Fear of going alone to the forest, nature, etc.

[AuroraBorealis]

This may sound a bit unusual. I'd like to know whether others among you experience this too, and what I could do to make it better.

I absolutely love being on my own, both indoors and outdoors. I love going on walks by myself, with my headphones in, listening to a song or an audio book, or sometimes also with no background noise. The struggle is, I am scared of going by myself to places outside of where people live: forests, hikes in nature. Especially when it's dark, but also during daytime. I find this very sad, because I enjoy solitude so much.
It's important to add that my headphones have a setting where, in addition to the music, I hear the surroundings very well. It's called "ambient sound". I put it on when I'm somewhere where I want to stay alert to my surroundings, but still need the music as soothing background noise. So when I have my headphones on, I'm not blocking out the outside entirely. I make it a judgment call whether it's safe to put NC on.

I live in a standard place, not particularly unsafe or anything. Of course there's no guarantee of not running into the lone serial killer or rapist in the woods, but it's not more likely than anywhere else.

I haven't experienced anything traumatic of the sorts so far in my life, maybe apart from growing up in a subjectively unsafe environment, due to my dad's frequent mood swings. As a woman, I just grew up with the eternal "don't go into the park at night", "you shouldn't go on a walk now, it's already dark" (we lived in a very safe area), "you shouldn't travel there alone", "don't go into that forest by yourself", "have someone pick you up from that party", "have him walk you to the bus stop", "be on alert whenever you cross paths with an unknown man", "don't look into their face", "don't smile at them", "watch what you're wearing", "don't provoke", etc. etc. etc. Of course there are valid reasons for those concerns and it's not like they're all unreasonable, but I feel like adding them all together and hearing them so often over my life, I've internalized them in a way that makes me too afraid to do things I'd really like to do, and which are rationally safe enough (such as going on a hike in the forest by myself during daytime, not being afraid the whole time). I love the nighttime and the darkness, but going somewhere in nature when it's dark would be out of the question.

Doing a longer hiking trip on my own, maybe even with sleeping in a tent, would be out of the question for me right now. I wouldn't be able to close my eyes out of fear of someone getting to me at night.

I feel like it got out of hand. It's alright to have a healthy fear and respect, but I'm sick of only going to forests and other secluded places with my partner. I want to go alone, and not be afraid. I don't want to feel so exposed and helpless all the time. It's not at all as if I'd be home all the time, too scared to go outside - I live my life well enough - but I don't do things which I'd really like to do, out of fear.

I already started doing kickboxing a while ago, and I want to start again (I've been out of it for the past year). That helps a bit to feel less defenseless. Also, in the future, we want to get a dog, a larger breed, and I feel like that would also help me to feel less afraid when outside alone. But that's still quite far in the future.

I also know that, rationally, cities are much more dangerous than nature, in terms of being attacked by someone. But, for some reason, my brain doesn't care.

Interestingly, when I was volunteering at that place with the dogs in spring, in the middle of nowhere, I was barely scared at all to go on walks by myself - because I knew that there were exactly 3 other people living in a 20km radius (approximately), and the probability of meeting another person was basically zero.

 

[Misty Avich]

I never understand how many people on these forums go walking alone in nature places, especially in the dark, because where I come from it's dangerous to be walking alone where there's nobody else around, because of rapists and murderers.

A rapist isn't going to rape you in the middle of a busy city centre, they're more likely to rape when there's nobody around, so that they can get away with it and nobody will hear you if you scream. There was a serial killer in my city, he'd lurk around in the most beautiful nature parts of the city (like in wooded areas around the park) and wait for someone to be coming along and then jump out of a bush and stab them to death. He got away with the first two killings because there was nobody around to witness it or to call 999. When he was waiting for his third victim, a woman walking her dog thought she saw him hiding in some bushes near a river, and she quietly turned around again and called the police. They came and he got arrested. He had a knife on him, so it was clear that he was intending to stab again.

The woman with the dog said on the news that she's scared to walk her dog in quiet places now, so prefers to walk her dog in the city where she feels safer.

And I know how she feels. I actually feel safer walking in a busy, crowded area. My social anxiety is higher but my stranger danger anxiety is lower. When walking in lonely places my social anxiety is lower but my stranger danger anxiety is higher.

Just because there are more people in the city centre doesn't mean you're more likely to get stabbed or raped, unless you are part of a gang or owe people money for drugs or something, but I'm talking about random attacks here. I don't belong to any gangs and I don't do drugs, so I feel pretty safe walking along the street where there are lots of other people around. But if I'm walking somewhere lonely and quiet, I find I keep looking over my shoulder thinking I'm being followed by some weirdo or they're going to jump out from a bush with a knife. Also drug dealers can hang about in wooded areas, selling illegal drugs where they can't be seen, and they can be intimidating or predatory to a person walking by.

 

[AuAL]

I read and hear your concerns, both of you. It is appalling that you have to feel this way but, given the current state of affairs in so many countries, it is understandable. This not a situation we are going to be able to solve here. There are some trying to make social change.

@Misty Avich, with respect, you are not describing wilderness areas. Parks in cities often tend to be places where there is inadequate lighting and abundant cover. If you travel to areas out of urban limits, far out of them, the likelihood of lurking strangers generally plummets. I will not claim there is zero chance of unfortunate interactions, but the probability is low.

@AuroraBorealis, there are spaces that are much safer to access, not too far from many major cities. I cannot speak with authority about many regions of the world but where I am (major Australian city) I am about one and a half hours’ drive from a national park. (OK, I must admit that there have been incidents of harassment in bush reserves closer to the city. Appalling.)

I have yet to try night walking in wilderness, but am eager to see what it is like. With no lights, the experience is reportedly quite extraordinary. But, it might be wise to try in company, at least to start with. Not least, if you have a mishap, turn an ankle in a fall, it would be nice to have someone else by your side.

I guess one takeaway is that experiencing nature with a companion can be positive and mutually uplifting. And a bit safer even if, like me, you are an old man.

I have not, generally, in 60 years of hiking and camping, planned trips with overnight “bivouacs”. I always set camp in a location and “day walk” from and to that. Perhaps my range is limited by that, but it is more limited by the osteoarthritis in my knees these days.

I hope you find a safe way to experience “forest bathing”. It is always nice to hear from someone else for whom connection with nature is important.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

But if I'm walking somewhere lonely and quiet, I find I keep looking over my shoulder thinking I'm being followed by some weirdo or they're going to jump out from a bush with a knife.

I feel the same way. However, unlike you, I don't feel like that's necessary where I live. I live in a smaller city in a generally safe part of a generally safe country, with no external "risk factors for harassment" other than being a young and reasonably pretty woman.
This country and this city have had their share of criminals in the past, but not excessively so. Not in a way that makes me afraid of something specific.

I know that the worries have their reasons, but I just enjoy nature and solitude too much to simply accept it. I don't live somewhere where I have to think "oh, I'm a woman, so I can't go alone into the forest, tough luck, that's just how it is, move on". There are many parts of the world this applies to, but I don't live in one of them. So I don't want my brain to tell me otherwise. Where I live, I can be outside in nature on my own - many, many women do it. There's the standard background probability of something happening, but that's everywhere. I don't want to be afraid all the time.

@Forest Cat, you seem to have deleted your post, but I hope it's okay that I still address you (if otherwise, let me know and I'll delete this paragraph). What you wrote, that's how I'd like to feel - my biggest fear being bears (or some other animal), and thinking, if someone wants to attack me, they'll have a hard time trying. That's why I started doing martial arts. I know that that doesn't protect me from everything - far from it - but I just want to feel less scared.

But, it might be wise to try in company, at least to start with. Not least, if you have a mishap, turn an ankle in a fall, it would be nice to have someone else by your side.

I guess one takeaway is that experiencing nature with a companion can be positive and mutually uplifting.

Absolutely, and I love hiking with my partner. I still want to do that. But I want to also hike on my own, with no overly present fear.

 

[FilterFreq]

I can't say for sure, but it sounds like a survival mechanism. It's there for a reason, and likely evolutionary.

Of course, you can push back on this and sway those feelings a little with practice (after all, we're malleable and we all know what's best for ourselves at the end of the day), but it's not a bad idea to be self-preserving.

Sometimes I like to remember that there's usually a solid reason for most fears and anxieties, even if people like to tell us they're "irrational". Finding that reason doesn't always make them go away instantly, but it helps when you want to target an area and bend it to your will a little more.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

As @AuAL describes, the wilderness is where people are not, or at least, very, very few, and if you do, it is likely other hikers like you or perhaps a friendly local that has little interest in you. Human "predators" are not going to be around because they are looking for frequent opportunities, in other words, where people are. Green areas in cities and suburbs, where lighting is poor, cover is good, and they have frequent opportunities is where human predators are. Out in the bush, those opportunities are extremely limited. They aren't interested in that.

Wild animals come in a variety, (1) those that know humans as predators and will scurry away before you even know they are there, (2) those that don't know humans as predators, are curious, and will walk right up to you, (3) predators like bears, wolves, and mountain lions (in the US) where if you are in their territory (you should know before going), you make enough noise, carry bells, whistles, air horns, and bear spray they will leave you alone. The extremely rare cases of animal attacks usually occur because you silently stumbled on to them, you had your ear buds in and didn't hear their noise, and you decided to run away (triggering their instincts to chase). The family dog will chase you if you run. Same thing. I've seen tiny little house cats chase a huge bear out of a yard. If you've seen a tiny little terrier chase a mountain lion out of the yard. Animals respond to indicators of dominance and aggression, and not physical size.

At any rate, in general, though, when my wife and I go on hikes into the wilderness, it is to see wildlife, beautiful scenery, immerse ourselves in nature, and get away from people. Animal encounters are generally beautiful, and special. If you get away from the glow of the city lights, the night sky is spectacular. It's a special thing for my wife and I to share.

 

[Outdated]

As a woman, I just grew up with the eternal "don't go into the park at night", "you shouldn't go on a walk now, it's already dark" (we lived in a very safe area), "you shouldn't travel there alone", "don't go into that forest by yourself", "have someone pick you up from that party", "have him walk you to the bus stop", "be on alert whenever you cross paths with an unknown man", "don't look into their face", "don't smile at them", "watch what you're wearing", "don't provoke", etc. etc. etc.

There's a lot of gender bias in the way children are raised but there's also a lot of people that are simply afraid of dark empty places. I live in a city surrounded by parks, when I was living on the streets I used to sleep in one of the parks because I felt safer there. Most people are scared of dark places even in well manicured parks, let alone true wilderness.

That was the specific reason I felt safe sleeping in a park, all of the human predators were terrified of it. They all stayed in amongst the tall buildings and slept on the cold hard concrete where as I had a safe place where people wouldn't go and I slept on a nice soft bed of pine needles.

But I had a different upbringing to most people, my Mum's family were bush people and we were taught how to live in the bush and live with nature. As children we were often taken camping in remote places and we grew up loving the natural world. I trust nature far more readily than I trust humans.

This is where I slept:
Google Maps

 

[TBRS1]

I wish I could offer some help here, but, in truth, I can't suggest brushing those concerns away.

I spend a lot of time alone in the woods. I've never met anybody worse than a skunk. But there are more dangerous creatures out there. Humans, for example.

Maybe make sure that you always carry a working phone, bear spray, an airhorn, and something sharp with spikey things that poke out between your fingers when you clutch it (keys on a ring are typical).

The odds are that you will never, ever need them. But have them anyway.

 

[thejuice]

There's a lot of gender bias in the way children are raised but there's also a lot of people that are simply afraid of dark empty places. I live in a city surrounded by parks, when I was living on the streets I used to sleep in one of the parks because I felt safer there. Most people are scared of dark places even in well manicured parks, let alone true wilderness.

That was the specific reason I felt safe sleeping in a park, all of the human predators were terrified of it. They all stayed in amongst the tall buildings and slept on the cold hard concrete where as I had a safe place where people wouldn't go and I slept on a nice soft bed of pine needles.

But I had a different upbringing to most people, my Mum's family were bush people and we were taught how to live in the bush and live with nature. As children we were often taken camping in remote places and we grew up loving the natural world. I trust nature far more readily than I trust humans.

This is where I slept:
Google Maps

That's funny to think about, criminals being scared of the dark

I watched a programme where a presenter went to the Canadian Rockies to experience total wilderness. He burst in to tears immediately.

 

[thejuice]

My uncle died solo hiking in the desserts of Peru, it even made the news. If you go out on your own in the wilderness, you're always risking your life.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Completely out of the question for me. We have a row of leland cypress trees in our yard and one that is off to the side of the others. At one point, when I would go out to clean the yard behind where the dogs go out ,I would walk over there and stand between them to imagine that I was in a forest. I would only stand there about one minute but the one tree blocked view of me from the house. My dad wacked the lower limbs off "for my protection " so it doesn't feel like a forest there at all now. Supposedly he was afraid a wild animal would kill me. Mama tries to provide me some freedom when she can such as when he is at work but he usually doesn't want me to clean the yard, check the mail or anything without being watched by him. He has freaked out yelling for me before because I went to the restroom without his knowledge and he thought I had went outside or something. He alternates between mocking me about getting older (I'm 32 now) and having these weird talks in private with me about how his baby girl is "growing up "(present tense as though I were not already grown) so fast and like he's trying to accept it. My Mama and I have not told him yet about the science program that I have signed up for at the community college. I am dreading when he finds out.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

I find the reactions here interesting. For some reason, I expected it to be far more common for people to go hiking by themselves, and to be far less common to be so scared of it.

If you go out on your own in the wilderness, you're always risking your life.

I am fully aware of the risks associated with nature itself: weather, animals, having an accident, getting lost, and so on. I am not underestimating these risks.

Also, I feel like I need to clarify that I am not necessarily talking about a several-day hike in the middle of nowhere, completely off civilization, in the midst of the Rockies, or similar. (Although they are absolutely stunning, I have been there with my partner). I have the biggest respect of doing those sort of things alone.
I am talking about taking a few hours walk in a forest close to a city, where there are people walking their dogs, and clean trails, there are no bears or large predators who pose a real threat. I find it unnecessary to be scared of doing that alone (although I am).

 

[Forest Cat]

I am talking about taking a few hours walk in a forest close to a city, where there are people walking their dogs, and clean trails, there are no bears or large predators who pose a real threat. I find it unnecessary to be scared of doing that alone (although I am).

What you call scared, I call a healthy sense of self-preservation. It's good to be careful, the world is not a nice place. But I was thinking, if you find it scary, maybe you could start with small walks and then gradually make the walks longer? To get more used to it, ease into it. Just take some short walks now and then until you feel more comfortable and then make the walks a little longer. After a while I'll bet you'll go on two day camping trips without being scared.

 

[Misty Avich]

I find the reactions here interesting. For some reason, I expected it to be far more common for people to go hiking by themselves, and to be far less common to be so scared of it.

I am fully aware of the risks associated with nature itself: weather, animals, having an accident, getting lost, and so on. I am not underestimating these risks.

Also, I feel like I need to clarify that I am not necessarily talking about a several-day hike in the middle of nowhere, completely off civilization, in the midst of the Rockies, or similar. (Although they are absolutely stunning, I have been there with my partner). I have the biggest respect of doing those sort of things alone.
I am talking about taking a few hours walk in a forest close to a city, where there are people walking their dogs, and clean trails, there are no bears or large predators who pose a real threat. I find it unnecessary to be scared of doing that alone (although I am).

That's what I was referring to in my reply. I knew you weren't talking about in the middle of the desert or on the moon.
Sadly in the UK it is advised by police to not go walking anywhere lonely, if you live in large towns and cities. So because of these drug addicts and incels and other dangerous threats like that, we can't enjoy a peaceful walk in nature.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

What you call scared, I call a healthy sense of self-preservation.

Maybe you're right, I don't know. I feel like me being too scared to do that is unusual. Maybe it depends on the place where one lives, or what kind of people one knows. The people I know aren't all super outdoorsy, but no one (the women either) are in any way afraid of going alone somewhere in nature. They might have respect of it, but they're not too scared to do it.

maybe you could start with small walks and then gradually make the walks longer? To get more used to it, ease into it. Just take some short walks now and then until you feel more comfortable and then make the walks a little longer. After a while I'll bet you'll go on two day camping trips without being scared.

Thanks for the advice!

Sadly in the UK it is advised by police to not go walking anywhere lonely, if you live in large towns and cities. So because of these drug addicts and incels and other dangerous threats like that, we can't enjoy a peaceful walk in nature.

Really? I'm sorry about that. I have never heard of such a warning anywhere where I live (not the UK). I am surprised that that's such an official thing in the UK. I wouldn't have expected that.
Does "anywhere lonely" include nature areas outside of the city, but still within reach of public transport etc.? I understand a warning to not go to lonely areas within the city, or city parks at night, or the outskirts. But nature in 1-2 hours reachable from the city? That would really surprise me.

 

[TBRS1]

Weirdly, the closer one is to easy access of lonely rural spaces, the more dangerous it is - because, in most places, humans are the most dangerous predators.

The predators seek out lonely places that are easy to get to.

(my S.O. loves true crime stories. I hear about people coming to grief in lonely places near cities far too often for comfort)

 

[Neonatal RRT]

My uncle died solo hiking in the desserts of Peru, it even made the news. If you go out on your own in the wilderness, you're always risking your life.

Understandable. A desert, in general, is a pretty inhospitable environment to begin with. I've done some late Spring/early Summer desert hiking (about 4-5 times), and frankly, it was some of the most beautiful and yet unenjoyable experiences in my life. Can it be beautiful? Yes. Do you experience things you could never do elsewhere? Yes. However, each time, even for a 4-6 hour period, it was nearly unbearable and one can never underestimate the amount of insensible water loss you will experience. I lost about 20lbs of water on a day's hike. Emptied my 4 canteens of water (it was hot water in a few hours). My joints ached for days and it took me nearly 2 weeks to gain that weight back. My wife and my youngest teenage son (at the time) had to turn back about 45 minutes into the hike as he was already getting light-headed.

If you do go, and I think people should go. Hindsight being 20/20, I would suggest going in the early spring when the temperatures are more moderate and the flora is in bloom. In the US, I would recommend March. The night sky in the desert is spectacular.

 

[Misty Avich]

Really? I'm sorry about that. I have never heard of such a warning anywhere where I live (not the UK). I am surprised that that's such an official thing in the UK. I wouldn't have expected that.
Does "anywhere lonely" include nature areas outside of the city, but still within reach of public transport etc.? I understand a warning to not go to lonely areas within the city, or city parks at night, or the outskirts. But nature in 1-2 hours reachable from the city? That would really surprise me.

I grew up in a small town, and although nothing drastic really happened in this humble little town, when I was at high school we were often told not to walk the "lonely" routes to or from school unless we were with at least one friend. Sadly I didn't have many friends that wanted to walk with me, so often I had to go the longer route (which was busy), although when I got older I started taking the shortcut route (which was the quiet way) and nothing really happened apart from being bullied but no physical harm was done (I got bullied on the busy route too, so that didn't make any difference). I also got attacked by dogs when walking the quiet route. Well, they were friendly, but being a child with a fear of dogs it felt like an attack, as they were running in circles around me and jumping up, completely ignoring their owner who was calling them. It was in a field, so dog owners were allowed to let their dogs off the leash in fields.

 

[thejuice]

Understandable. A desert, in general, is a pretty inhospitable environment to begin with. I've done some late Spring/early Summer desert hiking (about 4-5 times), and frankly, it was some of the most beautiful and yet unenjoyable experiences in my life. Can it be beautiful? Yes. Do you experience things you could never do elsewhere? Yes. However, each time, even for a 4-6 hour period, it was nearly unbearable and one can never underestimate the amount of insensible water loss you will experience. I lost about 20lbs of water on a day's hike. Emptied my 4 canteens of water (it was hot water in a few hours). My joints ached for days and it took me nearly 2 weeks to gain that weight back. My wife and my youngest teenage son (at the time) had to turn back about 45 minutes into the hike as he was already getting light-headed.

If you do go, and I think people should go. Hindsight being 20/20, I would suggest going in the early spring when the temperatures are more moderate and the flora is in bloom. In the US, I would recommend March. The night sky in the desert is spectacular.

Yes, exactly, my uncle died of exposure, yet he was very close to getting back to civilisation. It was a very cold time of year, yet hypothermia caused him to shed clothes which is a bit of a contradiction. A tragedy.

I find the reactions here interesting. For some reason, I expected it to be far more common for people to go hiking by themselves, and to be far less common to be so scared of it.

I am fully aware of the risks associated with nature itself: weather, animals, having an accident, getting lost, and so on. I am not underestimating these risks.

Also, I feel like I need to clarify that I am not necessarily talking about a several-day hike in the middle of nowhere, completely off civilization, in the midst of the Rockies, or similar. (Although they are absolutely stunning, I have been there with my partner). I have the biggest respect of doing those sort of things alone.
I am talking about taking a few hours walk in a forest close to a city, where there are people walking their dogs, and clean trails, there are no bears or large predators who pose a real threat. I find it unnecessary to be scared of doing that alone (although I am).

I am glad you are aware, I wasnt talking about you.

 

[Mary Terry]

There's a lot of gender bias in the way children are raised but there's also a lot of people that are simply afraid of dark empty places. I live in a city surrounded by parks, when I was living on the streets I used to sleep in one of the parks because I felt safer there. Most people are scared of dark places even in well manicured parks, let alone true wilderness.

That was the specific reason I felt safe sleeping in a park, all of the human predators were terrified of it. They all stayed in amongst the tall buildings and slept on the cold hard concrete where as I had a safe place where people wouldn't go and I slept on a nice soft bed of pine needles.

But I had a different upbringing to most people, my Mum's family were bush people and we were taught how to live in the bush and live with nature. As children we were often taken camping in remote places and we grew up loving the natural world. I trust nature far more readily than I trust humans.

This is where I slept:
Google Maps

I grew up in a very rural area, was a free-range child, had parents who credited me with the basic intelligence to avoid obvious dangers like poisonous snakes or a strange man that might have been lurking in the woods, and I had my own pocketknife by the time I was 10. I love being alone in the woods on our private land but am attuned to stranger-danger on public lands such as national parks. I, too, camped in remote places and my parents often didn't know where I was, other than I was supposed to stay within a couple of miles from the house. Sometimes my little brother and I would build huts with branches and leaves in the woods to sleep in. All we needed was a blanket. We built fires and cooked food, usually a can of chili that our mother let us take for dinner. I, too, was one with nature as a child and that confidence has carried over in my ripe old age. I learned to watch and listen to birds and squirrels who sound the alarm when there is danger.

I miss that solitude and sense of self-sufficiency out in the wild all by myself.