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Family life with Aspergers

Christophe

Christophe

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Good day,

Ive been diagnosed with Aspergers a month ago. I had no idea this condition existed. the more i rescherched it the more I saw and recognised myself. Even as a child.

My poor wife... the strongest, nicest, loving being I've ever met. I try to remember to tell her that I apreciate her and everything she does, but with my other conditions... (Major depression, Anxiety, OCD and Bartenella) its very dificult for me to think of anything else at the moment. I feel responsible for the death of our first unborn child, the doctor's and my wife tell me that it was not my fault, but no one is able to garanty it to me. So I keep feelling responsible and that kills me... it was my first trigger to the Major deppression, the drop that made everything overflow was work: I had just started in a new position and the last person to leave, left the place ain such a disaster that it was impossible to remedy. I tried my best but my name started to appear on documents and was being dragged through the mud for things I did not do. and I was unable to deal with that... it put me in a state, and I was forced by my doctors to stop working. I was hospitalized after seeing a dozen different psychiatrists and psychologists. they put me on so many meds, they started to call it a soup! Ive been off work since june 2011.
My wife in all of this has been lost and depressed. We were able to have a child before all of this, and my baby girl keeps my wife sane but makes me worry as to when she will die on a daily basis. I dont know why and it drains me of all my energy.

My poor daughter sees her dad, as she should not... I should be strong, and I should be able to support and protect my family but it is so difficult to even sleep, not to mention get up and do stuff during the day.

How do I make this go away?????
 
Hi Christophe! Your story reminded me a lot of a radio show I just heard. Not that I'm a professional, but I wonder if they used too many meds? Probably not my business. But anyway, here's the link to the half hour broadcast about depression and recovery: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/radio.aspx?ID={1A0F9D4F-C845-46AD-B196-41C170EFCE27} It is a christian radio show, but if that is not you, I think you might still get alot out of it. He successfully recovered with the help of a great psychiatrist and others. His issues were somewhat different- but maybe you'll get some insight on where to go next. He had the sleep issue too. I do know without rest, obsessive negative thoughst get much worse. I have had this experience myself. But somehow they helped him be able to sleep. You can also call Focus on the Family for advice for free, if you feel you might want to. Maybe you can try different professionals? I wish I had more answers for you. Maybe someone else will. : )

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/radio.aspx?ID={1A0F9D4F-C845-46AD-B196-41C170EFCE27} I added the link again because it was crowded up there.
 
Hi again, Christophe.

You certainly do have a lot to deal with. I don't think that there are any easy solutions or you & your medical team would've thought about them & implemented them already. I think that a 1 issue at a time approach might be helpful. Losing an unborn child is a tragedy few people truly understand the impact of. It can be as devastating as losing baby. the feelings of guilt, depression & anxiety around this are completely normal & to be expected. I'm not saying they're easy, fun or pleasant but the grieving process looks a lot like what you've described. You might look around at support groups or forums for people who have lost unborn children or lost a baby. Sharing your sentiments with others who've shared similar experiences might help you deal with these feelings more effectively.

You might consider working with your pharmacist & your doctors to get all those medications under control. Right now, it would be hard for you to differentiate between a side effect & a symptom- even then, a symptom of what?!? Many here share my reservations over this medical tendency to over-prescribe. A patient walks away with a prescription for every symptom he mentions & then others still to counteract the side effects of the medications! So long as you're a walking pharmacy, you will continue o suffer from every symptom known to mankind. Asperger's itself is NOT a condition for which medication needs to be prescribed: it isn't a disease or a sickness any more than left handedness is. How are you doing nutritionally? Many symptoms that look like other things (depression, anxiety, insomnia, lethargy for ex.) can actually be caused by nutritional deficiencies. Do you eat well? Are you a drinker or a drug abuser? Do you exercise regularly? Many doctors are so used to taking a pharmaceutical approach that they don't even think to ask about & check though testing, what a person's nutritional profile is. If you are deficient in iron, B12, A+D for ex. you will be drained, anxious & overtired & depressive with memory problems. This is how Drs may find themselves treating symptoms but ignoring causes.

I mentioned in another thread (your intro) that your wife is in a really tough spot. As a mother, I remember how draining & demanding toddlers are. Your health problems notwithstanding, your daughter's needs, care & support are realities you cannot neglect or be absolved of unless you're comatose. I don't mean to sound uncaring or unsympathetic to your struggles but if you can find the energy to go out at night & pick fights with drunken street types, you can definitely take on more of the care for your daughter. Think of what will happen the night your wife is up with your daughter because she has the sniffles, the phone rings & it is the police telling her that you have been arrested for assault possibly causing death. As distressed & upset as you may be, you have no right to risk their stability & sanity. If she took the child & ran as far & as fast as her legs could carry her in those circumstances, few would blame her.

As for making this 'go away', no matter where you go, there you are. If the problems are inside of you, they'll follow you wherever you go. Eventually, you'll need to break them down & address them one by one.
 
"You might look around at support groups or forums for people who have lost unborn children or lost a baby. Sharing your sentiments with others who've shared similar experiences might help you deal with these feelings more effectively." I very much agree. It's a whole different ballgame when you talk to people who know by experience what you are going through. It may also provide accountability to help you be more stable for the sake of your family. An in person support group would probably be best, but whatever you can find online will be better than nothing.

 
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