Embarrassed in public

[Markness]

A friend made me attend a Magic: The Gathering card game night with him. Before we went in, we picked up food from Panda Express and ate when we sat at a table. A stranger from out of nowhere approached me from behind and asked “What did you get me from Panda Express?” then leaned in towards me. I didn’t know what to say besides making some “Um…” and “Oh…” sounds and she kept staring at me for maybe 10 or so seconds until she said “That’s the best answer I’ve ever heard.” before imitating my stutter. I felt embarrassed by what happened.

 

[Rodafina]

“That’s the best answer I’ve ever heard.”

Her behavior is odd and this quote suggests that she just goes around trying to get a reaction out of people.

It seems like maybe she gets a kick out of making people feel weird and awkward and she thinks she’s funny. I think many people, myself included would’ve said something like “um…oh” in that situation.

Don’t sweat it.

 

[Sherlock77]

That just sounds like someone making a joke, they weren't serious about it

I've been known to say similar things, although it's best to only do that with people you know well

 

[Judge]

I've seen that scenario a number of times in my life. A total stranger approaches you saying, "Ooooooo...what did you get ME?"

Dumb, but people do it. Sometimes just to be social. (No, don't try to analyze it.)

Not to be taken seriously...unless they try to grab some of your grub. At that point then you need to give them the pointed end of your fork.

 

[Au Naturel]

That's just weird. Sounds like she was trying to very aggressively mooch off you, hoping you'd give her some of your food.

 

[Hypnalis]

You were approached by a woman and missed your cue.

It's is nothing to be concerned about. Everybody makes such mistakes now and then. It's more likely to happen to us of course, but that's something we just need to accept and work on.

FWIW, given that it was an MTG game night, it's not impossible she's one of us, and messed up her second attempt.
It's also possible she's just an AH, but the initial approach suggests otherwise.

BTW - this wasn't a great loss. It's extremely unlikely you missed out on a chat with a potential life-partner.

 

[tree]

A friend made me attend a Magic: The Gathering card game night with him.

Did he actually kidnap you?
Force you in handcuffs, by blackmail or other threat to your well being?

Your description gives the impression that you felt like a victim more
than a guest.

The embarrassment doesn't have to be a permanent fixture.
A person asked what food you got. Playful question.
And a playful followup to your surprised response.

Spoiler

Misery making non-rational idea #2: One absolutely must be competent, adequate and achieving in all important respects or else one is an inadequate, worthless person. ( from the book, A Guide to Rational Living, by Harper & Ellis. )

Clinging to the encounter isn't necessary.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

A friend made me attend a Magic: The Gathering card game night with him. Before we went in, we picked up food from Panda Express and ate when we sat at a table. A stranger from out of nowhere approached me from behind and asked “What did you get me from Panda Express?” then leaned in towards me. I didn’t know what to say besides making some “Um…” and “Oh…” sounds and she kept staring at me for maybe 10 or so seconds until she said “That’s the best answer I’ve ever heard.” before imitating my stutter. I felt embarrassed by what happened.

That is so stupid..
Because she was the stupid one. Why?? Because she shows how prejudice and disgusting her soul is to react that way. She should really be compassionate on people who struggle verbally. She sounds immature saying that. You were the smart one. But it is only natural people can pick on autistics and it is so wrong. It can make us fer hurt and sensitive.
I feel your pain

 

[Masked Man]

That is so stupid..
Because she was the stupid one. Why?? Because she shows how prejudice and disgusting her soul is to react that way. She should really be compassionate on people who struggle verbally. She sounds immature saying that. You were the smart one. But it is only natural people can pick on autistics and it is so wrong. It can make us fer hurt and sensitive.
I feel your pain

I agree in general with this sentiment, people can indeed be mean-spirited, however, in this case, she would not have known that he is affected by autism. I like to refer to Hanlon's razor: never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity.

It's likely she was just trying to make a joke and be funny. Markness didn't react the way she expected, so, in turn, she also did not know how to react, so she said something dumb.

These types of behavior are difficult because they require quick thinking, something not everyone is capable of doing. Best not to worry about it, no one is thinking about these tiny moments of embarrassment. It's quickly forgotten by the other person.

 

[Forest Cat]

Don't feel bad, she was kidding and it can be difficult to quickly come up with a smooth talking answer to such an unexpected question from a stranger.

 

[Judge]

Don't feel bad, she was kidding and it can be difficult to quickly come up with a smooth talking answer to such an unexpected question from a stranger.

Agreed. If anything this scenario just reflects the neurological gap between NTs and NDs.

From their perspective it was a harmless gesture of meaningless socialization- and humor. Not intended to startle or upset autistic people with individual social deficits. The sort of things that are likely impossible for them to pick up on in real time in interacting with a total stranger, whether autistic or not. They simply aren't likely to even consider such an outcome. Just another example of how different they can be from us, and how easily we can misunderstand their real intent.

Take it as a learning opportunity. That the next time something like that happens (and it will) just shrug it off with a smile or laugh to acknowledge them. You need not say anything more, unless for whatever reason (or none at all) they simply want to communicate with you. Indeed, it is not our way, but it very much theirs. Keeping abreast above all of the numbers. That there are vastly many more of them than us, and in most cases it won't even occur to them to consider other humans with different thought process and ways (or lack thereof) to communicate.

 

[Forest Cat]

From their perspective it was a harmless gesture of meaningless socialization- and humor.

Yeah I was thinking that maybe Markness should try to look at it like she did approach him and started a conversation. And try to see that as something positive.

 

[Judge]

Yeah I was thinking that maybe Markness should try to look at it like she did approach him and started a conversation. And try to see that as something positive.

True. If anything just "practice" in a random social encounter with little likelihood of consequences.

Like simply responding with something like, "Yeah their food is tasty!"

Reminds me of that phrase, "Making lemonade from lemons". -Turn it into something positive.

 

[Masked Man]

This has happened to me in the past (or something similar anyway).

In response to the question, I grabbed something off my tray. In this case, I grabbed my fork and said "I got you a fork!"

It was dumb but it just showed I was trying to play along.

 

[tazz]

A lot of people get caught out with unexpected approaches like that. Even the most socially confident people might utter something embarrassing or fail to find a witty response in time and just look lost. So I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Also, being embarrassed by my behaviour is something I've been working on recently. It emerged from trying to understand my social anxiety.

I rehearse social situations a lot. It's debilitating. I realised it's because in the past, from a young age, my behaviour was viewed as odd. Naturally if I'm being laughed at or pointed at I find it embarrassing. So I started being anxious about social situations. And responded by rehearsing so I could socialise without looking odd.

Recently I've experimented with walking into social situations cold, without rehearsing and getting my brain warmed up beforehand, and my behaviour is quite different. I come across as socially and physically clumsy and awkward. I still find it embarrassing, but I'm trying to shake that off so that I have more of a choice - if I'm going to a social event where the outcome is important to me I might mask, like a lot of people do, to make a good impression (and heck have I become good at that!) Whereas when I meet a friend for coffee, I want to be able to just walk in cold and look a bit odd and not worry about it, so I can avoid lengthy practice and suffering the anxiety.

For most of my life I've treated every social interaction like a job interview or stage performance.

I have the luxury of being an old fart now. I don't have so much need to mask. Your mileage may vary.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't embarrass myself in public. I just seem to be unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time where an embarrassing situation occurs caused by other people or just brilliant timing. These situations are what has led to my present agoraphobia.

 

[Au Naturel]

I don't think I've been embarrassed in public in decades. If I can be naked on a theater stage in front of a large audience and flub my lines without being embarrassed, there's nothing else that could possibly be worse.