Experience as a sever

[Aspychata]

So l worked a Golf and Country Club that was open to the public.

I gave my best service to people regardless of how they were dressed or anything else.

There was a couple who were very nice but obviously didn't care much about social standards. The wife was nicely dressed, but the guy came in garage work on car clothes and unshaven. Which made me kinda of giggle that he just didn't care. Now we had the same political beliefs, so l always hung out too long and talked to them. But then the cook started screwing up their orders, l think it was in retaliation to his appearance. I had a problem with that. We weren't that fancy a club, and they didn't come to membership events. I thought it was wrong for the club to be disrespectful.

Have you ever noticed things being done to others because of political beliefs, or appearance?

We had homeless people come into our LA gym locker room, and all the woman were nice to these people. So grateful LA fitness allowed them to use facilities.

 

[Progster]

I get treated in a different way because of my appearance. I have a different skin colour, facial structure and build to most people. When I speak to people, even though I speak their language quite fluently, they always speak to me in English. Even when I speak to them first in their language and it's therefore obvious that I'm not a tourist, they still speak in English. It makes no sense - if I was a tourist and didn't speak their language, then I would have spoken to them in English, or asked them if they spoke English.

And they think I can't understand them when they talk about me, I can hear them saying "foreigner". That's not a bad thing in itself, it's a correct observation, but the fact is that when they look at me, they don't see "person", they see "foreigner" and all the preconceptions, stereotypes and prejudices that go with it.

I once got told to go back to my country because I asked someone to put out his cigarette in a shop.

Another time, I bought a bus ticket and the guy asked me, "what are you?" My reply - "I'm a lion." ... well, what do you think I am, I'm a human being!

I get misunderstood a lot because I'm so obviously foreign - if I take a while to answer, they always assume that it's because I don't understand their language. It never occurs to them that it might be because I need time to process and get my thoughts in order.

Also, if I have an unusual opinion, or if I am a bit different or do things differently, it's automatically because I'm foreign as far as they are concerned - it doesn't cross their mind that it might be because I'm a free-thinking individual with my own thoughts, opinions and personality. You see, I'm not a person, I'm a country lol. Of course, not all people are like this, but most are - they just assume.

Someone I know who is also a foreigner here told me that he told someone his nationality, and he got told "never mind, it doesn't matter."

I don't dress like a typical female. I wear unisex or men's clothing, and have short hair. I was walking along the path at a National Trust place, and overtook a couple of elderly ladies. I thought nothing of this, but did notice them. I got to the car park and they were sitting on a bench. I heard one of them say to the other, "these days you can never tell whether it's a man or a woman." Lol! I just knew that they were talking about me. I thought, well, you might be hard of hearing, but I'm not and I can hear everything you say!

I had a student about 12 years old who started to ask me some very strange questions... well, not really strange questions, but I thought it was strange she was asking me them. What I thought of homosexuality, what toilets trans or bisexual people use, whether I was homophobic (No!). Every time we had a lesson, she would ask such questions, and I would tell her, I don't know and if she wanted such information she would need to ask someone in that community. Then it clicked. She thought I was either gay or bisexual (probably based solely on my appearance, because nothing I have told her would give her reason to conclude this) I told her, no I'm not, and if you wanted to know that all you had to do was ask!!

 

[Aspychata]

If you don't fit social standards of "normal" your whole existence is thrown in your face. I don't date much at all. I am pretty happy in my single world. So l am therefore assumed to be gay, because l am a female who isn't interested in dating men. I don't fit the norm of a feminine looking female who isn't driven to be in a relationship with a male. So co-workers start assuming wrong things about me which is infuriating that people assume you have to pair up to fit in. Screw that. So l feel like l am a foreigner too like @Progster .

Looks, sexual orientation, communication style - these can all make you feel like a social outcast and the world is too rigid a place for some of us.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I always treat servers nicely (and tip well). I have read Nickled and Dimed in America and also know that such workers base is below minimum wage. Plus I have seen the videos of people abusing servers. That's horrible.

When I am out doing my outdoor activities I will wear my gear to restaurants. Otherwise I will take the time to be presentable. Traveling solo one may never know who one may be dining with. Only once in thousands of meals out, solo, but hope springs eternal.

Well, I have felt like an outcast when I was socially isolated, but that is on me. Travel in asia and all normal references on behavior don't help one bit. So, one starts out feeling foreign and not knowing so much. In Japan, while tolerant of some behaviors, it helps to learn some etiquitte to at least show you care. Plus, I have found that enjoying the country's food goes a long way.

 

[Outdated]

I grew up in a world of this "class distinction", I grew up in one of those rough neighbourhoods at the lower end of the socio-economic ladder, but at the same time I was the son of a constitutional lawyer and aspiring politician. Most of the people in the streets were far more accepting and more honest and honourable than the people my father wanted me to associate with and emulate. I took a great dislike to this judgement of people by appearance and I often played on it.

Many years ago I lived in South Melbourne, one of those upmarket areas where young women would dress up in their best clothes and come just to be seen sitting at a sidewalk cafe. Who they hoped to be seen by and why this mattered to them always baffled me. I used to go to the pub in ink spattered jeans and a blue singlet, I made a point of doing this. The people that deigned to speak with me discovered that I was well educated and eloquent and this confused many of them. I heard someone behind my back say one night "I know, and the little bastard earns more than you and me put together.".

One group of women that were regular drinkers there thought I was gay, probably because I never tried to chat them up. I also became good friends with many of the gay people that drank there, of both genders. I was actually in a relationship for four years with one of the other women who also drank there but it was a casual relationship and we kept it discreet. I never bothered to abuse those women of their misconceptions, I thought the situation was hilariously funny. It's surprising how many women want to tell you all about their sex lives when they think you're gay, I never understood this. Were they trying to convert me?

And I'm the abnormal one.