Fake friends

[Geordie]

Do you make use of your friends? Or are you really sincere in making sincere relationships?

 

[kasmanaft08]

If you mean, do I use people, then no I don't, personally.

If I like someone, and I'm being nice and want to be friends, then it's completely sincere. Sometimes in real life, it won't come off that way due to a lot of confusion about my Aspberger's. But I find friendships and relationships in general rather difficult, and have had my share of failures and isolation from it, so it's completely sincere when I attempt to keep one up. It's too much work, in my opinion, for something that shallow. I'm hoping that people with some understanding of my psychology will make a big difference, though.

The reason why I got on this forum in the first place

 

[Geordie]

Good for you - why take advantage of friends for personal gains, when sincerity goes a longer way?

 

[Arashi222]

I make real friends not use people. I have been told though that I don't know how to be a friend. But then again this person also thought that everything I did was being a Drama Llama (this often referred to my needs to have things being the same and having meltdowns when they didn't go the way they said they were supposed to go). So I don't know how accurate that assetment of me (there are other issues with that former friend) but I think its wrong to use people for the things they can do for you. I mean wouldn't you rather have a true friend? I would.

 

[Caspar]

We all 'make use' of our friends - that's what friends are for, I think. We rely on each other. As for fake friends, no, I don't think I have any 'fake' friends but to be honest, a lot of my 'friends' are really friends of convenience. We're only friends because we are in similar situations and see each other a lot. But that's because I suck at meeting new people so I rarely meet like-minded people whom I click with.

 

[Kelly]

I would never use someone and when I try to make friends it is completely sincere...it's me who always gets used and then tossed away.

 

[Arashi222]

I would never use someone and when I try to make friends it is completely sincere...it's me who always gets used and then tossed away.

Same here. Or at least that is what it feels like. Like once I've outlived my usefulness then I start being too burdensome or something and they disappear.

 

[Alpaca]

Same here. Or at least that is what it feels like. Like once I've outlived my usefulness then I start being too burdensome or something and they disappear.

I hate that! It's like how they only call you if they need something.

 

[Arashi222]

I hate that! It's like how they only call you if they need something.

Yah. Its only a one way street with some people, and as soon as they don't have a use for you its over and they just dump you with some lame excuse. Or they just stop talking to you and you have no idea what happened to them. I had girl basically tell me that I'm to much of a burden to be friends with so go find people like me. (heh so I did and here I am)

 

[ThDude]

What is the difference in a fake friend and a real one if the person who is being faked out is not aware of the situation?

I have several people I do favors for and am nice to all the time, I don't dislike them or like them really. I just build up their trust in me and keep going favors and being nice so that when I need something for myself I can call on them. It's mutual exchange of use. All relationships have them, I just am aware of it more.

 

[Caspar]

What is the difference in a fake friend and a real one if the person who is being faked out is not aware of the situation?

All friendships involve a mutual exchange of favors. But being a real friend means that you forgive them even when they did something that hurt you. Being a real friend means that you trust them and they trust you. If a "real friend" is what I defined above, most people have very few "real friends," if any. To give a more concrete example, one time when I borrowed my friend's car, bad things happened...but he forgave me and we are still friends.

 

[Arashi222]

All friendships involve a mutual exchange of favors. But being a real friend means that you forgive them even when they did something that hurt you. Being a real friend means that you trust them and they trust you. If a "real friend" is what I defined above, most people have very few "real friends," if any. To give a more concrete example, one time when I borrowed my friend's car, bad things happened...but he forgave me and we are still friends.

Exactly! It means that you trust them and they trust you enough that it doesn't matter what happens you are still friends and work through the differences. I agree with Caspar that we have very few people that we can count on like that...or count on like that continually.