Emotional connection to other people

[Toni]

Today i realised why social situations are so draining for me!
I think myself as a very sensitive person. In social situations i try so hard to connect to other people in emotional level and react to them according, but i´m sometimes inaccurate reading them. It is sometimes hard for me to read what the other people are thinking or feeling and this makes me uneasy because the connection feels broken somehow. If there is someone i don´t like, and i don´t like many people. I don´t even look at them and don´t try to make this connection in my head.
The other day when i was talking to someone who tries to help me in my life situation, stood up and I thought she was going to hug me... good thing i am sometimes slow to react and did not react to that so i avoided awkward situation.
Does anyone understand what im trying to say here? Im not so good with words.

 

[garnetflower13]

I am this way, as well. What I have learned to do is listen to my gut when talking to people even though I sometimes cannot process enough in real time. It is futile for most of us to try to "read" people the way that Nts can do!

 

[DanR]

You've hit it on the head. What you describe is pretty typical for Aspies. Welcome home; you're among friends.

I agree with garnetflower13; it is futile to try to read people (for me, at least). However, I don't attempt to trust my gut anymore. Instead, I try to be pleasant, gracious, forthright, non-assuming, non-confrontational, encouraging, and only about 33% as informational as I'd like to be. When I stick to my 'pleasant' rules, most people seem to like me. People that get to know me (and my idiosyncrasies) and still like me, I consider to be good people. The rest, I can't tell.

And I know that 'broken' sensation within a conversation or relationship. I can't pin it down at all, but something isn't right. I just keep going with my 'pleasant' rules. If they reject me, I chalk it up to Aspergers and get on with my life. If they forgive or 'don't notice,' then they must still like me and I consider them to be good people. Yea!

I like people that 'don't notice' or forgive the bumps in the road.

After people find out my diagnosis, they usually grant me a little more grace, but I prefer to find out who they really are before they know my diagnosis. In a previous job there was this guy that always ... well, I'm sure you know. He finally got right in my face all about his animosity to me, so I told him I'm on the spectrum and that he really shouldn't expect me to act & react the way others do. His face fell. All at once he realized he was the guy that picks on disabled folks. He quit only a few weeks later.

 

[WereBear]

I get in trouble treating people better than they deserve.

I try to be honest and helpful, but if they are not, things are going to get messed up. One of the ways I try to manage my "processing speed" of figuring people out is pull back and wait for them to come out and say/do things.

 

[Kirsty]

If they forgive or 'don't notice,' then they must still like me and I consider them to be good people. Yea!

If they 'don't notice' it could also mean they are not really caring deep down so they choose to ignore passively.

 

[DanR]

If they 'don't notice' it could also mean they are not really caring deep down so they choose to ignore passively.

What I mean is when I do something (without gobs of evidence, I assume it was me) that puts that 'broken' feeling in the conversation/relationship, and the other person chooses to ignore my faux pas, I take that as a sign that it's a gracious person with whom I'm speaking/relating.

My belief/assumption is that if I feel that 'broken' sensation, the NT probably felt it a while ago. If they continue with me, I think I've found a winner!

 

[DanR]

I get in trouble treating people better than they deserve.

Yeah, me too sometimes. There's always that 1 out of 20 or 1 out of 30 that is a real pain. But I'd rather give them the benefit of the doubt until they show their true colors.

 

[biblophile]

Today i realised why social situations are so draining for me!
I think myself as a very sensitive person. In social situations i try so hard to connect to other people in emotional level and react to them according, but i´m sometimes inaccurate reading them. It is sometimes hard for me to read what the other people are thinking or feeling and this makes me uneasy because the connection feels broken somehow. If there is someone i don´t like, and i don´t like many people. I don´t even look at them and don´t try to make this connection in my head.
The other day when i was talking to someone who tries to help me in my life situation, stood up and I thought she was going to hug me... good thing i am sometimes slow to react and did not react to that so i avoided awkward situation.
Does anyone understand what im trying to say here? Im not so good with words.

I understand completely, I find it almost impossible to connect on an emotional, personal level with others. What is harder still, nay impossible is to fake it. When I had a job the stress from trying to fake emotions, (laughter, interest ) was more difficult then the job its self, what's worse is I always fail. I consider myself to be a sensitive person as well which is why I feel guilty for not making the connections that make social intercourse possible. I always feel like it my fault they don't understand me.