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Emotional Regulation ( Relationship Meltdown)

A

Aet1985

New Member
I had to ''hold it in'' losing my temper or getting upset, I don't know if it's part of being an Aspie. I have about three women interested or at least find me attractive, but the one woman asked another don't you think Anthony is Bonito Man? and I speak a little Spanish and I think she said not interested in Gringos, I am not attracted to her but it's the point, I was insulted in my opinion right to my face. I get confused is it an Aspie trait to have a very good sense of humor, yet take our selves seriously, or a little stoic? I am very hard on myself because the other guy I work with seems to do ok socially, or with women. The other people don't seem to get as angry, and seem to enjoy themselves more, talking and joking, making TikTok videos and so on. I had to go finish my work and ''take it easy''. I don't know if I am the way I am because I could never make relationships work, or years of social issues made me a little unstable.

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How rude, id be annoyed too. They would be too, if the shoe was on the other foot. You did the right thing. Are you white? Apparently it seems to be used mainly to describe white Americans by Latin Americans? Apparently there is some debate about whether its offensive or not. It's certainly not always friendly. It's offensiveness should be up to the person on the recieving end in my opinion. She'd have made a terrible impression and be on thin ice with me.
 
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I am Italian and Western Slav Mix but a lot of people, and even the women I work with think I am Latino, always asking if I am from Spain, El Salvador, Mexico etc. I have been with a lot of Latina and or Mestiza Women in the dating game. I wasn't completely angry because three women are interested in me or at least attracted. I just don't know why it's hard for me to relax like a NT, or I can be emotionally volatile. I am difficult to describe but if I had to say, it would be as if I am a mix of Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead, and Detective Goren from Law And Order, personality wise
 
My personal experience has been that some autistic people can be more irritable, serious, sensitive etc. Not all though.
 
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Aet1985 said:
I had to ''hold it in'' losing my temper or getting upset, I don't know if it's part of being an Aspie. I have about three women interested or at least find me attractive, but the one woman asked another don't you think Anthony is Bonito Man? and I speak a little Spanish and I think she said not interested in Gringos, I am not attracted to her but it's the point, I was insulted in my opinion right to my face. I get confused is it an Aspie trait to have a very good sense of humor, yet take our selves seriously, or a little stoic? I am very hard on myself because the other guy I work with seems to do ok socially, or with women. The other people don't seem to get as angry, and seem to enjoy themselves more, talking and joking, making TikTok videos and so on. I had to go finish my work and ''take it easy''. I don't know if I am the way I am because I could never make relationships work, or years of social issues made me a little unstable.

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Bonito means pretty or handsome in Spanish. I think the woman was complimenting you, not criticizing you. The Spanish word in Mexico for white people is gringo and it is not a compliment to be called a gringo.
 
Mary Terry said:
Bonito means pretty or handsome in Spanish. I think the woman was complimenting you, not criticizing you. The Spanish word in Mexico for white people is gringo and it is not a compliment to be called a gringo.
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I was very angry and upset that the other woman she asked, said she wasn't interested in Gringos. I worry if it's a Aspie trait to get angry or upset right away. I have a good sense of humor but with certain issues not at all. I worry what is wrong with me, because everyone else in work seems ''fine''.
 
Seems normal to me. In this context, gringo appears to be used as a racial slur. I think the hypocrisy regarding the use of racially charged language is highly irritating. We've had enough.
 
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Aet1985 said:
I was very angry and upset that the other woman she asked, said she wasn't interested in Gringos. I worry if it's a Aspie trait to get angry or upset right away. I have a good sense of humor but with certain issues not at all. I worry what is wrong with me, because everyone else in work seems ''fine''.
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It's a human trait, not an autistic or NT trait.
 
Let every insult be a chance to practice standing up for yourself.
"That's o.k. I am not interested in rude people"

The thing is, she upset you but it was her behavior that was the problem. Not yours.

I know, every part of you is screaming "don't make yourself look worse by reacting"

The thing to remember, when others are that rude, they already don't like you. You can't fix that or make it worse. You may as well let them know you don't like their behavior either.

If you can't think of comebacks in the moment, practice comebacks afterward. Remember, practice makes perfect. Next time you will be ready to go.
 
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