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feeling confused....

Ame568

Ame568

Well-Known Member
I hope it's ok if I post this blog like thing.

I've been doing research on autism for 3(?) years now and I relate to A LOT of what people have said that their experiences are but lately my mind has been kinda mean? It keeps telling me that I'm faking and an imposter and a hypochondriac. So much so that I even asked my mom if I'm a hypochondriac (she said that I'm not) and I read somewhere before that if you feel like an imposter reguarding autism then chances are you have autism/asperger's. I was supposed to get diagnosed last year but COVID-19 happened and where I have to go has A LOT of cases (plus snowstorms (in the beginning) and our car was breaking down badly) so we couldn't go. Last August (I believe it was August, could've been July) they sent a letter saying that they won't diagnose me anymore. I also read that it's ok to self-diagnose if you can't get an official one but is it really? I've also been having dreams of me telling my younger self or other people that I'm autistic but I never say that I am in the waking world. I feel so confused. I'll end this post now, if you read thanks and if you comment then thanks again.
 
It doesn't sound right that the clinic sent you a letter saying they would not diagnose you. Did they give a reason?

You will need an official diagnosis if you ever wish to ask for accommodations (at work, school, etc) or will apply for something else that requires it (ie. Disability).

I think the concept of being an imposter would only apply if someone clearly lies and says they are officially diagnosed (when they are not) or pretends to be autistic when they are not.

Just being unsure is not being an imposter. It's being unsure. Some/many stop at self diagnosis and do not seek diagnosis. As long as they make that clear when the issue comes up, that is not being an imposter either.
 
Tom said:
It doesn't sound right that the clinic sent you a letter saying they would not diagnose you. Did they give a reason?

You will need an official diagnosis if you ever wish to ask for accommodations (at work, school, etc) or will apply for something else that requires it (ie. Disability).

I think the concept of being an imposter would only apply if someone clearly lies and says they are officially diagnosed (when they are not) or pretends to be autistic when they are not.

Just being unsure is not being an imposter. It's being unsure. Some/many stop at self diagnosis and do not seek diagnosis. As long as they make that clear when the issue comes up, that is not being an imposter either.
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I don't know, my mom was the one who read it and only recently told me that they weren't going to go further.
 
Most clinics won't diagnose Asperger's. Most doctors and clinicians aren't even trained in it. I was diagnosed in second grade, and initially got care for it, but then school district policy changed, and it was determined that "girls don't get autism". So the speech therapist gave me this long good bye, and she even had tears in her eyes, and told me that she believes in me, and that was the last time I got any therapy for autism.

I've searched for a lot of therapists, but I have only found one Psychologist that would even bring it up. And she said that my state Medicaid program wouldn't allow her to treat me for autism. So we did some roundabout stuff that was vaguely autism related.
 
Have you taken any online self assessments like the AQ? They are good place to start. Here is a low cost assessment service which Zoom :Autism Assessment Services. This is the first time I read what they offer and found they are certainly up on female ASD. They also claim to use "qualified and trained Neurodiverse providers" which sounds like a good approach. However, I don't think there is an accreditation for ASD assessors so you might want to ask how they are qualified and trained.
 
I felt this way too but imagine the vast majority of non-autistic people don't read descriptions of autism and relate to them. I just had an official diagnosis and it was very affirming but at the same time, it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know deep down. By the time I had explained everything to the clinician it felt silly that I had ever doubted it.
 
Ame568 said:
I don't know, my mom was the one who read it and only recently told me that they weren't going to go further.
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I suggest you ask your mom for clarification. Why aren't they going to proceed?

I am 54 years old and only discovered that I am probably on the spectrum a few weeks ago. For most of my life I have felt like an imposter in the world.

I spent a lot of time really researching autisim so that I could be completely sure of my own diagnosis. An official one is just out of my reach financially and does not offer me any benefit as I am retired.

But finding that there is an explaination for my "otherness" has been a huge relief. Suddenly I have found a whole community that "gets" me.

If, after doing your own research, you still have doubts, participate on this forum. You will get to know so many people that are very relatable and you will probably uncover more about yourself than you thought possible.
 
When I was diagnosed, I started to read around forums a lot and saw that I didn't have a lot of the really severe symptoms that others had, and that my diagnosis was given on the basis of an interview after one session with one psychiatrist and I wasn't given all these tests that others were getting, so that also caused me to question the accuracy of the diagnosis. But a large part of the problem is that I don't know how I come across to others. I feel just normal inside, but my normal is not other people's normal, and other people notice my being different. I told my mum that if I had it, I was a mild case, but then she said: 'there's nothing mild about you!'

Then when I think about the burnout and reasons why I asked for the assessment, and think about the processing, sensory and social problems I have, I am sure that the diagnosis is correct.
 
I am not sure how old you are? Just asking because of the letter going to your mum? I was thinking if you were over 18, it would perhaps be an indication that you hadn't asked about why your application got ended yet, but then I thought, if your mother is dealing with it you may probably be under 18? You could ask your mum, and find out the reason given? It could be they are short staffed due to Covid? Or did it get timed out? Either way, you could likely re apply.
 
Suzette said:
I suggest you ask your mom for clarification. Why aren't they going to proceed?

I am 54 years old and only discovered that I am probably on the spectrum a few weeks ago. For most of my life I have felt like an imposter in the world.

I spent a lot of time really researching autisim so that I could be completely sure of my own diagnosis. An official one is just out of my reach financially and does not offer me any benefit as I am retired.

But finding that there is an explaination for my "otherness" has been a huge relief. Suddenly I have found a whole community that "gets" me.

If, after doing your own research, you still have doubts, participate on this forum. You will get to know so many people that are very relatable and you will probably uncover more about yourself than you thought possible.
Click to expand...


I asked and she said that weren't going to go further because we didn't go to them when our car, snowstorms (at the time were happening quite a bit) and COVID-19 were really bad. Basically they didn't want to work with us about all these things.
 
Ame568 said:
I asked and she said that weren't going to go further because we didn't go to them when our car, snowstorms (at the time were happening quite a bit) and COVID-19 were really bad. Basically they didn't want to work with us about all these things.
Click to expand...

I hope you don't give up and will seek someone else to do an evaluation.
 
Thinx said:
I am not sure how old you are? Just asking because of the letter going to your mum? I was thinking if you were over 18, it would perhaps be an indication that you hadn't asked about why your application got ended yet, but then I thought, if your mother is dealing with it you may probably be under 18? You could ask your mum, and find out the reason given? It could be they are short staffed due to Covid? Or did it get timed out? Either way, you could likely re apply.
Click to expand...

I'm over 18 but still live at home with my parents. My mom takes care of a lot of stuff for me since I never learned how to do it (plus her and my dad are my rides to places since they never taught me to drive and I don't have the money to live on my own) and I get easily frustrated when I don't understand something. I asked and she said that they just didn't want to work with us. She said that they wanted us to basically be there for whenever they said and didn't even want to hear our side of the story on why we couldn't.
 
Suzette said:
I hope you don't give up and will seek someone else to do an evaluation.
Click to expand...

I hope I can find someone else too. My last therapist (who was also the one to suggest that I might have asperger's/high functioning autism) is the one who found them by doing a bunch of phone calls and they were the only one who would take our insurance at the time. Maybe my new therapist can help?
 
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