Drama...?

[Galaxy Freeze]

Hey everyone, sorry I've been gone a while. I've been busy with school and I haven't felt like going on here in a while. But here I am! Yay.

That's beside the point. I decided to make this post because I've been dealing with a lot of... drama! Hooray, everybody loves drama. Drama with a friend to be exact. If you want to call this drama, I don't know. More like a quandary within myself.

You see, I have a friend who is easily stressed out, she's a serious overachiever and she puts waaaaay too much pressure on herself. This causes her to be very crabby around her friends (us) most days.
The problem is that it seems that about half the time I try to talk to her, she snaps in my face and says something rude or says it in an extremely exasperated tone. She knows about my condition and my sensitivity (physically AND emotionally), yet she seems to snap at ME the most, even when I'm just saying "hi" to her. It really does hurt my feelings, even just a little scowl after I wave to her in the mornings ruins my whole day. I can't help that it hurts me so much, I can't tell if she's angry at me or if she's with me or against me. It's really frustrating and it's been happening all year, I don't want to put up with this any longer. Not to mention she never answers my questions most of the time when I need her help.

I can't help but just sit back and think, "Wow, I don't understand. What have I ever done to YOU? I'm always nice to you, am I annoying?" I guess saying "hi" to someone is considered annoying (in her eyes). I don't even know if I like her or not anymore.

I've been trying not to talk to her for a while now, but then it just creates confusion with the others... I can't talk to my other friends without talking to her (because it's a group and that's hard to do), but I am risking being hurt on the inside.

Have any of you been in a similar situation? If so, how did you handle it? (If you want to help me out a little...)

 

[Spinning Compass]

That's a tough call, when it is a friend. Or is she a friend? I'm sure that's what you must be wondering, I'd be wondering too.

I am sure deep down inside that she realizes that she is not treating others decently but she is under the control of an emotional hijack right now (love that term--picked it up at a conference I went to recently). She literally can't think straight because of the stress. Unfortunately there is nothing that you or anyone else can really do for her at this point because she is not receptive.

You don't say if this is a long-standing friendship or if she has always been this way to you and to others. If she has always been this way maybe it's time to rethink the friendship. It's ok to walk away. It took me a long time to realize that not everyone is a true friend and to not cling to relationships that are clearly bad for me.

I feel sorry for her because I know what stress is and what it does and she is not only going to drive everyone away from her, she runs a very real risk of serious diseases. Stress can and will shorten your life. And it won't do it in nice clean ways either. She clearly needs help. But unless she is at danger of hurting herself or someone else, if she is an adult there isn't much one can do. What do your other friends say about this situation? Are they ok with it or just seem to be ok with it?

If this is a school situation maybe there is someone at the school you can talk to about this. Or if it is a work situation some employers have employee assistance plans. Maybe you can talk to your supervisor and ask him or her what to do. Because a good supervisor won't want that kind of drama in the workplace. But it doesn't sound like a workplace situation to me.

Good luck.

 

[Galaxy Freeze]

Well, I've known her for about two years (school years)... We're just in high school.

I've talked with some of my other friends, there have been a few that agree with me, but they seem to just be okay with it.

You brought up some good points, I appreciate your advice, thanks!

 

[Arashi222]

Do you have her number maybe making a point to have some time together alone so you can share you're thoughts. Especially since she does know about your stuff. Maybe even just pulling her aside saying can we talk for a minute in a mild tone. Maybe she has some of her own issues and just relaying that to her that you've noticed how stressed she is but that her tone that she uses with you bothers you a lot. Maybe letting her know gently that you really don't know where you stand with her when she snaps at you like...give her an example maybe? I don't know I've had my own friend troubles lately but maybe just giving her the opportunity to talk to her. Good luck just know we're all here for you if you need us!

 

[Kelly]

Do you know what it is that's stressing her out? Has she always been this way or is this a recent change in behaviour (or has it become more extreme?). Has anything happened in her personal life that's made her react this way?

I know people deal with stress in different ways and it's perfectly understandable that she may snap now and again but to be constantly snapping at you is not nice and either that's her typical personality in which case I'd seriously consider walking away because you don't need someone like that bringing you down. Or if it is all down to stress then perhaps talk to her and tell her that she really needs to find a way to unload all that stress in a way that's not so damaging to your friendship. Make it very clear to her just how much she's upsetting you, she may not even realise how mean she's being.

I think maybe an email or letter would be best because then she can't interrupt you or anything you can say everything you need to in your own time and can really think about how to word things wheras face to face it may come out wrongly or she may come up with excuses that stop you saying everything you want to.

Good luck

 

[Bay]

Do you know what it is that's stressing her out? Has she always been this way or is this a recent change in behaviour (or has it become more extreme?). Has anything happened in her personal life that's made her react this way?

I know people deal with stress in different ways and it's perfectly understandable that she may snap now and again but to be constantly snapping at you is not nice and either that's her typical personality in which case I'd seriously consider walking away because you don't need someone like that bringing you down. Or if it is all down to stress then perhaps talk to her and tell her that she really needs to find a way to unload all that stress in a way that's not so damaging to your friendship. Make it very clear to her just how much she's upsetting you, she may not even realise how mean she's being.

I think maybe an email or letter would be best because then she can't interrupt you or anything you can say everything you need to in your own time and can really think about how to word things wheras face to face it may come out wrongly or she may come up with excuses that stop you saying everything you want to.

Good luck

. I agree with Kelly that you do not need this sort of "friendship" and that walking away is an option worth considering. That is sometimes difficult to do in a closed community like high school, however. In high school, the way that friendship groups form, walking away from one friend can sometimes mean walking away from all of your friends, and that may mean losing an important support system. Perhaps you can put some distance between yourself and the grouchy person, while maintaining your friendships with the others. It doesn't sound as though she is coping well with stress, and that can bring you down too, not to mention hurting your feelings, as you know. Hopefully her mood will pass. Although you may never be best friends, at least you will be safe from being so hurt.