Dying of loneliness

[Kayla55]

Aside from my memory becoming worse and for first time in my life I return home to check I really did lock the door, and forgetting laundry 3x and having to check.
I'm just laying on couch trying to watch TV but nothing that gets my attention, so I switch off. My hands feeling a bit better but last week I forgot my calc-mag and was aching in my bones. But my heart feels so empty, I know when I was younger it seemed to matter less that I choose to be alone as it was better this way. But I feel so alone.

When I was younger at first I thought he was nice, but after a while whatever he did was hollow, the more he opened his mouth the less interested I became. But I never wanted to be rude enough to say it, so I'd quietly walk away ànd leave.
Getting to know someone as a young girl was thus very important before dating. But it seemed as time went by I was picked by all wrong guys and would watch other girls on dates talking and laughing and feel I was a miss, that I just couldn't relate, yet I wanted this idea of a boyfriend.
I am lonely but my experience in compromising has taught me not to waste my time being unhappy.
Anyone else feel this way about dating.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Yeah, totally. I would love to find someone who cares what I think and I can really talk with, but that seems pretty remote at this point. My experience/expectation with relationships is that I will have to deal with/manager their emotions. Not that everyone is like this.

That said, I'm pretty happy on my own. And I like having good friends. If I meet someone who I'm really compelled to be with, then I won't fight that. Because that would be stupid. But, I don't look for relationships anymore. I'd rather really know someone first and see what happens. I feel this is a better approach for actual commitment. It's too easy to find people who are just in love with falling in love.

But my heart feels so empty, I know when I was younger it seemed to matter less that I choose to be alone as it was better this way. But I feel so alone.

I've felt this way too, and I'm not entirely sure why. I think it's because I got some enjoyable social activity in school and with friends there. But, I still had plenty of alone time. Now, my energy is largely spent at work, with interactions I don't really enjoy. So even though I want other, better interactions, I have less energy for them. Then I feel exhausted and lonely.

 

[Kayla55]

Am I wrong....
My NT son doesn't have listening skills, sometimes I get tired of putting my hand on his shoulder and asking is there a particular reason you don't want to help with tidy up and pack away.
The other day I raised my voice to get his attention and had to be very clear and direct before he listened to my aery explanation that faded away into distance and never sinks in.
I'm unhappy living like having to talk to people this way, I believe at point if someone doesn't listen leave them, the horse will drink when it's ready, but he's my son I can't do this.
My dad agreed to spend more time but he's quite a drive away with petrol price. And I don't mean go fishing this time, like teach him guy stuff cause I don't understand him and can't relate and I'm not keen on diversity because of this.
I've done over 10 years hard housework and I have never being too good to help clean myself but I'm sick of wasting my life cleaning away as if I have no other purpose due to my ex. He has made me so negative, I'm in a really bad state Steven because I should have put my foot down with this a long time ago before it reached this point. I'm tired of switching the TV off and saying guess why? And game playing...spend hours without first cleaning their rooms and I'm tired of saying it, my asd son was very tidy but he sees brother Nd is now doing same.
I don't have structure to train rats, so if they don't respond I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm not rubbing my undiagnosed success in my father's face but the father is unemployed since we got divorced and I'm not bossy but I feel like a doormat and my father can't seem to understand why a

 

[Aspychata]

Life left you with everything of the broken mess aftermath of a relationship. If you can find a passion to keep you moving thru life, that might help. Can you cultivate a friend that you can do some things together with. My friend in LA was left by her ex, went thru a divorce and raised a son who is struggling to find a job despite the excellent school he went to. She works way to much overtime, but l try to cheer her up. She does hang with a friend from work and that helps a lot. She has complained about being lonely, however she will not let a guy live with her, because she felt he was to controlling. So she has decided being single is better, and to hang with friends and get support from those single woman like her.

.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Feeling lonely at times comes with life. And it sounds like you feel disrespected by your sons (teens?). It may not be too late to expect some responsibility/cooperation from them as their contribution for living in your household. Yes, that will require more work from you initially and you seem close to burnout.

 

[SusanLR]

But, I don't look for relationships anymore. I'd rather really know someone first and see what happens. I feel this is a better approach for actual commitment. It's too easy to find people who are just in love with falling in love.

Says it all.
I think growing older and gaining wisdom from life experiences have brought me to this conclusion.

I live with a companion, but it is not romantic in any way.
Started more like a business agreement.
I needed a place I could afford to live and he felt lonely as he got older.
His health wasn't the best and he needed a companion.
He is now very ill with lung cancer. Trying chemo and radiation both.
Even though his personality leaves me "sudsy" many times, I won't dessert him now.
He needs someone to be there. As we all do at times.

@Mr. Stevens that can be our personal/public code now... Sudsy.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

^ Thanks for sharing . The sounds like a very tough situation now (emotionally).

@Mr. Stevens that can be our personal/public code now... Sudsy.

I was feeling sudsy yesterday. It is sure to be a sudsy week.

 

[ithinktheniexist]

Aside from my memory becoming worse and for first time in my life I return home to check I really did lock the door, and forgetting laundry 3x and having to check.
I'm just laying on couch trying to watch TV but nothing that gets my attention, so I switch off. My hands feeling a bit better but last week I forgot my calc-mag and was aching in my bones. But my heart feels so empty, I know when I was younger it seemed to matter less that I choose to be alone as it was better this way. But I feel so alone.

When I was younger at first I thought he was nice, but after a while whatever he did was hollow, the more he opened his mouth the less interested I became. But I never wanted to be rude enough to say it, so I'd quietly walk away ànd leave.
Getting to know someone as a young girl was thus very important before dating. But it seemed as time went by I was picked by all wrong guys and would watch other girls on dates talking and laughing and feel I was a miss, that I just couldn't relate, yet I wanted this idea of a boyfriend.
I am lonely but my experience in compromising has taught me not to waste my time being unhappy.
Anyone else feel this way about dating.

I have the same feeling. For a while I try to devote my energy to series, but when the series end the feeling of emptiness come up again, and no other thing interest me. I just watch the same series again and again and hope I find something else interesting before i get bored of it.

I never really compromise in dating and people leave me eventually, that also suck. The loneliness is not as bad as the sudden change.

 

[Kayla55]

I have the same feeling. For a while I try to devote my energy to series, but when the series end the feeling of emptiness come up again, and no other thing interest me. I just watch the same series again and again and hope I find something else interesting before i get bored of it.

I never really compromise in dating and people leave me eventually, that also suck. The loneliness is not as bad as the sudden change.

NT people will only ever be self centred organisms whereas everything revolves around what, when and how it suits them.
I'm tired of adapted survival techniques centred around what they believe is right, I'm tired of being sexually harassed as if this is what we all like.
I'm tired of them at work, if I could put like a master's degree requirement on their qualifying to educate or work then I would, then I'd never leave work feeling ashamed because I know I work and am still contributing to a system and they fail to see they could never have designed these things.
Higher elevation costs patience, but that too runs dry.

 

[AspieChris]

Dating is miserable. Most NT’s are more interested in finding Mr or Ms “right now”. It’s a bit like looking for love at a bar, then also wanting someone who doesn’t drink alcohol. It helps to have a career or hobby that exposes one to plenty of people so that the right person is already in your life when you’re ready.

I know it really won’t make anybody feel any better but what’s worse than loneliness? Desperately trying to make a relationship work with the wrong person while the right one is wishing they could have found you when you were single.

My 2 cents: Less television and social media. More sunshine and fresh air. Until you find the right person…. then plenty of sitting on the couch together and falling asleep in front of a screen.