Emotional Sensitivity in ASDs

[Leo Zed]

Since I am relatively new to understanding ASDs, I am wondering if it is normal for those of us who have Asperger’s to be (extremely) emotionally sensitive, especially when “negative” remarks (not necessarily criticism) are being made to us. I have been battling severe depression for a few decades now to the point of it being fatal in two instances - one of them being recent. I don’t know if major depression occurs as a consequence of Asperger’s or if the two disorders happen to exist simultaneously. In any case, I feel apprehensive about posting questions or topics here in fear of falling into a state of depression. For me it doesn’t take much. I have read some threads which would make me depressed if I were on the receiving end of some comments. I don’t know if I am particularly sensitive or this is common for people with ASDs. I would appreciate to hear your thoughts.

 

[Darkkin]

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria sounds like what you are describing. A disproportionately intense response to negative feedback. It is a very common thing among NDers, more commonly associated with ADHD, but considering between 40 - 60% of ASDers have a comorbidity with ADHD, it is a feeling known to a decent percentage of ASDers.

Depression also affects upto 2/3 of those on the spectrum. The struggle is a very real thing.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Since I am relatively new to understanding ASDs, I am wondering if it is normal for those of us who have Asperger’s to be (extremely) emotionally sensitive, especially when “negative” remarks (not necessarily criticism) are being made to us. I have been battling severe depression for a few decades now to the point of it being fatal in two instances - one of them being recent. I don’t know if major depression occurs as a consequence of Asperger’s or if the two disorders happen to exist simultaneously. In any case, I feel apprehensive about posting questions or topics here in fear of falling into a state of depression. For me it doesn’t take much. I have read some threads which would make me depressed if I were on the receiving end of some comments. I don’t know if I am particularly sensitive or this is common for people with ASDs. I would appreciate to hear your thoughts.

Asperger's is one of the "low dopamine and serotonin" neurological conditions,...so yes,...varying degrees of depression are very common. Some will need medications,...others not. As far as being "emotionally sensitive", this is related, but not the same,...and will vary from person to person.

 

[Leo Zed]

Thanks for your reply. I have never heard of rejection sensitivity dysphoria, but from the title, it sounds a lot like what I experience. I wonder if it related to what I experience as sensory overload. Interesting that you mentioned ADHD. I have been diagnosed with ADD as well. But the author of a recent publication suggests that ADHD and ADD are not quite as similar as most people believe (maybe because both are treated with the same meds). I understand what it’s like to have ADD, unfortunately, I don’t respond to my meds as much as I would like to.

 

[Thinx]

One problem can be, some of us have black and white thinking and may also be quite direct or blunt in the way we respond, also like you described, reading a thread may trigger someone's own distressed based on their own previous experiences. This can be upsetting.

Do you have therapy ongoing? That's a good place to speak about difficult issues, if you feel it may be upsetting. Having comments that are not relevant for you is part of posting a thread, so we do have to feel up to it, and when you feel it's too risky for you, that's a good, self protective point to make.
Has the help you have had been useful? Is it ongoing? You are welcome here of course, and I hope you will post your views and anything you want to say, also bearing in mind this is an open forum.

 

[Leo Zed]

@Thinx I go to therapy weekly now. For a long while, I depended on meds only. Now, that I am in therapy, it seems overwhelming. In addition to dealing with my diagnoses, I have a traumatic event in the past to deal with. I think outsiders may think (as has been said) that I respond very emotionally to things because of events that took place in my life. But I don’t believe that is entirely true. It just seems like my brain works differently; that is, my emotions are untypically and greatly amplified. Sometimes it feels like the audio dial is on 11 when it only goes up to 10. Well, now that I am in therapy, I hope that helps.
Thank you for your welcome. I will just have to take things slowly as they come.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

@Thinx I go to therapy weekly now. For a long while, I depended on meds only. Now, that I am in therapy, it seems overwhelming. In addition to dealing with my diagnoses, I have a traumatic event in the past to deal with. I think outsiders may think (as has been said) that I respond very emotionally to things because of events that took place in my life. But I don’t believe that is entirely true. It just seems like my brain works differently; that is, my emotions are untypically and greatly amplified. Sometimes it feels like the audio dial is on 11 when it only goes up to 10. Well, now that I am in therapy, I hope that helps.
Thank you for your welcome. I will just have to take things slowly as they come.

It sounds a lot like you have sensory processing sensitivity (also called being a "highly sensitive person"). People with SPS tend to have a larger amygdala (which processes emotions) than other people which makes them respond more intensely to stimulus than most people. This is more common than you might think, with maybe 20% of the population being affected (which is why it isn't classified as a disorder). It is not uncommon for ASD people to have SDS comorbidity. An article in Scientific Reports last year indicates that moderate SDS in particular correlates with autism (see figure 1 here).

There is a test you can take which shouldn't take more than 3 minutes. If you get 14+ out of 27 answers as a yes, it means you are quite likely to have SDS. I got 20, and there were some borderlines which I decided to answer negatively. Here is a link. I only learned about this very recently, but I have found reading about it quite helpful. There was also a thread on the forum which indicates that SDS isn't necessarily more common in people with ASD here (some people got high scores, while others got low scores). You can read it here.

I know it can be debilitating at times, and in particular in intensive situations, but I recommend thinking about it in a similar way to ASD. Yes, there are some situations which are more difficult for you (emotionally charges moments/pressure), but you also have abilities which can help you relate to others and do good for the people around you. Take care, and if you ever want to send a private message or something, you can feel free to. I have enjoyed reading your comments on the forums since you joined, but it's also perfectly fine to lurk (I didn't register till a month after I found the forum and started reading posts).

 

[Slim Jim]

I am moody, yes.

 

[Zhantera]

I tend to be very sensitive to those types of things. I really struggle with social media, so I rarely post. I've really had to work at keeping myself separate from negativity, in all areas but especially on social media, I have a lockout timer because although I do like to observe people, I have a super hard time with interactions, even online ones. I lurk a lot and just pop out for a comment here and there.

 

[Leo Zed]

@Zhantera

…I have a super hard time with interactions, even online ones…

I am glad that you shared that. I am discovering that even online interactions can be very difficult. A couple of years ago I joined two online forums, one for my aquarium hobby and one for coin collecting. I tried hard to fit in, but I could never break into those inner circles. I felt like an outsider and gave up. Oh well, I find people on this forum to be respectful and understanding. I now realize that I have to be respectful to and understanding of myself as well. I think this is the first step in my recovery.

 

[Leo Zed]

@Stuttermabolur

…Take care, and if you ever want to send a private message or something, you can feel free to...

I will. Thank you.

I also took the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) test and scored a 23 which wasn’t a great surprise. Also, thanks to the links.

 

[Suzanne]

I got 20

I got 25.

 

[Suzanne]

I HATE people mentioning something about my person; beit, my hair; my voice or facial expressions.

I sadly cannot take even what is referred to as constructive critisim; although I do my best to push aside the crushing feeling, to listen and learn.

Someone once told me that I would not get on with this person's siblings, due to me being highly sensitive. Only afterwards, when I got to thinking about what was said, I realised I should have responded with: perhaps it is because they are insensitive?

I love humour - as long as it is not about a person.

I take vitamin b12 with is an energy vitamin. I took it initially for carpal tunnel, but realised that my mood became more balanced and sure enough, that is what it is for.

Many mock vitamins and minerals; but without them, we get a host of issues.

 

[Luca]

I feel silly saying this but I legitimately cannot handle people being mean to me. Part of it is definitely ASD but I think it's more so a PTSD response.

 

[Luca]

I will also add that I find threads on here where people are bullying or being mean to each other extremely distressing. That is also the only time you will see me post anything remotely assertive. As much as I can't handle people bullying me, I can't handle people doing it to others either, and although I'm extremely conflict-avoidant I will sometimes speak up. But then I worry about being targeted too.

I also really hesitate to post anything negative or controversial, and I try not to be too clear-cut about what some of my beliefs are, because it's one thing to disagree or have a difference of opinion, that's fine. There are lots of posts and threads on here that I disagree with and I would never be mean about it or pick a fight with anyone. But it's an entirely different thing when people feel the need to verbally attack others for their beliefs so I really worry about that. It happens enough to me irl.

 

[Rodafina]

I can absolutely relate to the discussion here and although all these labels upon me are very heavy, I know HSP and rejection sensitivity dysphoria would both apply to me as well.

Someone once told me that I would not get on with this person's siblings, due to me being highly sensitive. Only afterwards, when I got to thinking about what was said, I realised I should have responded with: perhaps it is because they are insensitive?

@Suzanne, I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. My whole life I have heard “you’re too sensitive, too sensitive.” Why is it always that the sensitive must fit into an insensitive world as if that is better. Perhaps more sensitivity would be okay?

I have made my best efforts to toughen up, and grow a “thick skin,” as people have always told me. The result was a cold emptiness that eventually turned to rage. I now choose to face the world as a sensitive person, but I admit that it is difficult and I appreciate hearing the struggles and successes of you all.

And also:

I feel silly saying this but I legitimately cannot handle people being mean to me.

Same! Why should you have to handle this? WHY ARE PEOPLE MEAN???? Not necessary! Maybe it is OK to be not OK with mean! (I hope everyone is extremely nice to you all day.)

 

[Rodafina]

I will also add that I find threads on here where people are bullying or being mean to each other extremely distressing. That is also the only time you will see me post anything remotely assertive. As much as I can't handle people bullying me, I can't handle people doing it to others either, and although I'm extremely conflict-avoidant I will sometimes speak up. But then I worry about being targeted too.

I also really hesitate to post anything negative or controversial, and I try not to be too clear-cut about what some of my beliefs are, because it's one thing to disagree or have a difference of opinion, that's fine. There are lots of posts and threads on here that I disagree with and I would never be mean about it or pick a fight with anyone. But it's an entirely different thing when people feel the need to verbally attack others for their beliefs so I really worry about that. It happens enough to me irl.

I rarely speak in real life, much prefer written conversation and slow-motion conversation. This community is my first foray into interacting with other humans in a very long time. It has been the most hopeful and optimistic thing in my life in a very long while. Just days in however, I inadvertently stumbled into a conflict and sparked some tumultuous conversation with a comment that I made. WORST NIGHTMARE! I put so much thought into being tactful, attempting to be neutral, but alas, I sparked ire. This was extremely upsetting to me and my inclination was to turn and run as always and leave all of the potential benefits behind because somebody yelled at me. But! There are tools for this – I have learned them! I feel awful, but I know so many rational things that allay the feeling that I had done something terrible, or was unworthy to be here. Hurt and confusion feels like a normal part of my experience interacting with humans. I share my embarrassing story here because for the first time in my life, I rode it out. I just let it be uncomfortable, and started focusing on other things. I have since learned many interesting things from people and it would have been my loss to give in this time. Being silenced by my own self because of fear of how someone else will think or react has been a very sad experience for me and I’m done.

 

[Forest Cat]

Being silenced by my own self because of fear of how someone else will think or react has been a very sad experience for me and I’m done.

That sounds good, it's not good to let people silence you. What other people think is not your problem, you have no control over that. And if they react to something you say, it doesn't mean you should be quiet. It just means they disagree and there's always someone somewhere who will disagree, no matter what you say. You know that old saying, opinions are like butts, everyone has one. Good luck with everything.

By the way, if you were upset by something I wrote, I really am sorry about that. I don't want you to be upset or make you feel bad and you can say whatever you want.

 

[Rodafina]

That sounds good, it's not good to let people silence you. What other people think is not your problem, you have no control over that. And if they react to something you say, it doesn't mean you should be quiet. It just means they disagree and there's always someone somewhere who will disagree, no matter what you say. You know that old saying, opinions are like butts, everyone has one. Good luck with everything.

By the way, if you were upset by something I wrote, I really am sorry about that. I don't want you to be upset or make you feel bad and you can say whatever you want.

The quote I had heard was “opinions are like buttholes, everyone has them but usually cover them up.” So it sounds like we are in agreement there!

Seriously, @Forest Cat , you taking the time to offer a sorry and our interactions here in a brief period of time are exactly the reason why it is worth it to stick through uncomfortable feelings. Yes, the interaction we are both alluding to made me feel uncomfortable, but I was able to employ the things I’ve learned, and see through uncomfortable feelings and really listen to what you were saying. I felt like your point was valid, despite the way it made me feel. Your perspective is interesting to me; of course, we are all allowed different opinions and methods of expressing those.

 

[Forest Cat]

The quote I had heard was “opinions are like buttholes, everyone has them but usually cover them up.” So it sounds like we are in agreement there!

Seriously, @Forest Cat , you taking the time to offer a sorry and our interactions here in a brief period of time are exactly the reason why it is worth it to stick through uncomfortable feelings. Yes, the interaction we are both alluding to made me feel uncomfortable, but I was able to employ the things I’ve learned, and see through uncomfortable feelings and really listen to what you were saying. I felt like your point was valid, despite the way it made me feel. Your perspective is interesting to me; of course, we are all allowed different opinions and methods of expressing those.

I didn't know I upset you. And I didn't know this community was your first foray into interacting with other humans in a very long time, as you mentioned earlier. That changes things a little. I hope you can ignore everything I said and not let it bother you, I'm abrasive sometimes without realizing how it affects people until afterwards. So I really am sorry and you didn't do anything wrong. You did not cause any problems here on the forum or anything like that. And I hope you enjoy being here, people are usually very friendly and supportive here, it's a nice forum.