Emotions question?

[Peaceandquiet]

So… I’m waiting on this referral and seen as my doctor didn’t seem to what to really ask me lot of questions or even speak a lot about Autism.. (how I felt anyway during the whole half hour appointment)
I have lots of questions and no one to ask other than google (which drives me mad) or you guys..
Does anyone else say emotions rather than obviously show them or even feel them?
Bear in mind I’m past 40 now so could be masking I don’t know.
But say one of my kids show me something or tell me something they think is funny I will say “that’s funny” without laughing.. or is this just standard for most NT as well? Or if I’m texting I will say “that’s sad” or “that’s funny” but not sitting here laughing or feeling sad type thing.
I seem to have to remember to smile mid conversation as well if I do have one with another adult as I realised a while back I wasn’t and must look miserable but wasn’t inside. So I probably look completely weird just randomly adding smiles into conversations! (Never been able to smile on que anyway.. and never had a teeth grin
I do smile and laugh with my children when it’s not something obvious but more my sense of humour type thing which is a bit weird anyway lol I remember when I was around 10 always laughing at myself and my sister asking why am I laughing and i used to say I’m laughing at my own laugh!
Also I used to have such bad eye contact and realised that also is something I needed to try and do while talking. So I try more to do that.. it’s difficult and I still can’t do it if I was trying to explain something emotionally “ie the doctor etc”
As a teenager I would constantly walk around with my head down.
my story goes on an on really and only just started to piece it all together and realise it most likely is Autism of some kind but high functioning

 

[Human Avatar]

@Peaceandquiet

Yes I am exactly the same. You are not alone .

 

[Rodafina]

I do that a lot, state the emotion. Many times people have asked me if I’m being sarcastic, but sarcasm is something I rarely use. But, it seems sensible to me. I think it’s a valid way to express emotions, but it seems like a good amount of people don’t necessarily do that, so probably confusing to them. I wonder if part of it is because some of us spend so long figuring out what we’re feeling, that we are actually more attuned to the words of feelings and stating them clearly.

 

[Peaceandquiet]

I do that a lot, state the emotion. Many times people have asked me if I’m being sarcastic, but sarcasm is something I rarely use. But, it seems sensible to me. I think it’s a valid way to express emotions, but it seems like a good amount of people don’t necessarily do that, so probably confusing to them. I wonder if part of it is because some of us spend so long figuring out what we’re feeling, that we are actually more attuned to the words of feelings and stating them clearly.

It’s always amazed me how people laugh out loud at things like the TV etc or just in conversation.. are they faking it? If so why? It’s bizarre

 

[Outdated]

Some people are naturally more expressionate than others. I'm at the other end of the scale, I'm very expressionate and I engage with most people quite well but it took a lot of practice as a teenager to be like that. And yes it felt very false at first but eventually it became habitual.

I remember when I was around 10 always laughing at myself and my sister asking why am I laughing and i used to say I’m laughing at my own laugh!

This happened to me often when I was in my early teens, sometimes I'd just start laughing for seemingly no reason at all. Seriously laughing, laughed so much that others had no choice but to laugh with me even though I couldn't name what it was that I'd found so funny.

Years later I found out that this is a classic symptom of traumatic stress - not post traumatic, current traumatic.

 

[Sablerose]

I just want to say welcome. I'm still having to explain to my therapist WHY I want my diagnoses as she just accepts it because of my age and my stories we share and she says she is willing to just accept it from me verbally as she agrees. I am almost 60 now mind you. All of my doctors and therapists are through a veteran's hospital, so they are definitely not trained for it I don't think. They just diagnosed me like 5 years ago with adhd, it fit but not right but many of those things fit this too, there is a lot of cross over in some areas, and the more we talk the more I know it's right. Will it change anything she keeps asking, that official test. To me it will change the world. I want it in my records in case, well just in case. And more than anything I want it for me, my peace of mind. She says we can just talk about it, I agree, we will talk more about it because they have diagnosed all the parts over the years but not the whole person I feel.

The different sense of humor I know I have too But so does my husband so it's all good. (And for what it's worth both him and I laugh at our own things all the time, its ok if the other one doesn't know why, they can ask, and we may or not may not both laugh over whatever the other found funny. I got kicked off the cheerleading team I was forced into by family as a kid (to burn off that energy they said) ...for not ever smiling, when I forced it things just got worse or at times I'd show emotions improperly in my attempts to understand and assimilate.

The people here are wonderful I have found. If you poke around the different parts of the forums, you will find many others have the same questions and so many understand and offer help. It's a pretty nice place to come to I think and I wish you the best in your journey Welcome again

 

[Outdated]

From an old stand up comic:

I once got sacked just because I smile a lot. I said "Fine, get yourself another funeral director.".

 

[Peaceandquiet]

Some people are naturally more expressionate than others. I'm at the other end of the scale, I'm very expressionate and I engage with most people quite well but it took a lot of practice as a teenager to be like that. And yes it felt very false at first but eventually it became habitual.


This happened to me often when I was in my early teens, sometimes I'd just start laughing for seemingly no reason at all. Seriously laughing, laughed so much that others had no choice but to laugh with me even though I couldn't name what it was that I'd found so funny.

Years later I found out that this is a classic symptom of traumatic stress - not post traumatic, current traumatic.

That’s interesting thank you. What would be an example of current traumatic stress at that age? As I used to also find I would just start crying for ages I. The evenings in my room for no reason? And I didn’t know why. My mom just told me at the time it was normal as she used to do it. It stopped anyway after time.

 

[Outdated]

What would be an example of current traumatic stress at that age?

Unhappy home life, outcast and bullied at school, sexually molested by school staff, one friend beaten to death by a psychopathic policeman, another abducted and brutally murdered by a serial killer.

I had a bit of a rough time back then.

 

[Sablerose]

This happened to me often when I was in my early teens, sometimes I'd just start laughing for seemingly no reason at all. Seriously laughing, laughed so much that others had no choice but to laugh with me even though I couldn't name what it was that I'd found so funny.

Years later I found out that this is a classic symptom of traumatic stress - not post traumatic, current traumatic.

Thank you for sharing that. I used to do that in my teens too. I even had teachers ask if I was on drugs because I'd just burst out laughing when I got nervous or scared. That gets you labeled class disrupter and troublemaker really quick (as well as other things), then I'd go home and cry for hours because people stared again because i dropped my mask and pretending I didn't care took so much out of me. I was already very good at them by high school. Masking I mean. I still laugh out of context if nervous or afraid (and talk too much then also) But that stress/trauma thing, that makes perfect sense. I am sure that was a lot of it for myself as well.

 

[Gift2humanity]

So… I’m waiting on this referral and seen as my doctor didn’t seem to what to really ask me lot of questions or even speak a lot about Autism.. (how I felt anyway during the whole half hour appointment)
I have lots of questions and no one to ask other than google (which drives me mad) or you guys..
Does anyone else say emotions rather than obviously show them or even feel them?
Bear in mind I’m past 40 now so could be masking I don’t know.
But say one of my kids show me something or tell me something they think is funny I will say “that’s funny” without laughing.. or is this just standard for most NT as well? Or if I’m texting I will say “that’s sad” or “that’s funny” but not sitting here laughing or feeling sad type thing.
I seem to have to remember to smile mid conversation as well if I do have one with another adult as I realised a while back I wasn’t and must look miserable but wasn’t inside. So I probably look completely weird just randomly adding smiles into conversations! (Never been able to smile on que anyway.. and never had a teeth grin
I do smile and laugh with my children when it’s not something obvious but more my sense of humour type thing which is a bit weird anyway lol I remember when I was around 10 always laughing at myself and my sister asking why am I laughing and i used to say I’m laughing at my own laugh!
Also I used to have such bad eye contact and realised that also is something I needed to try and do while talking. So I try more to do that.. it’s difficult and I still can’t do it if I was trying to explain something emotionally “ie the doctor etc”
As a teenager I would constantly walk around with my head down.
my story goes on an on really and only just started to piece it all together and realise it most likely is Autism of some kind but high functioning

Having loads of questions and feeling like there is no one to ask is a really painful feeling.
Bard.google.com is better than google, it's an artificial intelligence chatbot, so you can ask it more specific questions.
Then there is chatGPT another chatbot, but that only "knows" stuff upto September 2021, unless you pay for the up to date version.
Of course, it is better to speak to real people, though, so we are here.

If I can label the emotions I will say them as well as feel them. Sometimes I can't identify emotions "in the moment" which makes me feel vulnerable.

Being past 40, you might be masking.
I think we say what we are expected to say, NT or autistic, for example, people sometimes ask after others who they don't really care about.
I know I smile or force a laugh socially sometimes, as everyone else is laughing, even if I don't find it funny myself.

I used to laugh at myself at home and school and work, the last two were inappropriate, I think I was doing it to offset the deep depression I was not addressing. My sister told me to stop laughing at myself.

Bad eye contact is an autism thing, I think, I just look at people's mouths, I think I have done this all my life. My mum used to get angry as I did not look her in the eye when she was scolding me.

I used to get told off for walking with my head down.

I think it's worth getting a test.
I don't know what country you live in, I am in the UK
I just went on Bard and it said "according to NHS Digital, the average waiting time for an autism assessment in Wiltshire is currently 18 months".

I hope that helps, and feel free to ask me any more questions, I will be happy to try to answer them. I got diagnosed in 2020 at age 54, but my mum took me to the family doctor in the sixties as a 9 month old baby as she thought I was autistic.

 

[Peaceandquiet]

Having loads of questions and feeling like there is no one to ask is a really painful feeling.
Bard.google.com is better than google, it's an artificial intelligence chatbot, so you can ask it more specific questions.
Then there is chatGPT another chatbot, but that only "knows" stuff upto September 2021, unless you pay for the up to date version.
Of course, it is better to speak to real people, though, so we are here.

If I can label the emotions I will say them as well as feel them. Sometimes I can't identify emotions "in the moment" which makes me feel vulnerable.

Being past 40, you might be masking.
I think we say what we are expected to say, NT or autistic, for example, people sometimes ask after others who they don't really care about.
I know I smile or force a laugh socially sometimes, as everyone else is laughing, even if I don't find it funny myself.

I used to laugh at myself at home and school and work, the last two were inappropriate, I think I was doing it to offset the deep depression I was not addressing. My sister told me to stop laughing at myself.

Bad eye contact is an autism thing, I think, I just look at people's mouths, I think I have done this all my life. My mum used to get angry as I did not look her in the eye when she was scolding me.

I used to get told off for walking with my head down.

I think it's worth getting a test.
I don't know what country you live in, I am in the UK
I just went on Bard and it said "according to NHS Digital, the average waiting time for an autism assessment in Wiltshire is currently 18 months".

I hope that helps, and feel free to ask me any more questions, I will be happy to try to answer them. I got diagnosed in 2020 at age 54, but my mum took me to the family doctor in the sixties as a 9 month old baby as she thought I was autistic.

Hi I’ve been referred but only last week so probably in this limbo land for quite a while really. I never knew anything about autism til recently and I was very surprised the more I read it almost fitted my whole life together like glue!
I even read that being gender disphoria or what ever they call it as a child is a big sign.. I was never “anything” as there was no one asking questions or doctors etc. But I spent from around 7-12 being and looking just like a boy I would wear boy clothes, hair cut like one (I remember the hair dresser refusing to give me tram lines when I was around 10 she said no way she could do that to a girl even tho I had manage to persuade my mom) I would refuse point blank to wear any time of feminine clothes etc. Strangers would think I was a boy and I would go along with it. But this stopped at high school to a degree as I had to grow my hair (was told I had to) and also wear a skirt I felt stupid tbh and got picked on and felt very insecure like this. Time went on.. I got expelled and went down a bad route with wrong people and then ended in a very disfunctional relationship which led to marriage and kids and a bad relationship with alcohol! I definitely used alcohol to even have a relationship and be social able with who ever during this time. Fast forward after a very rough time.. I’m happier, divorced and alcohol free.. but after 4 years I’m noticing alot more about myself if this makes sense.. like a big jigsaw I’m putting together

 

[Neonatal RRT]

So… I’m waiting on this referral and seen as my doctor didn’t seem to what to really ask me lot of questions or even speak a lot about Autism.. (how I felt anyway during the whole half hour appointment)
I have lots of questions and no one to ask other than google (which drives me mad) or you guys..
Does anyone else say emotions rather than obviously show them or even feel them?
Bear in mind I’m past 40 now so could be masking I don’t know.
But say one of my kids show me something or tell me something they think is funny I will say “that’s funny” without laughing.. or is this just standard for most NT as well? Or if I’m texting I will say “that’s sad” or “that’s funny” but not sitting here laughing or feeling sad type thing.
I seem to have to remember to smile mid conversation as well if I do have one with another adult as I realised a while back I wasn’t and must look miserable but wasn’t inside. So I probably look completely weird just randomly adding smiles into conversations! (Never been able to smile on que anyway.. and never had a teeth grin
I do smile and laugh with my children when it’s not something obvious but more my sense of humour type thing which is a bit weird anyway lol I remember when I was around 10 always laughing at myself and my sister asking why am I laughing and i used to say I’m laughing at my own laugh!
Also I used to have such bad eye contact and realised that also is something I needed to try and do while talking. So I try more to do that.. it’s difficult and I still can’t do it if I was trying to explain something emotionally “ie the doctor etc”
As a teenager I would constantly walk around with my head down.
my story goes on an on really and only just started to piece it all together and realise it most likely is Autism of some kind but high functioning

Some people are internalizers, some are externalizers. Some people grew up with people around them that encouraged emotions, some people grew up with people around them that interpret emotions as a lack of self-discipline and self-control.

Most "alpha"-type, leadership-type personalities are quiet, Stoic, self-disciplined, high levels of self-control, and are more likely to give a smile or smirk on their face rather than an outburst of laughter. Most "beta"-type personalities, the people working under them, the subordinates, tend to be more emotionally expressive.

Then there are some of the autistics, like me, that have alexithymia that feel the emotion, but don't know how to moderate the emotional content well, or am not completely sure how to identify it, so better to squelch it down and flatten it. It's definitely a control thing. Better to not embarrass oneself.

I am more of a mix of these things. I tend to be an internalizer. I tend to check all the boxes of an "alpha"-type personality. I am an autistic with alexithymia. I grew up in a generation where Stoicism in males is considered a virtue.

 

[Misty Avich]

I might only say "that's funny" if I don't find it funny enough to laugh but just to agree with the person.
Otherwise I do respond with emotion, a little too much I think, especially online. But because you can't use non-verbal cues or "sentence fillers" so easily online, my emotional reactions gets somewhat distorted and people respond back with emotion and it becomes like a flame war. If I was more logical in my posts and showed more intellect I'll probably get into less unintended arguments online.

 

[Tom]

It sounds to me like you have a very normal emotional expression for people on the spectrum. I am not saying we are all exactly one way. It varies tremendously. But it fits in how we are often out of sync with NT expression and have to artificially behave in order to avoid social awkwardness. It also resonates very close to my own experience.

 

[kenaij]

Sounds really familiar. My wife often tells me "lekker enthousiast weer" which is Dutch for me not reacting enthoustiastically to something she said. But honostly. I don`t feel excited about it. I might like the idea (after I prosess al the potential problems it has or the negative effects on me) but I don`t jumb with joy about them.
The thing you say about replying to texts, smiling on que. They also sound really familiar.
I think more of us here have very similar things. Especially the men. Since women are generally way better at faking it.