Easier to get on with the opposite sex

[inabox]

I have noticed something which I would like to know if anyone else has noticed the same.
I am female and find it far easier to understand, communicate , get on with etc males (aspie and nt) and always have. All the male aspies I've come across have found the same but about females.

 

[Veggie87]

I can ONLY get along with males too. All my best friends were males. I think in a way they would see my shyness and awkwardness as cute or flirtatious so they would be extra nice.... At least that's how I remember my middle school years

 

[The Penguin]

I tend to find it easier for me to talk to females. I don't connect well with most males

 

[wyverary]

This thread was custom-made for me, I think.

I get along well enough with both genders (I am biologically male, but consider myself gender-fluid), but when it comes to friendships, there is no doubt that my closest, most intimate friends have been females. Honestly, I don't even know if it's a gender thing or just the particular people I have come across in my life; but, of the friends I have, I get along great with some of my male friends, but I feel like my friendships with females are much more emotionally deep and intimate. (For the record, I also identify as Aromantic/Asexual.) The females I have encountered seem to be more receptive to my emotional interests, and I suppose I am much more "in touch with my feminine side" than a good deal of males that I meet. No doubt this is in part a cultural thing, and I don't doubt that if things improve in that regard (i.e. when it comes to mental illness, to conveying the emotions one is feeling, etc.) that I could easily start connecting more with males. As it stands, though, and I really hate to generalize, but based on my own personal experience, I am far more comfortable being around and sharing my thoughts and emotions with females.

As I said, I hope that as a culture we can greatly improve upon that. Until then, I much prefer being around more feminine personalities.

 

[pushpin]

Totally. Males. For as long as I can remember. My first best friend, my first group of friends; etc, always been the one girl in the group. It really is just easier for me.

 

[On the Inside]

Yes, true for me. This was not the case for me in my teens and early twenties though. That was when my most intense interests were bike racing, soccer and alpine skiing. All my friends were male then and shared my interests. I had absolutely no time for females, even if they were interested in biking and skiing. They would have just been a distraction, I was a bit asexual then.

Once I hit my mid twenties though, that all changed. I got into art and design and found out that I really was into hanging out with women, not sexually though, I just found it easier to connect and engage with women. I still had way too much social anxiety to ask anyone out, though, so I kind of missed out on getting to know more than two or three women on a more intimate level. Those two or three had to make the first move.

 

[King_Oni]

I seem to at least make easier contact with females than males. Perhaps it's that masculine types in general can't connect with me most of the time. At least if I look at men and masculinity, I could see why I'm weird in from their perspective. And the ones that were those overly masculine types often had something weird going on; like a co-worker, who by all means was a stereotypical guy (genderwise), but he'd been in prison... maybe he found that I was one of the least judgmental ones around and he found that at least he had someone to converse with in breaks every once in a while. And the list of "odd ones" goes on like that. I often feel like the gateway to such people, lol.

However, I do have a few male friends, but I guess mileage may vary how "masculine" they are. Most of them probably are the same type of people like me that would drive away masculine guys.

Online, most of the people I chat/mail with are female, to which I must add, I'm not keeping in touch with for the perspective of dating. I found that for me when dating is involved it feels like a different dynamic than why I have going on with my friends (regardless of gender).

Though even in school; while I didn't have many friends, I always ended up with the weird girls/women in school as friends, despite I surely wasn't the only guy who was, perhaps a bit odd. Perhaps in a group of odd people I am the alpha, lol.

So, absolutely more female than male friends, why exactly... the above might be among the reasons, but it's still a guess

 

[On the Inside]

maybe he found that I was one of the least judgmental ones around and he found that at least he had someone to converse with in breaks every once in a while. And the list of "odd ones" goes on like that. I often feel like the gateway to such people, lol.

That seems to be how I get my male friends as well. Being non-judgmental attracts those who might otherwise be judged. I've had a lot of odd guy friends. Come to think about it, the gals have been odd too.

 

[Ste11aeres]

It depends on the person. My best friend is a male (I'm female) but there are also lots of men that I'm uncomfortable with.
I don't have any female friends, but there have been some women in the past that I was close to.
So it depends on the person.

 

[pushpin]

That seems to be how I get my male friends as well. Being non-judgmental attracts those who might otherwise be judged. I've had a lot of odd guy friends. Come to think about it, the gals have been odd too.

Come to think of it, I would say all my friends would be placed in some sort of "odd" camp. My friends who weren't born male have either transitioned to males or are lesbians or gender-fluid (none of this is odd to me, but it is outside the stereotypical "norm"). And everyone I've been friends with and am friends with have dealt with their fair share of bullying, etc.

 

[2205]

I'm female and although people who I consider my 'friends' are mostly female, in random social situations I seem to get along with males more easily. For example in working situation or talking to strangers, then I feel more comfortable with men.

Maybe related to this topic, I've been recently thinking that maybe I have some kind of issue with romantic relationships because of this comfortable zone with males. I just don't have any. When talking to a man, I hardly ever see them as sexual beings... Or maybe I just don't see myself as a sexual being most of the time. But when I do sometimes, and when a man comes to talk to me, it all feels so superficial and I instantly think it's just a social norm and politeness that he talks to me (at a party for example), and that he's not actually interested in me.

But in general I've noticed that no matter if male or female, it's easier for me to get on with people who don't fall in genre extremes, like very masculine or very feminine. I feel pretty uncomfortable with both, men and women, who are natural 'alphas'.

 

[Harrison]

My friends fall into two categories, females and gays (male and female). I have no hetero male friends, although I do have some work colleagues and associates in that group.

 

[Nadador]

I've always got on much better with males. I do have a small handful of female friends, but with only one exception, it's because we have very specific interests in common. The exception is a girl who feels very much like a daughter to me, in some respects...and in others, like an extension of myself.

To be honest, I can't fathom most women, and find it difficult to stay interested in conversation. We just don't tend to have much to talk about. It's fair to say I've done better with women on AC than I ever have in my life at home. Still working out why, exactly. Nonconformity to social norms is probably the answer.

 

[grapesicles]

Always. So much judgement though.

However I feel it becomes really difficult as you get older - friends get married or in more serious relationships, and the whole jealousy issue from their partner is so common. I've lost one good friend because of this (she 'demanded' he delete me from his phone, social media sites, & never speak to me again because she felt threatened..even though I was in a good relationship with someone else at the time), and one friend has recently got married and suddenly I barely hear from him, not sure why.

I'd really love to have more female friends to even it out! It's just so hard to find any other females I get on with and that aren't scared off, weird because I have several typically 'feminine' interests. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of potential life experiences, and scared that as I get older it will seem more inappropriate to hang around with guys all the time and I will have almost no friends.

 

[Suzanne]

I used to feel this way and still find that when I meet couples, I gravitate to the male over the female, easily, but I do not find this comfortable, since I am married and have a trouble with fidelity and so, have to be very careful.

Of late though, I am finding that men are winding me up with how chauvinist they can be ( which has never caused me an issue in the past). And there are some females I know, who are very sweet and we get on really well. But that is because they are not your average female ie not into doing the make up and nails and hair and talking about silly things; but they are quick to laugh loudly and makes me feel not so inferior, because that is the issue, I feel inferior around my own sex!

 

[Spiller]

The females I have encountered seem to be more receptive to my emotional interests, and I suppose I am much more "in touch with my feminine side" than a good deal of males that I meet.

This! I find women more interesting to talk to as female conversation revolves around emotional issues men can't seem to open up to in themselves.. male insecurity?

 

[inabox]

Hmmm, it seems im not alone on this one. (finding the opposite more bearable, or easier to get on with, nicer, etc.) I think one of the reasons why females annoy me is , as Suzanne said, females are often into hair, makeup and that kind of stuff, which i am not the least bit interested in. I agree that if i'm going somewhere important and i need to look like i have made an effort, i will spend a few minutes extra on looking good, but thats it and I'm not under-exaggerating, it is literally a few minutes extra. I just think that there's more to life, including a hell of a lot of more important things to take up my time (and money) than makeup, worrying about which hair accessory to buy, etc. By the way, I'm not at all an unkempt person, I just don't spend excessive time on these things. So that's what puts me off spending time with most females. Plus, if anyone is going to be judgemental and assume I'm a strange fruitloop they should avoid, chances are it will be a female. Aspie females are, in my experience different from that though. But most people I get on with are still males because I haven't met many female aspies to get to know.
This is my THEORY: Maybe this is all because if an NT male approaches an aspie male, they will PROBABLY think the aspie is weird because they are not like themselves, so then the aspie will be around females more happily as the females wouldn't expect the aspie male to be exactly like them anyway (although if they are, I've heard that the females think this is fine). And the vice-versa for female aspies USUALLY preferring the company of males. That's my interpretation on it.

 

[Spiller]

I think one of the reasons why females annoy me is , as Suzanne said, females are often into hair, makeup and that kind of stuff, which i am not the least bit interested in. I agree that if i'm going somewhere important and i need to look like i have made an effort, i will spend a few minutes extra on looking good, but thats it

the aspie will be around females more happily as the females wouldn't expect the aspie male to be exactly like them anyway (although if they are, I've heard that the females think this is fine).

I actually prefer women who don't spend hours plastering on product myself; as you say inabox, much better things to do.. I can't stand those huge false eyelashes.. how do they keep their eyes open all day without getting tired? Can they see the sky at all?
Depending on their background, I suppose, I find I'm generally not viewed as threatening, though this has its good and bad sides.. I've been told that women have often assumed I'm gay as I talk about my emotions.. damn it

 

[epath13]

Most of my pals used to be males. My best friend (at least that's what I thought we were), after I broke up with my female one, was a guy. And then, after I got married, they just disappeared out of my life. So yeah... why would that be :/ whatever. Nowadays, most of my old friends disappeared out of my life for one reason or another. So yeah, I had lots of fun hanging out with guys, unfortunately it all ended when a guy became attracted to me . Sometimes we would hang out regardless and continued being friends... and sometimes it didn't end up so well, some thought I was playing them... now, all those games don't matter anymore...

 

[inabox]

I actually prefer women who don't spend hours plastering on product myself; as you say inabox, much better things to do.. I can't stand those huge false eyelashes.. how do they keep their eyes open all day without getting tired? Can they see the sky at all?
Depending on their background, I suppose, I find I'm generally not viewed as threatening, though this has its good and bad sides.. I've been told that women have often assumed I'm gay as I talk about my emotions.. damn it

I'd say these women who think you might be gay are a little narrow/closed minded to be making that assumption just based on you talking about your emotions.