darangal
Member
The topics of empathy, the instinct to conform in society, and the motivation to engage in social activity are the three aspects of functioning in social setting and connecting with other people on a fundamental level that challenge me the most personally. I also attribute these three aspects to autism.
My intention with this thread is to find common ground with others. Develop a better understanding of how to improve in awareness of these topics, and engage in a discussion geared toward connecting with people more effectively and on deeper levels.
Another somewhat related topic which I won't divulge into here is difficulty socializing in groups. One on one conversations are much easier to understand, engage in, and develop proficiency with.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the shoes of another emotionally. This does not require shared experience, it does however help a lot to have shared experience to ground the exercise of empathy. Empathy may be much harder for anyone on the spectrum due to a lack of mirror neurons compared to neurotypicals. I find that much like physical exercise, practice makes it easier to perform the activity more skillfully and with greater strength and stamina. Having said that I still find difficulty when attempting to reflexively employ empathy. This occurs more often in contexts with which I am entirely unfamiliar, rusty, or speaking with people I do not have a good amount of rapport with or possess a strong interest in their wellbeing or their opinions in general.
Intuitive conformance is more of a grey area. As members of society people feel a compulsion to follow rules, some spoken or outlined in law, many others are "known" and can be difficult to navigate especially when one has not been indoctrinated. I find that many of the unspoken social rules are cultural, area specific (area can vary from town, county, to a state or a country), and in many cases subcultural. There are a lot of subculture niches that are unique to social groups ranging from a few people, a dozen, a hundred, or several thousand. The interplay of these unspoken rules is simply fascinating. Navigating these rules can be very intimidating and an enormous source of social anxiety. I don't think this anxiety is isolated to anyone on the spectrum and is very often a cause of stress relieving habits at parties such as drug use and drinking.
Social motivation is really my biggest problem. I don't know where it comes from but I have a tendency to not want to talk or significantly engage with other people in most situations. I have a very work or production oriented attitude and found socialization in school very surprising in a classroom setting. I found similar problems early in my professional career as there was a surplus of bullshittery around the workplace ranging from grunts to top level managers. I got used to it eventually. I still have challenges being motivated to engage socially with other people. I find this lack of motivation particularly hampering because I want to be sincere and authentic in all my interactions, this quality of sincerity is also extremely likeable and produces an instinctive trust response in other people. I have been working towards changing my mindset, emotional responses to stimuli ranging from visual, auditory, and smell to more complex symbols such as political references, pop culture, aphorisms, and ubiquitous small talk (I like to shout out platitudes in response to small talk, there's still boring but slightly more intellectually and emotionally stimulating with the potential to spark deeper conversations).
These three things play a big part in my satisfaction with and engagement in society. I'd like to read your thoughts and experiences with them and any insight you can offer.
My intention with this thread is to find common ground with others. Develop a better understanding of how to improve in awareness of these topics, and engage in a discussion geared toward connecting with people more effectively and on deeper levels.
Another somewhat related topic which I won't divulge into here is difficulty socializing in groups. One on one conversations are much easier to understand, engage in, and develop proficiency with.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the shoes of another emotionally. This does not require shared experience, it does however help a lot to have shared experience to ground the exercise of empathy. Empathy may be much harder for anyone on the spectrum due to a lack of mirror neurons compared to neurotypicals. I find that much like physical exercise, practice makes it easier to perform the activity more skillfully and with greater strength and stamina. Having said that I still find difficulty when attempting to reflexively employ empathy. This occurs more often in contexts with which I am entirely unfamiliar, rusty, or speaking with people I do not have a good amount of rapport with or possess a strong interest in their wellbeing or their opinions in general.
Intuitive conformance is more of a grey area. As members of society people feel a compulsion to follow rules, some spoken or outlined in law, many others are "known" and can be difficult to navigate especially when one has not been indoctrinated. I find that many of the unspoken social rules are cultural, area specific (area can vary from town, county, to a state or a country), and in many cases subcultural. There are a lot of subculture niches that are unique to social groups ranging from a few people, a dozen, a hundred, or several thousand. The interplay of these unspoken rules is simply fascinating. Navigating these rules can be very intimidating and an enormous source of social anxiety. I don't think this anxiety is isolated to anyone on the spectrum and is very often a cause of stress relieving habits at parties such as drug use and drinking.
Social motivation is really my biggest problem. I don't know where it comes from but I have a tendency to not want to talk or significantly engage with other people in most situations. I have a very work or production oriented attitude and found socialization in school very surprising in a classroom setting. I found similar problems early in my professional career as there was a surplus of bullshittery around the workplace ranging from grunts to top level managers. I got used to it eventually. I still have challenges being motivated to engage socially with other people. I find this lack of motivation particularly hampering because I want to be sincere and authentic in all my interactions, this quality of sincerity is also extremely likeable and produces an instinctive trust response in other people. I have been working towards changing my mindset, emotional responses to stimuli ranging from visual, auditory, and smell to more complex symbols such as political references, pop culture, aphorisms, and ubiquitous small talk (I like to shout out platitudes in response to small talk, there's still boring but slightly more intellectually and emotionally stimulating with the potential to spark deeper conversations).
These three things play a big part in my satisfaction with and engagement in society. I'd like to read your thoughts and experiences with them and any insight you can offer.
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