Emotional Landmines

[belleamie]

Emotion Landmines, that's a term I've come up with for what happens to me on almost a daily basis throughout my life. I stumble into people's sore spots and bad days with relatively frequency, meaning they blow up on me because I say the wrong thing or react the wrong way or just because I'm me. The most recent one has me spinning (the term I use when I am overwhelmed). A guy came into work, he asked me to increase the font size of index cards we put on our board so he could see them from his desk. I thought he was joking because that sounded absurd to me, so I said but you're suppose to get up and move the cards so the font should be big enough. He repeated himself I repeated myself. I had a smile on my face, I thought I was displaying all signs of being jovial but then he began to raise his voice and yell at me. I immediately felt like someone had slapped me in the face. I wasn't expecting that since I was joking and thought he was too. Well I made the mistake of talking with my boss, not to tell on him but because I still thought the reason was absurd and my boss knows of my ASD so I ask him if I am over reacting from time to time. I calm down go through my day and my boss pulls me aside. He takes me to the water fountains, a place that I find soothing. He tells me I have to apologize to the guy for upsetting him. I don't understand what I did wrong? He yelled at me, I didn't raise my voice and I was smiling. But here again I have to apologize, in my bosses mind for upsetting this guy, in my mind for being Autistic and stepping on this guys emotion landmine. I feel like dirt right now and can't stop crying. I don't want to react this way. I just wish I knew what I did wrong.

 

[Pats]

Hi Belleamie and welcome. First I must say you have a very understanding boss. I, too, have a problem understanding why someone would get upset with me if I'm smiling or laughing when I say something. When someone makes a request, think to yourself how you would want the other person to respond if you had made a request to them. No one likes to be questioned and that's kind of what you did to this guy. We all make mistakes so don't feel bad. Your boss wants you to apologize, so just tell the guy you're sorry that you upset him. If I must apologize it's easier to keep it simple, smile and maybe offer a piece of candy or cookie as a peace offering. A smile doesn't go as far as we think it should.
I've done similar things and accidently have made enemies just because they lacked a sense of humor and possibly if I had apologized it would have saved me years of dealing with someone out to get me.

 

[Progster]

Did you ask your boss exactly why the guy was upset? Perhaps he thought that you were laughing at him, not with him? Perhaps he was just having a ****** day, and offloaded onto you, you were unlucky. Either way, you didn't mean it - perhaps send him a note to say/tell him that you meant no offence and you're sorry if you offended him.

 

[Theta.G]

He may have thought you were getting a kick out of not fulfilling his request / being condescending. Using a different example...

Lets say Sally goes into a best buy. She ordered a windows laptop online but got a mac with the same specifications. You greet her at customer service and she asks for what she ordered, a windows laptop. You tell her "that the apple is the same as windows. "
She asserts her request again and you smile and say "they have the same specs you know." Sally starts getting agitated.

While they have similar specs, they are very different operating systems.

Increasing the font size may have been what he was going for so it would increase overall productivity for everyone. Less time wasted going to and from the board. Who knows, only he knows. If you don't understand where someone is coming from, ask them.

 

[SusanLR]

I would ask to explain the need if someone did this.
If he gets angry and yells something like "Because I say so! Isn't that a good enough reason?"
Something similar to that then he would show his true colours and either he was having a bad day
or he's a control freak.
If he had a legit reason behind the request then he probably would have been civil and explained.
The constant smile during your answer may have made him think you were making fun of the situation.
But, then I'm just one that takes things serious anyway.

 

[china autie]

Office politics-- not the favorite thing in my life either.

Emotion landmines is a good name for this stuff.

I too don't want to do something unless I know why.