understand. Good luck though

 

[Spinning Compass]

I can kind of relate to that. My grandfather was very much the same way. His justification was that it was HIS house and HIS rules and everyone else had to fall in line. School assignment? Too bad. Shouldn't have been there. He didn't ask either. He just did. That was how my mother was raised.

 

[King_Oni]

In a way I feel it's common courtesy, that as long as you share a household (and as such the rule of "my house, my rules" doesn't apply in my logic) with others... you can respect other peoples properties.

Just put it elsewhere if it bothers you. Papers... make a pile and put it somewhere. Heck... in worst case you might find the pile on your bed or your chair or wherever.

I even remember when I had a introduction thing with my parents to a new school with the principal there, they even asked me quite clearly "do you have facilities where he can do his homework?"... especially since back then not all schools were equipped with giant halls filled with computers and desks and homework mostly was.. .well "homework".

Perhaps the place where you do your homework isn't right, but by all means I'd be the one to ask my mom or dad where is. And them putting it off as "don't know, don't care" comes across as not particularly sensible.

And I think it kinda works like that with a lot. I think that, no matter how big of a contribution in a household you have, you need some places where you can do your things and put your stuff without people interfering.

 

[76054Pluto]

When I was at high school I sometimes did homework on the kitchen table and I did get annoyed if my mum moved it but one thing above all else that I couldn't stand would be if she moved stuff around in my room. Even to this day I can't stand people touching my CDs, books, CD player etc.

 

[Bay]

I agree that it would have been courteous for her to ask before she removed your stuff. On the other hand, in most households the kitchen table is a shared, communal space that is used by everyone (and is often used for food preparation as well) and she may have wanted to make it available at a time when she could not ask you. It does not excuse her for throwing away your assignment, however.

 

[LikeyouToMe]

That's a common sense thing tbh and your very "normal" reaction has next to nothing to do with being Aspie.

Reading this alone gets me annoyed as it reminds me of when people touch my things and not put them back in the right place or order, ergh!!!

 

[smith2267]

Do you write in French as a hobby?
I don't know you, but it seems obvious to me that a paper written in a foreign language would be school related. Unless you have a pen pal or something. (Do kids still do that? Might be an outdated custom).

 

[Divrom]

Gotta say, I'm kinda with your mother.

She was probably a bit foolish to chuck it away, but then if it was that important you shouldn't have left it lying around.

Has she asked you not to leave stuff lying around before? Do you think she chucked it away out of frustration, or absent-mindedness, or what?

 

[Soup]

In a family home where EVERYONE resides there, it isn't clear what constitutes 'lying around' & who gets to wear the big hat & decide whose stuff was in fact 'lying around' & who gets to chuck it out. Spinning Compass gave the example of an authoritarian grandparent who said, "my house, my rules" & lorded over others. I wonder how people who think this way at home balance that with living in a democratic country where citizens expect to have a series of basic rights in the face of the authorities within the greater society. Suddenly, they get home & become Julius Caesar.

When the kids were younger & they'd leave a trail of stuff in their wake, I'd remind them to place their toys in the toy box (or on the shelf etc.). If it was paper stuff, I'd pile it up & put it in a plastic bin. Anything 'lying around' (as in left strewn on the table, sofa or coffee table etc.) went into the in, They could then go retrieve their assignment or whatever it was. Bullying behaviours & pointless authoritarianism is just plain mean. Sure, I'd ask them several times to move their papers, but people get distracted; they forget. This isn't a crime. Parents sometimes get huffy about their precious authority & see any deviation from their expectations as some kind of personal offence.

If the item was, for instance a rotting sandwich left in their bedroom, that's definitely a throw away because it is unhygienic. A French assignment on a kitchen table isn't hurting anyone, rotting & smelling or a hazard.

 

[ShatteredUniverse]

Heh. I have a similar problem, except it's with a fellow Aspie who lives at the boarding house I'm staying in right now. The man (I'm tempted to say "boy", 'cause he frequently acts like a teenager) has a bad habit of moving and/or throwing away things without warning or authorization.

I never leave anything of any importance lying about in the communal areas because of this. I don't want to become homeless or even go to jail, because that person can't get the concept of "this ain't yours, leave it the hell alone".

 

[Cerulean]

I like tidying up and I like when my husband does it, except that he never warns me in advance so all the things that I previously knew where they were, he moved them "somewhere" and it takes us four times as long to find them

 

[umbrellabeach]

Once when I was a kid, my dad threw away a little autograph book of mine with all my friends' signatures in it just because it was kind of worn. Fortunately I got it out of the trash can and I still have it now. It's ten times as special to me now since it's an artifact from my childhood and we've moved away from my childhood home, and I'll probably never see the people who signed it again, though I'm friends with a few of them on Facebook.
Even now, my family still mess with my things all the time. In fact, I keep the washcloth and towel I use for my face in the morning and at night in my bedroom because I know someone will use them and/or move them around if I put them in the bathroom. I don't understand why they think it's okay to mess with things that don't belong to them, especially since they don't like it if someone does it to them.

 

[debym6]

I have learned to not throw away my sons things. As to me it's just as easy to take them to his desk and let him decide what he wants to keep or toss. As it can vary from day to day. He found a burnt piece of paper and it's stuffed in the closet and if I was to toss it out 1 day he would go looking and he would have a fit.

Now his father on the other hand just walks around throwing out everything. If he see's it as garbage or un needed it is even if you want it. He aggravates me and can set Jake off big time with this. But he cant see why it makes other mad. I tell him how about we just start tossing out your things you leave around and he says well you should know I only have things that are needed (ANGER) is what I feel so I can only imagine what it does to our son.

 

[Serendipity]

I hate it when people touch my things without asking. Like other people have said, it's just common courtesy to ask someone before doing anything with their belongings. It drives me up the wall when other people don't have the decency to ask.

 

[The Penguin]

I remember I was away one weekend and when I came home, stuff was moved in my room. My foster mother let kids play video games in my room. I was very pissed they did so without asking permission. They mine games and I paid for them!

 

[Hidden]

Darn that's so irritating!! The same thing happened with me: we recently shifted house and I've finally found a quiet study space in the storage room. Then my freaking siblings found it, filled it with their trash like toys, phone chargers, wrappers while messing up my books and everything!! I was screaming mad, is it too much to ask to be able to study alone in peace???1!!