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Elevator ride.......

Aspychata

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
Sometimes my life feels like a elevator ride. Some people get on and stay lifelong friends, and others barely get past one floor. There is no blame, no this or that, just connections, some deeper then others based on random events we have no control over. It's this haphazard life that creates worry in my mind, when l want so much order. And then anxiety decides to ride my elevator when it probably shouldn't be there.
What do you think about those who filter thru your life? Open to seeing how others conceptualize those who flirt with us.
I am always trying to find the periodic table, the schematic, the written instructions, when there is nothing to reference but pure randomness, the Bermuda triangle, the worm hole. I am sure a great philosopher beat me to this. I think l have a severe problem with the randomness of life. It feels like ...........
 
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Aspychata said:
Sometimes my life feels like a elevator ride. Some people get on and stay lifelong friends, and others barely get past one floor. There is no blame, no this or that, just connections, some deeper then others based on random events we have no control over. It's this haphazard life that creates worry in my mind, when l want so much order. And then anxiety decides to ride my elevator when it probably shouldn't be there.
What do you think about those who filter thru your life? Open to seeing how others conceptualize those who flirt with us.
I am always trying to find the periodic table, the schematic, the written instructions, when there is nothing to reference but pure randomness, the Bermuda triangle, the worm hole randomness. I am sure a great philosopher beat me to this. I think l have a severe problem with the randomness of life. It feels like ...........
Click to expand...
… It feels like a blizzard. You know where you need to go but the path is full of obstacles and dangers you can’t see until they’re right on top of you. Every sense is assaulted as you try to feel your way through, buffeted you as you try to stay on track. With luck and determination, you may get to the barn. Many don’t.

I guess it would be different if you knew you were autistic.
 
Magna said:
I thought the title of this thread was some sort of sexual innuendo...
Click to expand...

I am not opposed to using click bait. Lol
I need to get those autistic peeps talking about randomness. This randomness has no recognition in our life. It's so hard to make peace with. It's a Woody Allen rubic puzzle for me. It's okay, l don't judge. Your bad, my good. Its a great question. Half of us see it as randomness. The other half sees it as fate. I am trying to get a conversation started.
 
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Randomness and unpredictability, in my opinion, tends to explain the anxieties surrounding our social and communication difficulties. I think it is part of the autistic experience. Now, you can just accept it as it is and just roll with it, knowing that it is one of those things in life you can't change, or, you can let your anxieties get the better of you and cause you to withdrawal. How are you going to handle life and daily stress? Can you be stimulated by the randomness and unpredictability in a way that keeps you "alert" and "alive" in a good way, or are you going to restrict and try to control every aspect of your life, which can be just as mentally exhausting, and create a depressive state of mind?

People come and go. A regular revolving door of people. I don't know what came first, the chicken or the egg, the lack of bonding with people or people just coming and going. At this point in my life, at best, I have friendly acquaintances, but no true friends. Those people in my life now with also leave and be replaced with others. I don't give it much thought anymore.

Personally, I have accepted the fact that I do not and will not understand human behaviors, at least not in the moment. I can't change that. On the other hand, I would rather have my life and environment organized, planned for, neat, clean, and tidy. I do have some control over myself and my environment.

I do get frustrated with my wife sometimes because I will have a very detailed plan in my head, and perhaps, because I don't communicate with her effectively, she assumes that I haven't planned, and at the very last moment she comes up with alternate plans. It's these moments that cause me to get quite flustered and angry. For years we would go through this scenario, but now, knowing what is going on and why, I tend to stick to my plan despite her protests. I know, that isn't good, either, but in the moment, the stress of her wanting to change my mind at the very last moment just causes me to go into a "shutdown" mode and push forward. Not a "healthy" response, but it is better than me yelling at her out of frustration.
 
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See after reading @Neonatal RRT
We do have issues with randomness. We need to discuss this as a tribe. It's the core of all our issues. Let's call this out, and discuss it. I want my life very orderly. But it will never happen. How can we make peace with this????
 
I tend to be thankful for the connection and think back on the memories. We have our own path, moving into our own darkness, anyway. But, it's nice to think back. I also know I'm not the person I was then, and the split connections opened me to new directions.
 
Randomness to me is statistical uncertainty. I understand uncertainty. My life has always been uncertain and the best I have been able to do is to find the central tendency, which, in itself contains some uncertainty. There is only one inescapable certainty, that at some point I will cease to exist.
 
Aspychata said:
See after reading @Neonatal RRT
We do have issues with randomness. We need to discuss this as a tribe. It's the core of all our issues. Let's call this out, and discuss it. I want my life very orderly. But it will never happen. How can we make peace with this????
Click to expand...
...it feels like a tornado sometimes. I have tried to figure out why I need structure (Lack of randomness) so much more than NTs. The best understanding I have so far for a significant amount of stress I endure with unexpected change is a result of processing differences found among those on the spectrum. From what I understand, many people with autism have slower processing than NTs with NEW information (While ASDs generally have a better long-term memory processing). It is like NTs have computers with larger CPUs and I have an older, slower computer with a much smaller CPU that crashes with too much new input. Whether it is a social situation, learning a new skill, environmental stimuli, etc., it overloads my processing capability until I have had time to work through how to deal with the change, transition, experience, etc. With more structure, I do much better because I've already figured out (processed) the situation, expectations, etc. and my CPU can keep up with the tasks at hand.
 
Some people are main characters in the book of my life. Others are only meant to be a chapter. I don’t know which is which until the chapter ends.
 
Looking back on my life, I can certainly identify all those seemingly random events that shaped me in significant ways. Growing up, I deplored structure and as such do not remember ever liking school in all its various forms. Was there some angst and existential dread for short moments of time interspersed throughout my life? Sure there was, but I rode them out like someone surfing a wave to the safety of the shore.

A strange thing about that, for which I have no satisfactory answer (as I do not believe in fate), is that those waves always led me to something better. I have seemingly had more than my share of fantastic luck (even if I am still waiting to win the lottery ;)).

Oops, maybe I already did, just not a monetary one?
 
I know a lot of comets. People who are around for a period and then disappear for a while, then might get in touch six months, a year or a few years later. Some are nomad types who are physically not around for half the year for work or other reasons.
 
Aspychata said:
Sometimes my life feels like a elevator ride. Some people get on and stay lifelong friends, and others barely get past one floor. There is no blame, no this or that, just connections, some deeper then others based on random events we have no control over. It's this haphazard life that creates worry in my mind, when l want so much order. And then anxiety decides to ride my elevator when it probably shouldn't be there.
What do you think about those who filter thru your life? Open to seeing how others conceptualize those who flirt with us.
I am always trying to find the periodic table, the schematic, the written instructions, when there is nothing to reference but pure randomness, the Bermuda triangle, the worm hole. I am sure a great philosopher beat me to this. I think l have a severe problem with the randomness of life. It feels like ...........
Click to expand...
I accept in advance that everything in life is temporary, whether or not I want it to be. Further, I am just as temporary in other people's lives as they are in mine.

I was lucky to land a wife who stuck around and then we had children. But even children are temporary and may fly away as soon as they can leave the nest.

For everything that enters your life just remember, "This too shall pass away." I find that acceptance very comforting
 
@Au Naturel
I still want order in a chaotic world. I am wired for consistency and regularity with every aspect of life. I want a Sims world, where every outcome is dictated by software, there is no violence, no drama. I am just a cog, you are a cog, we are united. A simple utopia.
 
Aspychata said:
@Au Naturel
I still want order in a chaotic world. I am wired for consistency and regularity with every aspect of life. I want a Sims world, where every outcome is dictated by software, there is no violence, no drama. I am just a cog, you are a cog, we are united. A simple utopia.
Click to expand...
There'd be no point in living. Why read the book if you already know every line?
 
Au Naturel said:
There'd be no point in living. Why read the book if you already know every line?
Click to expand...

Because l am autistic. That's why silly guy. Why would you even ask that? It's okay. I forgive you. Repetition and knowing the outcome is how l function, maybe l am just a tab more autistic then you, which means a little lower functioning?
It's sad when you have to come to a forum to know where you rate. (Sad face, moaning in background).
 
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