Events- finding the right balance

[daniegirl6224]

How do you decide which events to say no to versus which events to challenge yourself with?
Ie social events, fun loud overstimulating events

 

[Outdated]

This relates back to what I wrote about being a person you like instead of worrying about how other people might perceive you. As a young man I loved music, loved going to see live bands. I hated it when my mates tagged along and tried to make a social event out of it, they were a distraction I didn't need. They also always got in the way when I was talking to girls. I'd socialise with friends until about 10:00 pm then claim I was going home to sleep, but instead I'd get dressed and go out.

These days I'm a lot more sensitive to noise and avoid such places. I still love live music but I can't stand the loud hubub of voices talking all the time, they wear me out. Proper concerts at stadiums are OK because at least there people shut their mouths for a while and listen, but pubs and outdoor concerts are a no go for me these days.

The most important boundaries for you to set are between yourself and your friends and family. If they want you to do something and you don't want to then say so. Do not let other people make your decisions for you and don't give them the opportunity to argue with you about it. By that I mean be firm and definite in your responses. If you make it sound like you could be talked around then that is exactly what they'll try to do.

Never make excuses for yourself either, that simply gives people another opportunity to try and talk you around. A straight out No with no disclaimers, no reasons, no lame excuses. When they ask you why the correct response is "Because I don't want to.".

 

[daniegirl6224]

This relates back to what I wrote about being a person you like instead of worrying about how other people might perceive you. As a young man I loved music, loved going to see live bands. I hated it when my mates tagged along and tried to make a social event out of it, they were a distraction I didn't need. They also always got in the way when I was talking to girls. I'd socialise with friends until about 10:00 pm then claim I was going home to sleep, but instead I'd get dressed and go out.

These days I'm a lot more sensitive to noise and avoid such places. I still love live music but I can't stand the loud hubub of voices talking all the time, they wear me out. Proper concerts at stadiums are OK because at least there people shut their mouths for a while and listen, but pubs and outdoor concerts are a no go for me these days.

The most important boundaries for you to set are between yourself and your friends and family. If they want you to do something and you don't want to then say so. Do not let other people make your decisions for you and don't give them the opportunity to argue with you about it. By that I mean be firm and definite in your responses. If you make it sound like you could be talked around then that is exactly what they'll try to do.

Never make excuses for yourself either, that simply gives people another opportunity to try and talk you around. A straight out No with no disclaimers, no reasons, no lame excuses. When they ask you why the correct response is "Because I don't want to.".

Thank you for this!

 

[Sherlock77]

Going back many years ago, even pre-diagnosis I've had a rule of thumb. When working a full work week (assume Monday to Friday day shift), that I don't go out for an evening function more than twice a week. If there are three things I could attend, I will make a choice of which one not to attend (most times), and that can be a tough choice.

For me? Twice a month is a camera/photography club meeting, I do enjoy arts and culture events, a friend hosts a weekly open mic for music which I attend some weeks, but not every week... And in the summer months classic car cruise evenings

Even on the weekend I try not to over-crowd myself with events, one of few exceptions I make is in early June when a major car show happens on Saturday, then the next day is the biggest street festival of the year. Both events can be quite crowded, but many years ago I'll go to both of them, then feel exhausted by Sunday night, but that is an an exception

I can handle large crowds to a certain degree but do have a limit, also doing photography keeps me motivated at large scale events too

 

[daniegirl6224]

Going back many years ago, even pre-diagnosis I've had a rule of thumb. When working a full work week (assume Monday to Friday day shift), that I don't go out for an evening function more than twice a week. If there are three things I could attend, I will make a choice of which one not to attend (most times), and that can be a tough choice.

For me? Twice a month is a camera/photography club meeting, I do enjoy arts and culture events, a friend hosts a weekly open mic for music which I attend some weeks, but not every week... And in the summer months classic car cruise evenings

Even on the weekend I try not to over-crowd myself with events, one of few exceptions I make is in early June when a major car show happens on Saturday, then the next day is the biggest street festival of the year. Both events can be quite crowded, but many years ago I'll go to both of them, then feel exhausted by Sunday night, but that is an an exception

I can handle large crowds to a certain degree but do have a limit, also doing photography keeps me motivated at large scale events too

I love how you set healthy limits while still doing the things you enjoy! Thank you for this