Emotional intelligence and maturity

[onlything]

How do you perceive it? How 'emotionally intelligent' do you feel? How 'mature' in an emotional sense?

That's something to consider. What is considered young? What is considered old? Not in a physical sense. Mental, emotional, other. We're called childish - why? We're called little adults - why? I can see it, in a way, but it doesn't mean I fully understand it. And I want to. Is there a general description I have just missed or is it a subjective matter?

At times, I feel like a child lost in the woods. Very small, very lost and very scared. Do you? Is it ASD or emotional/mental cause? Is it due to events, circumstances and hardships? - possibly.

I'd like to hear what you think on this topic.

 

[OrSomething]

If "emotionally intelligent" means being able to control one's emotions, I in the past have been bad at that. I think I'm getting better though, if only because of the relative lack of stressful social situations in my life right now. As for maturity, I'm 19 but I don't feel like an adult. I still feel like a kid.

 

[Ambi]

I don't think emotional intelligence and emotional maturity are the same thing - there may be some overlap, but I think they are distinct. Folks can correct me if I am wrong about that.

 

[Rasendra]

The only thing that makes me feel 'adult' is doing adult type stuff I guess. But then it isn't so much that I feel adult just that I am doing 'grown up' stuff? I don't know lol.

 

[Ambi]

The only thing that makes me feel 'adult' is doing adult type stuff I guess. But then it isn't so much that I feel adult just that I am doing 'grown up' stuff? I don't know lol.

I think having to tackle adult stuff did make me feel more adult and did mature me somewhat. Right now, my new job has also resulted in a new level of adulthood, or at least a sense of it, and it has indeed been accompanied by a sense of growth in emotional maturity (yay!)

 

[kay]

I sometimes feel like a cranky baby or a toddler trying to reach the door knob but can't.

 

[Mia]

Relatively emotionally intelligent, mature as well. Although it's taken many years, experiences, social interaction, life lived. It's likely that I'm consistently ten years behind people of my age, which is fifty-seven. Before that, and into my late forties emotional maturity was probably more regressive than that, twenty or so years earlier than my age at the time.

As a female with autism, I have little difficulty reading facial expressions existing on the surface. Something of an 'interest' since I was a child. Yet deeper emotions in people are more difficult to fathom, and I seem to have more interest in animals than in people. I understand animal behavior much better than I do people as it relates to emotion. It could be that my interest in animals has won out, over my interest in people. As I spend far more time with them now.

I'm able to recall very well, feelings I had as a child and seem to be more in touch with those feelings than most adults. My memory is almost eidetic related to those early years.

Perhaps those emotions are something I don't wish to forget, as they help me to remember what is and was important from the very beginnings of my life. Who I was and am now, is not all that different. It might be that's the reason we are thought of as 'childish.' As others once they are adults, seem to forget or put behind that most important and defining aspect of self.

 

[SusanLR]

Relatively emotionally intelligent, mature as well. Although it's taken many years, experiences, social interaction, life lived. It's likely that I'm consistently ten years behind people of my age, which is fifty-seven. Before that, and into my late forties emotional maturity was probably more regressive than that, twenty or so years earlier than my age at the time.

As a female with autism, I have little difficulty reading facial expressions existing on the surface. Something of an 'interest' since I was a child. Yet deeper emotions in people are more difficult to fathom, and I seem to have more interest in animals than in people. I understand animal behavior much better than I do people as it relates to emotion. It could be that my interest in animals has won out, over my interest in people. As I spend far more time with them now.

I'm able to recall very well, feelings I had as a child and seem to be more in touch with those feelings than most adults. My memory is almost eidetic related to those early years.

Perhaps those emotions are something I don't wish to forget, as they help me to remember what is and was important from the very beginnings of my life. Who I was and am now, is not all that different. It might be that's the reason we are thought of as 'childish.' As others once they are adults, seem to forget or put behind that most important and defining aspect of self.

My child memories are eidetic also.
If anyone asked what the most peaceful memory of my life was, the answer is being rocked in my mother's arms while she sang to me as I sucked my thumb and played with her long black hair with the other hand.

Who would want to mature emotionally into a harsh, caotic world and leave that peace behind?
A: Most of the world. I think it is genetically built into our DNA for continuation of the species.

At times, I feel like a child lost in the woods. Very small, very lost and very scared

This is exactly how I felt when I lost the two people who were a part of me and the only ones I've ever felt total comfort with.
I could keep the happy child emotional immaturity and put on the act and mask for the rest of the world that I knew would make me acceptable. Come home at night and feel Ahhhh.
Now I am totally alone in a world of trees.
No more Ahhhs. Just tired.
The feeling is like a child that goes to the fair and finds their parents have disappeared never to be found again.

This is very much an ASD feeling from what I have been told. In fact, in seeking professional help for this is how I got the diagnosis.
One psychologist thought it was just a very prolonged grief period. But, the second started asking questions and the answers I gave led her to tell me she thought my difficulty in adjusting was Aspergers. I took the test.

There are emotional maturity stages humans go through as they physically mature.
1. Starting in infancy we desire the need for security and trust.

2. By age 3 the desire for bonding with others than parents and being with other children.

3. The want for individuality and self autonomy begins during the years before puberty.

4. Interest in sexuality, fitting in, wanting to grow up to be whatever you have found interests in progress.
Concern with physical appearances and competition become of greater importance.

5. The "Leave the nest" syndrome usually begins in the teens. The desire for maturing, becoming independent, creating your own family, partnering, parenting for most.
Deciding on a career.

6. Taking the needed steps to achieve the above internal desires, goals.

7. Finding the social group you want.
Single, marriage, children, no children, home, resposibility, image.
Feeling fully mature, forgetting childhood ways, no longer needs parental closeness for security.
Happy or unhappy you are now an individual.

8. Growing more into the senior years the need to feel you have left your mark in the world. Your legacy.
What did you accomplish in life.
Want to be recognised and remembered.
Most desire a feeling of continuity of self and continuation of the human race, usually via children and grandchildren. The urge to ensure the on-going species preservation.

If your emotional growth stopped at one of these steps that is a good indicator of where emotional maturity developed to.

Here is a photo I use to show the lost in the woods feeling life becomes when the emotional stages just never kicked in...

 

[Gracey]

The situation will usually determine how I approach or resolve it.

I understand my own levels of maturity to be determined by what I've learned and understood in any given area.

What I've experienced, what I've understood, what mistakes I've made, what I've learned from them, or not. I believe it's my processing of information through my experiences and learning how to accept or understand what's happening.

The above may sound very adult. I can assure you I can be completely bewildered or sometimes amused at the odd and the strange.

 

[onlything]

My child memories are eidetic also.
If anyone asked what the most peaceful memory of my life was, the answer is being rocked in my mother's arms while she sang to me as I sucked my thumb and played with her long black hair with the other hand.

Who would want to mature emotionally into a harsh, caotic world and leave that peace behind?
A: Most of the world. I think it is genetically built into our DNA for continuation of the species.

This is exactly how I felt when I lost the two people who were a part of me and the only ones I've ever felt total comfort with.
I could keep the happy child emotional immaturity and put on the act and mask for the rest of the world that I knew would make me acceptable. Come home at night and feel Ahhhh.
Now I am totally alone in a world of trees.
No more Ahhhs. Just tired.
The feeling is like a child that goes to the fair and finds their parents have disappeared never to be found again.

This is very much an ASD feeling from what I have been told. In fact, in seeking professional help for this is how I got the diagnosis.
One psychologist thought it was just a very prolonged grief period. But, the second started asking questions and the answers I gave led her to tell me she thought my difficulty in adjusting was Aspergers. I took the test.

There are emotional maturity stages humans go through as they physically mature.
1. Starting in infancy we desire the need for security and trust.

2. By age 3 the desire for bonding with others than parents and being with other children.

3. The want for individuality and self autonomy begins during the years before puberty.

4. Interest in sexuality, fitting in, wanting to grow up to be whatever you have found interests in progress.
Concern with physical appearances and competition become of greater importance.

5. The "Leave the nest" syndrome usually begins in the teens. The desire for maturing, becoming independent, creating your own family, partnering, parenting for most.
Deciding on a career.

6. Taking the needed steps to achieve the above internal desires, goals.

7. Finding the social group you want.
Single, marriage, children, no children, home, resposibility, image.
Feeling fully mature, forgetting childhood ways, no longer needs parental closeness for security.
Happy or unhappy you are now an individual.

8. Growing more into the senior years the need to feel you have left your mark in the world. Your legacy.
What did you accomplish in life.
Want to be recognised and remembered.
Most desire a feeling of continuity of self and continuation of the human race, usually via children and grandchildren. The urge to ensure the on-going species preservation.

If your emotional growth stopped at one of these steps that is a good indicator of where emotional maturity developed to.

Here is a photo I use to show the lost in the woods feeling life becomes when the emotional stages just never kicked in...
View attachment 39141

That's interesting, thank you from your input. From what I see if I apply the points to my life, I seem to have progressed with them... while still being stuck and rarely leaving the rest. Something to consider for sure.

 

[WereBear]

I don't think emotional intelligence and emotional maturity are the same thing - there may be some overlap, but I think they are distinct. Folks can correct me if I am wrong about that.

Emotional intelligence is about understanding and interpreting other's emotions. Even a small child can tell if an adult is angry or happy, for instance. But if their understanding is low, that is as far as it can go. With better understanding, they can begin to put together a sequences of events; spilling the juice and leaving it there to be stepped into, for instance.

Emotional maturity is doing it with an adult understanding. Knowing if we had anything to do with that person's emotions, and what, if anything, we are supposed to do about it.

 

[ksheehan88]

I'm not particularly emotionally mature. I sulk, I whine, I have a temper, I get confused and upset by the littlest thing. I'm referred to as spoiled, but I don't think its that I am spoiled, I just... overreact sometimes.

 

[Mia]

This is very much an ASD feeling from what I have been told. In fact, in seeking professional help for this is how I got the diagnosis.
One psychologist thought it was just a very prolonged grief period.

Thanks for that information, Susan. I've missed my Father and my Gram for a very long time; think of them every day, they've never left my memory and are with me all the time. People I know think it's odd that I still talk about them. I still remember their faces, the things they did, their voices, and can't forget them. But other people I've known are almost completely forgotten.

 

[Gabriella11]

I have been dating an Aspie for a year now. I noticed that he behaves like a 5 year old, even though he is over 40. He calls me fat all the time. I was not fat, but I put on 20 pounds after hearing that everyday and he always wants to control what I eat. He screams at me from nowhere, no reason. It is scary. He screams anywhere. It is always a scandal. If I do something, eat anything, he wants to do the same. He also looks to every single women at the street. When we have dinner he is staring at other women, barely looks at me. He is every morning on hi ipad looking at pictures of models and gets all excited, looks at pornography and doesn’t show any sexual interest for me. He hides everything he does. Doesn’t tell me anything about work. I also thought he has weird interactions with little kids, like 8 years old girls. He is creepy! When I say I’ll leave him he says he will change. Is all that normal?

 

[Flinty]

When I say I’ll leave him he says he will change. Is all that normal?

I have quoted the part that is normal. Run, do not walk, away from this guy.

 

[Gabriella11]

I have quoted the part that is normal. Run, do not walk, away from this guy.

Thank you Flinty.
I know I should run away from him, but then he becomes all nice and I forget all the bad he does. I feel sorry for him and I tend to think it is not his fault. I suffer a lot, most because I have no strenght to leave this awful situation. I am trying to find answers. If I can understand how his mind works and he won’t change, it will give me strenght to leave. We live together, by the way.

 

[Streetwise]

My mother was a solicitor (like an attorney ),one of her clients was a married woman ,( from this you can get it's not going to be good )my mother drafted an injunction -to prevent her husband from being a physical distance from her ,she had to leave her home and a piece of advice my mother gave "don't go back to the house "here is the warning for you !!!!!!!! she went back to the house -her husband killed her !!!!!!take from that what you will .

 

[SusanLR]

I have been dating an Aspie for a year now. I noticed that he behaves like a 5 year old, even though he is over 40. He calls me fat all the time. I was not fat, but I put on 20 pounds after hearing that everyday and he always wants to control what I eat. He screams at me from nowhere, no reason. It is scary. He screams anywhere. It is always a scandal. If I do something, eat anything, he wants to do the same. He also looks to every single women at the street. When we have dinner he is staring at other women, barely looks at me. He is every morning on hi ipad looking at pictures of models and gets all excited, looks at pornography and doesn’t show any sexual interest for me. He hides everything he does. Doesn’t tell me anything about work. I also thought he has weird interactions with little kids, like 8 years old girls. He is creepy! When I say I’ll leave him he says he will change. Is all that normal?

Sounds a lot like the man I live with and he's 75 years old. Not Aspie either. He too screams at me, screams at waitresses, people in public, profanities. A lot of it isn't even rational.
Doesn't tell me about his past and hides all financial info from me.
He likes young girls too,
And wants to control what I eat and when.
Even though our living arrangement is not a romantic one, he still wants to control me and what I do.
Where I go, when I'll be back, etc.

These types will never change even when they say they will. If you can break away and find a better life, go for it.
The reason I don't run is because I'm not sure my only other option to run to would be any better and I have financial reasons also.

 

[SusanLR]

I found an interesting article on emotional intelligence vs maturity. A lot of it fits with the developmental phases of life.
I would call myself, emotionally intelligent but emotionally imature per the article's explanation.
Emotional intelligence or emotional maturity?

 

[onlything]

I have been dating an Aspie for a year now. I noticed that he behaves like a 5 year old, even though he is over 40. He calls me fat all the time. I was not fat, but I put on 20 pounds after hearing that everyday and he always wants to control what I eat. He screams at me from nowhere, no reason. It is scary. He screams anywhere. It is always a scandal. If I do something, eat anything, he wants to do the same. He also looks to every single women at the street. When we have dinner he is staring at other women, barely looks at me. He is every morning on hi ipad looking at pictures of models and gets all excited, looks at pornography and doesn’t show any sexual interest for me. He hides everything he does. Doesn’t tell me anything about work. I also thought he has weird interactions with little kids, like 8 years old girls. He is creepy! When I say I’ll leave him he says he will change. Is all that normal?

Normal is subjective... But no, this is not a typical Aspie behaviour. If you met an Aspie, that's it, you've met an Aspie. There are neurotypical 'creeps' and asses as well. I don't think he's going to change. People don't change that easily.