• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Father with Autism

M

mw2530

Well-Known Member
Most of my posts to date are regarding my struggles with autism, but it is clear it is common in much of my family. My dad is 72 years old and I am 100% sure he is autistic. I realized it when I was in my mid 20's, about the same time I realized I am on the spectrum. It manifests much different in him then myself. He loves to talk nonstop to almost anyone. I am very quiet. He oversteps boundaries all the time and this has caused problems over and over again. He has bad social skills and almost never listens. When I talk to him, the conversation is so one-sided, he could talk for hours about himself and what he did during the week with a million irrelevant details. I understand that he can't control some of this and it is probably hypocritical of me to criticize some of the traits that I say NT's should be more tolerant about. But it is so frustrating and tough to have any sort of relationship with him. The other day he stopped over at my apartment unexpected at around 9 am. I was very angry since it was so rude of him to stop over w/out any notice. He has also done this to my two brothers as well. They are both married and my fathers behaviors have caused strained relationships between my family and their wives. He has overstepped boundaries over and over again which has angered the wives and caused many problems. He visits his neighbors unannounced which has caused disputes. My father is not going to change at his age. He will not listen to anyone when we ask him to do or not do something. It is super frustrating.

I have my own problems and stress in my life - it is tough when this is an added stress to my life and the rest of my family. I feel bad for him b/c he has unknowingly had to struggle with this his whole life and no one gave him the help he needed. But looking back, it has caused a lot of stress on my life as well as much of my close family when we were growing up. It often feels like he is the kid and us kids have had to act like the adults. He is only getting older so I try to do my best to maintain a relationship, but right now there is a lot of negativity with his relationship with my family. I'm tired of struggling - everywhere I look in my life there is some sort of pervasive problem it seems. Not sure the purpose of this post is other than to complain. Maybe I just need to focus on my problems and let go of things I can't control.
 
Complaining is allowed. Sounds like you need to start coming up with handy excuses:

Oh, Dad, you're going to have to go now. I've got a doctor appointment in an hour.
 
Sounds just like my little brother! Since he’s my brother I can just tell him to sit down (he paces when he talks) and slow down. He will for about 30 seconds.
He lives out of state or he would drive me censored nuts.
I don’t know how much control your dad has over his behavior or if he has gotten any useful feedback from others over the years. Maybe he could adjust a bit so it would be easier to be around him?
 
I agree with making excuses. He's not going to be around that much longer and all the wives need to try to be a little more understanding. And it does seem to regress as you get older. His memory probably isn't going to be so great that he will remember any input anyone tries to give him this late in life.
Let your wives vent and you keep venting, whatever you need to do to deal with it. :) (Getting old isn't fun and can be lonely).
 
Please try to maintain a relationship with your father. He is not going to be with you forever. You'll probably feel better in the future when you realize you gave him the proper attention of a dutiful son. Also, take this opportunity to ask him questions about the family from years gone by. He likes to talk, so give him a topic that benefits everyone. Many of us wish we had been closer to our grandparents because they left us while we were still fairly young. We never said the things we wanted to say and we never got the stories we wish we had heard. He is your father, but he is still with you. Make quality time.
 
I totally get this! my mums a bit much too. I have just come to terms and accepted that this is just her and all I can do is make her happy as I wouldnt want her to feel like poop. Just lay boundaries with you dad and communicate more and let him know your feelings. I second what Peter says.
There will come a time when you will think back and have a giggle about how he'd turn up un announced and all other quirks.
Wives will be wives and it sounds like they just don't understand your father like how you would not understand their father.
 
Just keep on tolerating him. What goes around doesn't always come around but if we keep giving it to others, at least there will be tolerance in this world. When the anger wells up, best to remember that he is not intruding on you to upset you. He just wants to be your dad, even when it's spontaneous and inconvenient.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom