Empathy

[Animal_Girl]

Okay, I don't officially have Asperger's Syndrome, but I have roughly 90% of the symptoms, and it has a serious impact on my day to day life.

However, I don't think that I have a "lack of empathy". On the contrary, I think I have a lot of empathy. I'm really good at knowing how the people in my life are feeling. I don't always know how to respond appropriately, but I do the best I can. I'm a good listener most of the time, and I spend a lot of time listening without trying to "problem solve". When something is hurting someone I love, it hurts me too. I can't say I feel much for strangers or that I ever feel anything when I hear tragic stories on the news, but I do think I have a very high level of empathy for those with whom I am close. That goes for any animals too.

I don't know if empathy came as natural for me as for other people. Aside from loving the members of my immediate family, I can't remember feeling anything I would classify as "empathy" until I was at least 16. I met someone for whom I actually felt something and whose emotions and mannerisms I understood. It grew from there and eventually extended to other people. Before that, people were just other beings who existed, and I was quite happy to spend all of my time away from them.

I guess I'm just wondering if people with Aspergers can have all of the other symptoms but still have a high level of empathy. (Granted, my expressions of said empathy are really awkward sometimes... I really have to focus on calculating when to hug people.) In my case, there are usually one or two people in my life for whom I can feel a ton of empathy and whose emotions I can tune into 24/7. Then again, if someone really hurts me or one of the people with whom I am in tune, all of my empathy can shut down. They become an un-person in my perception.

Can anyone relate?

 

[Pella]

I am reading Aspergirls by Rudy Simone and with the aspie females she interviewed, they usually felt very empathetic if it was something they could relate to. Like say my friend's dog died and I don't feel anything, maybe I have never lost a pet, so I don't understand what that would feel like. But if I could find a way to understand that, like say imagine that the dog i do have died, how would I feel, then it clicks and I understand, then I may become very empathetic. When we can relate to we may in some ways be more empathetic than others, because of our senstivity.

 

[LittlePuff]

I over empathize. Practically feel just what they are. Over emotional with not much ability to control it. I wish I could tone it down :-(

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

I think animal girl what you're trying to get at is you know the start and finish part but the connect to the two is lost. I get that when I try to program a computer. I know exactly how to do it in my brain but when it comes out I get confused and it comes out a garbled mess. The empathy thing I think you're trying to say is you know what is going on in your head but when it comes out something is lost in translation between your brain and your mouth. Or actions or what ever.

 

[Spaz]

I'm very empahtic when it comes to animals', my mom's and my favourite fiction characters' feelings. Towards them I feel even too much empathy so that it makes me really hurtful. Towards other people I don't feel actual empathy but sympahty yes. I maybe can't show my empathy/sympahty but I still have that.

 

[total-recoil]

These issues are kind of complex. I think there is wide misunderstanding of the empathy issue. Aspies do tend not to relate to the group mindset or share group sentiments but we still can feel empathy. In my own case I simply don't empathise with the mass consensus and by that I mean if some team has won a game in a national competition and people are cheering and celebrating it makes no odds to me. I could care less. Also, one fault I have is my mind is racing so much at times, other peoples' sensitivities pass me by. I don't notice and often fail to pick up on what is appropriate at a given time. In fact, I have that aspie symptom very strong. However, I am also very caring and kind hearted. I treat people politely and help where I can if there are problems. They can talk to me and I try my best to give advice and offer help. Also with animals I'm more caring than most people, helping injured birds on occasion.Occasion where we somehow fail to tune into someone feeling sad and so on gives the impression aspies are cold and don't empathise but I think this is not the whole picture.
I wouldn't get hung up on this one trait. Some of us lack occasional aspie traits or may not have them so strong or we don't see the trait ourselves as others do.

Okay, I don't officially have Asperger's Syndrome, but I have roughly 90% of the symptoms, and it has a serious impact on my day to day life.

However, I don't think that I have a "lack of empathy". On the contrary, I think I have a lot of empathy. I'm really good at knowing how the people in my life are feeling. I don't always know how to respond appropriately, but I do the best I can. I'm a good listener most of the time, and I spend a lot of time listening without trying to "problem solve". When something is hurting someone I love, it hurts me too. I can't say I feel much for strangers or that I ever feel anything when I hear tragic stories on the news, but I do think I have a very high level of empathy for those with whom I am close. That goes for any animals too.

I don't know if empathy came as natural for me as for other people. Aside from loving the members of my immediate family, I can't remember feeling anything I would classify as "empathy" until I was at least 16. I met someone for whom I actually felt something and whose emotions and mannerisms I understood. It grew from there and eventually extended to other people. Before that, people were just other beings who existed, and I was quite happy to spend all of my time away from them.

I guess I'm just wondering if people with Aspergers can have all of the other symptoms but still have a high level of empathy. (Granted, my expressions of said empathy are really awkward sometimes... I really have to focus on calculating when to hug people.) In my case, there are usually one or two people in my life for whom I can feel a ton of empathy and whose emotions I can tune into 24/7. Then again, if someone really hurts me or one of the people with whom I am in tune, all of my empathy can shut down. They become an un-person in my perception.

Can anyone relate?

 

[SUM1]

I'm the opposite. I don't feel empathy at all. Just don't feel it. Don't feel sad at tragic news stories, don't get offended at racist or other offensive jokes, never feel for someone who's upset.

 

[total-recoil]

I have empathy but it's not quite like N.T. empathy. I think what the empathy thing is about often refers to social inclusion. You don't feel the same kind of buzz or sense of accomplishment a group feels, like a team sports victory or something. You don't share in collective ideals. Actually I do feel a lot of sympathy for people and am often quite caring and helpful. Then, sometimes, I simply don't notice what's going on and don't pick up on something that may be important to someone else. Or I may not connect with a sensitive moment. On the other hand, my feelings are far more sincere than average.

Okay, I don't officially have Asperger's Syndrome, but I have roughly 90% of the symptoms, and it has a serious impact on my day to day life.

However, I don't think that I have a "lack of empathy". On the contrary, I think I have a lot of empathy. I'm really good at knowing how the people in my life are feeling. I don't always know how to respond appropriately, but I do the best I can. I'm a good listener most of the time, and I spend a lot of time listening without trying to "problem solve". When something is hurting someone I love, it hurts me too. I can't say I feel much for strangers or that I ever feel anything when I hear tragic stories on the news, but I do think I have a very high level of empathy for those with whom I am close. That goes for any animals too.

I don't know if empathy came as natural for me as for other people. Aside from loving the members of my immediate family, I can't remember feeling anything I would classify as "empathy" until I was at least 16. I met someone for whom I actually felt something and whose emotions and mannerisms I understood. It grew from there and eventually extended to other people. Before that, people were just other beings who existed, and I was quite happy to spend all of my time away from them.

I guess I'm just wondering if people with Aspergers can have all of the other symptoms but still have a high level of empathy. (Granted, my expressions of said empathy are really awkward sometimes... I really have to focus on calculating when to hug people.) In my case, there are usually one or two people in my life for whom I can feel a ton of empathy and whose emotions I can tune into 24/7. Then again, if someone really hurts me or one of the people with whom I am in tune, all of my empathy can shut down. They become an un-person in my perception.

Can anyone relate?

 

[lostinspace]

I feel empathy in that I will think of how I would feel if I were in that person's situation. The trouble is that I feel about things differently than other people do, I enjoy things that drive other people crazy. Other people enjoy things that drive me crazy. My worldview (described in great detail by a video I posted in a thread about religion) is totally at odds with theirs. I have totally different tastes than they do. They are so alien to me that I simply can't relate to them, even though I want to and try very hard to.

 

[jwjones87]

I struggle with empathy. Well, not really, I don't have much. When tragedies happen, I'm excited but don't feel much. I actually kinda hope for another because it's interesting. Crying people annoy the crap out of me. Boo hoo, whine to someone who cares. Does this make me a monster?

 

[total-recoil]

There are two types of crying. A lot of people cry for themselves, the worst case scenario being loss of money or some material gain. However, to cry for a loved one or over an animal you may love is, to my mind, a positive trait. Not to cry at all would indicate nothing or nobody is of any value so there is no loss. In fact, love has to have its opposite which is grief, like night and day, light and dark. The greater the love, the greater will be the grief if love is taken away (by death, for example). I have thought about how it might be not to have any emotions at all like Mr. Spock in Star Trek but then I reason nothing would have any value. Personally I think aspies do love the same as neurotypicals and I know a lot of us may cry but we differ in how we connect. In my case I connect far more to animals so most of my empathy goes in that direction.

I struggle with empathy. Well, not really, I don't have much. When tragedies happen, I'm excited but don't feel much. I actually kinda hope for another because it's interesting. Crying people annoy the crap out of me. Boo hoo, whine to someone who cares. Does this make me a monster?

 

[Ste11aeres]

Crying is an expression of sorrow. You can have the sorrow without crying. Mr Spock actually had emotions but he did not express them.

 

[imanerd]

first of all, it is one of the biggest misperceptions about AS: Aspies DO have empathetic feelings. We simply do not know WHEN to feel them, because we are not that overly-adequate at READING signs that someone is upset.

So, you can not only be with the symptoms and have the empathy, but you can be an Aspie and have empathy. We all do, at least most of the population, anyway, save for sociopaths.

 

[Sylar]

I'm the opposite. I don't feel empathy at all. Just don't feel it. Don't feel sad at tragic news stories, don't get offended at racist or other offensive jokes, never feel for someone who's upset.

I'd have to agree with this, well maybe empathy isn't the right word but more sympathy. I can usually always tell if someone is upset, though sometimes I don't understand why and think they're just exaggerating. It's more a lack of sympathy. It comes down to just not having much interest in it, because as bad and selfish as it sounds I know it doesn't affect me so there's no need to care. I know and understand how disasters and such damage the lives of those involved and their families but I don't see the point in caring since I can't do anything about it and I didn't experience loss. I'm sure the people involved wouldn't care or feel better if a stranger they will never meet feels sad or not so why go to the effort.

 

[total-recoil]

It would make a good debate to analyse the purpose of empathy. Fortunately I do have emotions although my feelings of care and better nature always seems to be directed more towards animals and, in the case of people, those who are vulnerable. I recall once coming to the aid of a young girl who was lying on the street with people just walking around her unconcerned and I immediately stooped down and asked her what was going on. She was clearly very drunk but the reason behind that was connected to some family crisis so I decided to call an ambulance. Meantime other people were approaching and came to realise there was some genuine incident, more so when paramedics arrived on the scene. I recall this girl actually beginning to sob, put her arms around me and thanking me for caring. And I recall telling her she had a responsibility to take care of herself and not to let herself be dragged down. Turned out she wasn't a drunk at all, just a normal girl who had had some bad stress issues and she even had friends (who finally went with her in the ambulance).
Basically we have to have empathy. Without empathy you can't survive because everybody needs help at some time. It's part of the evolutionary process and I don't think aspergers is a condition that makes people uncaring.

first of all, it is one of the biggest misperceptions about AS: Aspies DO have empathetic feelings. We simply do not know WHEN to feel them, because we are not that overly-adequate at READING signs that someone is upset.

So, you can not only be with the symptoms and have the empathy, but you can be an Aspie and have empathy. We all do, at least most of the population, anyway, save for sociopaths.

 

[total-recoil]

When I lack empathy this is usually the logic area of the brain over-riding the emotions. So, sometimes someone has a major emotional problem and I give a logical, systematic, analytical solution. I may fail to pick up the emotional aspect of the situation. However, this is a far stride from being cold and uncaring. Now with some criminal psychopaths (as has been said before) these people can be charming, socially adept and smooth. Yet they don't care about feelings or even moral/ethical realities in any way. They may suddenly decide to either use or ditch someone else with no concern over the matter at all. So, I think a lot of psychologists sometimes confuse this empathy situation. Most aspies are known to have high ethical standards and can get very angry over injustices. One aspie trait in fact is to feel upset when you see something isn't right. With aspergers the lack of connection reflects an apparent lack of empathy - hence the confusion.

first of all, it is one of the biggest misperceptions about AS: Aspies DO have empathetic feelings. We simply do not know WHEN to feel them, because we are not that overly-adequate at READING signs that someone is upset.

So, you can not only be with the symptoms and have the empathy, but you can be an Aspie and have empathy. We all do, at least most of the population, anyway, save for sociopaths.

 

[imanerd]

I will admit that I am totally slanted for animals, and I value their safety over human beings.

 

[imanerd]

I'm sorry to point this out, but it's been bugging me for a while now - it's supposed to be effect, not affect.

I have so much sympathy but it's all for my kitty-cat, Anna Banana. So there's the bias on my end. No one has ever said that I'm cold...well aside from my parents and sister calling me a ...... *ahem* heeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaw heeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw *ahem* and a couple times, a monster, for using pawn pieces from board games for crafts and losing them. Heck, I've had my mother say sometimes she feels like she wants to run me over with a schoolbus. My sister agreed; of course it was in half-jest though, though influenced by real feelings. Not that they'd ever do that, I must put out here.

My animal love might lead some people to call me a Hippie Hawk - an Animalistic Hardbutt, and a play on a less friendly word, which is the way I act, and what my logic often happens to be. Muahahah.

 

[Nolan1971]

As my other disorders cause me to be anywhere from extremely empathetic to outwardly cold.
I experience the same deep level of empathy either way it just does not seem that way to others.
True empathy should cause action to help someone even when no outward emotion is present your actions to assist are the real proof of your love not emotion