family of enablers

[Turk]

Hey people,
Need a little advice.
Since finding out that I had Aspergers, some years ago, it has become apparent to me,that my mother and sister share my traits. Their behavior at family functions is appalling. I barely have the strenygth to deal with my own issue's ,let alone theirs.They have no idea of their potential condition and having them around me, almost drags me back to the place, ive just climbed out of. Id like to talk to them about it but they are as self righteous as I was. In order to have them in my life,i need them to see what I see. Im having enough trouble saving myself, without having to throw them a life line. I want them in my life, but not like this. They trigger anxieties in me that undermine every thing, ive learnt

Cheers
Turk

 

[asnlifecoach]

Unfortunately, we cannot force others to change. Instead we must make choices that are the best for us, and then accept how others react to those choices. You want your mother and sister in your life. But you don't want them in your life the way they are currently behaving. So here you have 2 choices. 1. Keep your mother and sister in your life regardless. 2. Make it clearly and impeccably known what you expect out of them, and if they live up to your expectations they remain in your life, and if they do not you have to make the choice to distance yourself so that you can continue to grown and learn without any hinderances.

Like I said, you can't force them to change, but you can make changes that might cause them to rethink their own behaviors...but you have to be willing to accept the fact that they may still remain the same. This is very scary, these options, but if you can make a decision and be happy and confident with your choice, you have far surpassed most people typical or autistic!

 

[Sami Eder]

If it were me. I would write a letter to each of them. Let them know your honest opinion and your concerns and how things have changed for you. It helps you help them, but keeps you at a distance as well.

 

[Arashi222]

Hey Turk. As Aspielifecoach said. You can't change people. But you can give them information. Maybe talk to them individually about what you have seen. Do they recognize that you have Autism? That could be a starting point in the discussion. Good luck.

 

[Ereth]

I like Sami's and Arashi's ideas---you could talk to each of them one-on-one. A letter might be a good idea, since you can take the time to write down your thoughts and feelings and get them organized.